Friday, 29 January 2010
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Cheating: Who's to Blame?
Recently, a blog was published discussing whether or not it's appropriate to request that a SO not hang out with a friend of the opposite sex. There were many interesting comments and opposing viewpoints, but ultimately the argument seemed to boil down to who's at fault for cheating.
When a person is unfaithful, who's to blame? Is the "other (wo)man" to blame? Is the cheater to blame? Or was the faithful partner being too trusting, to not prevent the unfaithfulness or catch the cheater in the act?
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- From: JennyGee@xanga
- About Me: I like trees and horses and butterflies! And theatre, and music, and psychology, and spanish...you name it. Only not French :-P
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Comments (50)
If you did something shady, wrong, or immoral: you are to blame.
So, say you knowing sleep with someone's boyfriend. Was that shady, wrong, or immoral? Yes? Then you are to blame. The same goes for sleeping with someone other than your significant other. So, by following these standards:
If you suspect that you are being cheated ON- you are obviously not to blame.
If you trap your significant other into cheating, you are.
If you are in a long-distance relationship and are cheated on, you aren't.
And so on.
There really isn't much of a gray area here.
Most of the time, everyone is to blame.
The person who cheated is to blame. There are some rare instances when the other (wo)man doesnt know their SO is attached but when they find out & keep seeing the person, they're at fault too. I dont think people can be too trusting, I think some people are too immature to handle someone's trust & feelings & just act careless.
The fucking cheater is to blame. Fucking cheaters.
The cheater is to blame - no one else. Unless the girlfriend has a particularly large vagina - then it's her fault.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
both
I can't really see how the faithful person would have a share in the blame. Being too trusting? I thought that's what relationships were all about- having trust in each other. It's not they were asking to be cheated on or anything of that sort. Unless they were being sneaky themselves..
Personally, I think the cheater is to blame. They could have easily broken off the relationship if they wanted to be with someone else, unless they're that confident that they aren't going to get caught. The other wo(man) would be to blame, too, if they knew about the other person and went along with it anyway.
the cheater, since they are the one who broke the faith of their SO. if the other (wo)man knows that the person has a significant other, they are also to blame, but since they didn't break faith, they're not as much to blame. the person cheated on is not to blame. if someone says their SO "forced or pushed" them into cheating, then they should have broken up with that person, not cheated.
and that's that.
the cheater, hands down. it's stupid when chicks fight eachother cause her bf cheated.
The cheater. If they had an issue with the relationship in any way, he or she should of tried to work it out with their partner or break up instead of resorting to cheating.
What really confuses me is when a girl's boyfriend cheats on her with another girl that they both know, and then the girl finds out and fights with the other girl and hates her more than her boyfriend, who just cheated on her. It's like, seriously? Shouldn't you stop wasting your time on the girl and go talk to, you know, your boyfriend...who cheated on you? And then the girl ends up with the guy again. I've witnessed this. It's almost like the girl thinks that her boyfriend is perfect and was just unfortunately taken advantage of by the evil other woman. -.-
To answer the question, though, the cheater is to blame. Of course, the person that they cheated with shouldn't be let off easily, but I know that I would put the cheater through way more hell. The cheater was the one I trusted and was in a relationship with.
Both.
I blame the cheater most of all. They are in a relationship and should be committed.
On the same side, the enabler here should also respect others relationships.
the cheater is to blame, because they cheated.
if the other person purposefully set out to seduce the "cheater" then they are to blame. if they knew the cheater was in a relationship and still slept with them, even unintentionally, they are to blame. but if they didn't know the person had a SO, then they are not to blame and are another victim.
@IntheGoldenWest@xanga - maybe the gf isn't ready to accept that the person she loves and was "loyal" to her, so she takes her anger out on the other woman. betrayal can be a hard fact to accept. or maybe the gf is just an idiot
well, we can say that maybe the faithful person in the relationship wasn't "enough" for the other, leading the other to be unfaithful, but ultimately, it's not that hard for the unhappy one to leave the relationship. thus, they are at fault. they fucked up by cheating instead of breaking up, and it's their responsibility, not anyone else's.
Sometimes it's the cheater who tricks "The other wo/man" into being just that, the other person. The other person doesn't even know that the one they're seeing is married or cheating on their partner.
However, sometimes there are those master PUA's (pickup artists), both men and women, who are extremely skilled at social manipulation, exploiting people's thinking processes, making any given person's partner look bad (whether through talking to them away from their partner or simply interacting with both the target and their partner, and subtly embarrassing the partner, noting their weaknesses and acting in ways that make them appear to possess the strengths that partner doesn't have), and sway the target into cheating.
Sometimes it's both - sometimes the cheater and the "other wo/man" both know that the cheater is taken, and commence with the cheating.
I have a simple view of this complicated dilemma; If it's my SO who cheated then it is entirely their fault. I don't care if the other person knew about me or not- they made the choice to stay in the situation and peruse sexual exploits. Unless it's rape my SO would be consenting. I never ever ever ever blame the other person... unless... they are a close personal friend of mine. In which case the intimacy of all of our relationships would be jeopardized. If the other does not know me there is no way I could blame them. They don't owe me anything- not even the favor of helping to keep my SO monogamous.
Luckily for me every women who has ever slept/fooled around with my ex's has come forward and contacted me in private to apologize. I do mean every single one of them. It's beautiful in my opinion- that they could feel my humanity even if they had never met me.
I would do the same if I ever found myself in a situation where the person I've been with had a significant other they refrained from telling me about. It's the other person's right. They could do with the information what they wanted.
The other (wo)man should never carry the blame. The two partners are the ones that have issues. If a partner feels the need to cheat, and *if the relationship was already serious*, then there is something the other partner is not fulfilling in that person, and that should be addressed.
the man with a majority of the fault, then the other woman holds some fault too if she knows he is taken and continues to physically or emotionally bond with him. if I see her, I'll still bitch slap her slutty face. he is getting a double slap.
both are to blame, but more so the SO because the other person doesn't owe you anything. it's the SO who broke the trust.
the cheater is to blame, and if the other woman/man knew about the pre-existing SO, then they are in the wrong too. if the SO that was cheated on saw all the signs but didn't say anything and just waited to get hurt, then it's partially their fault too.
simple; the cheater is to blame
If the slut/whore/skank of a person wanted to seduce the SO, and the SO did not respond, nothing happens.
If the person who got cheated on was "too trusting" but SO stays faithful...NOTHING happens
However, if the SO wants to be unfaithful, he/she will eventually be able to find someone that will comply.... the unfaithful person is to blame
The cheater is to blame. You have to rise up and take responsibility for your own actions. You can't blame the man/woman who you or your SO cheated with. It's not the other persons fault. The cheater is the one who knew what not to do and they go and do it.
ok so call me what you want but ill admit it, ive messed around with someone in a relationship. even tho it was partially my decision to do so i feel as though if they didnt want to or if they felt as though it was wrong it was entirly up to them to stop it. i was not the one in the relationship so i feel as though i personally did nothing wrong.
no matter the situation it is the cheaters fault. you cant push someone into cheating even if there are problems in the relationshi...its always a choice. they have to ability to decide whats going to happen and whats not. its not the other man or womans fault and its not the SO's fault either.