Friday, 29 January 2010
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Wouldn't Know It if It Hit Me in the Face
At 24, I have a couple of friends that are engaged. Now, I know that it is very young for marriage and engagements but... That's not really my point here. Sometimes I sit back and think, yo, I'm 24 and I have never felt this mythological feeling of "love". Now I know it's not mythological, but you have to understand, it is to me.
I find myself getting very envious of my friends that are engaged and just how happy they are. And how happy their fiances are. It just seems like it's something not everyone gets or can achieve. And I somewhat fear that. I come from a very family oriented family, where love and family come way before money and other materialistic things. I know many people have an issue with that, where money is everything to them but... Not me. So I think being raised as I was, made me more aware of love and romance, as feminine as that sounds, it's true.
This brings me to the title of my post. I don't even think I'd know what love is even if it hit me right in my face. I know you cant search for love or find it, or make it happen. But I just feel somewhat some kind of pressure when I observe some of my friends. Especially when you know in yourself that you deserve it. I don't know. Am I crazy? Or do some other people have this problem?What is love? How do you know when you find it?
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- From: Mouse036@xanga
- Name: Mouse
- Location: New York, United States
- About Me: What up. Im 25 from Westchester NY. I dont got much to say bout myself but umm. Not good at really explaining myself on these, so feel free to just ask... AIM: Damouse750
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Comments (28)
I've been wondering the same thing myself these days. Thinking of past failed attempts at relationships where I've thought it was love, or close to it, I've realized that they weren't. Both are long stories which I don't feel like telling. Ha. So I'm not really sure what love is myself, or how to recognize it. I feel like that instinct part of me has died in a way because it's been so screwed up. It makes me wonder if I'll ever realize it when it happens. I know I'm still young, but still.
Long comment short: I'm in the same boat as you.
I know how you feel. I went to college in the midwest, and it seems to be more common to marry younger there. Five of my close friends got engaged when we graduated, some of them as young as 19. Silly as it sounds, I've felt a bit jealous.
I've never been in love. I've actually never dated. I long for that feeling. I know I'm young, but I want to know what it's like.
Love is a release of a bunch
of neurological chemicals such as oxytoin, vasopressin, nerepinphrine, and serotonin. You can be sure you are in "love" if you get a MRI scan to see if the right portions of the brain turn on for love.
You're not crazy; I feel that same pressure. I hate this age in my life because everyone gets married off, you end up losing contact with those friends, and it sucks... plus I'm more interested in being one of the boys than actually attracting any. But due to the above reasons, I haven't found much of a reason to look forward to that sort of thing. I don't think 24 is all that young to be married or engaged to be married. to me, that's neither too old nor too young. It's just in between. Though I hate the reminders from my mother about my eggs aging. argh!
I can relate to you in alot of ways but nobody can explain love to you... only YOU can know what love means and is worth to YOU!!! If have an idea of that love is to you then i would say hold on to it very closely and after a while it will grow on to you and you will most definitly know if its love or not!!!!
would you say you agree?
Love is whatever you want it to be , or make of it.I hear it is"unconditional".lol
Perceptions of love vary from person to person, culture to culture . Along with expectations.
For example, in the modern american culture the expectations of "finding love when (young) and having a family (young) " are extreemly common and emphasized through the media.
When really Not all of us will experience love in life, at the same age , to the same degree or when we want to, or simply at all. Dont pressure your self into a relationship, nor let others around you do that.
You will experience love, i hope. No One can tell you how to find it. So , just live your life, dont fall fast . I hope that lucky someone finds you!
Love is zero points in tennis.
Actually, I wouldn't know what love is if it hit me in the face. I'm guessing that it just happens, with no rhyme or reason as to when or how it happens. Then again, I could be completely wrong.
I thought the same, but damn, you KNOW when you're in love. It hits you in the face like a semi-truck. Don't worry about a thing, you'll definitely know. :)
It's love when you don't have to ask what love is.
from what i understand love isnt supposed to hit you in the face.
isnt it more of a snuggle and kiss kind of thing?just kidding. you sound sweet. and i hope you find someone who you can love and that will love you back.
Idk how you'll find it, but if it's real when you do, it won't go away.
@Rob_of_the_Sky@xanga - Love should be at least two points.One now. One waiting with the chinese leftovers in the fridge.
@INxEXISTENCE@xanga - Fascinating! Let me add that up: phenylethylamine is the chemical your brain'll produce when you fall in love. :))
According to Dr. Seuss, you know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams. :D
@icesoul_09@xanga - *love* the Dr. Seuss quote! hehehe
and as far as the OP is concerned, i feel you, man. i'm also in the same sitch but fast forward a few more years. but i don't think you have to worry about finding love because it will eventually find you, esp if you are who you describe yourself to be. love just is, and always will be. maybe you'll have an "aha" moment one of these days and realize that it was there all along. but either way, be patient and you'll find it. network and meet new people and you never know. lightning could strike!
@sorrento12@xanga - The 'aha' moment! Nice! It's been years since I last had that 'aha' moment. 'Aha' moment!
Welcome to the quarterlife crisis!
I know a few family-oriented, deserving people your age who have yet to experience love. I'm not 24 yet so I've still got a few years to go. But despite occasional bouts of loneliness, envy towards my couple friends, and never having had any experience remotely close to love, I still believe that whatever happens will happen. And when it happens, I think I'll know it. I probably won't know it right away, but at least I can tell when I know it's not the right person. I guess I'm kind of waiting for the right person. I can't see myself enter a serious relationship with someone I don't plan to marry.
I think you'll know it when it happens too. :)
man I have been in your shoes since August-this quarter-life crisis crap hit me like a ton of bricks
Love is putting the other person's welfare and happiness before your own. When you find that you can care that much about somebody, that's your proverbial pie.
If you want to find love, you'll have to put yourself out there. It's not all that strange that there are those who have never experienced romantic love. Everybody has a different focus when it comes to this thing called life. Some chose not to love and some are too distracted to even notice when love comes knocking.
@INxEXISTENCE@xanga - @sparkletone1684@xanga - I like how your profile pics line up!
Apparently, there is a professor that has researched how people fall in love and has a formulaic approach to how to fall in love. It involves sharing vulnerabilities and looking deeply into each other's eye's, etc. Apparently, it's actually worked for him!
I would say that love is someone you always want to come home to. It's hard to tell when you're feeling it because it's different for everyone and it really does take time. I think it's really hard to differentiate between love and infatuation, especially in the first few months in a relationship. I guess it all depends on what your emotions are based off of. Ideally, love should be based off of mutual respect and admiration. You've got to think that the other person is a good person.
I think another good cue is probably when you know with certainty that the other person is someone you cannot imagine your life without.
@INxEXISTENCE@xanga - 1) if you're gonna try and play the science card, learn how to spell "norepinephrine". just sayin'. (i'm assuming "oxytoin" was just a typo). 2) when you're getting that brain scan, they show you pictures of the person in question, and strong feelings of affection and bonding release those chemicals. the chemical basis of love doesn't make it any less "real", just more tangible.
that said, for the OP: if you really are that aware of romance and relationships, and if you long for love that badly, when you do find it, you'll know. every time i've had to question whether or not it was love, it was a wishy-washy feeling the whole time and, in retrospect, it may not have been love at all. when the realization hits you like a ton of bricks...that's when you know
@Katja88@xanga - hahaha wow, i just noticed that, too!! :-O
@JennyGee@xanga - @Ni_Shi_Wo_De@xanga - @WanderingSun@xanga - @dragon_king@xanga - @AnnaAnanas@xanga - @Thumper49047@xanga - @sorrento12@xanga - @anonymiaous@xanga - @emptypersonas@xanga - @softaswater@xanga - @beachblondie711@xanga - @ironic_vertigo@xanga - @Rob_of_the_Sky@xanga - @nariah5@xanga - @DrunkenFelluh@xanga - @sparkletone1684@xanga - @INxEXISTENCE@xanga - @Masked_Melody@xanga - @pipergymnast11@xanga - Hmmmm... Everybody had a nice response to this Post... Thanks... WELP! It looks like this is going to be yet another lonley Valentines day chillen with the boys drinkin endless glasses of that Pinot N. Haha.. I understand letting life just go and letting it come to me.. But that shit gets frusturating.. Especially when you at home and your friends out with their chicks watchin a movie or something.. *sigh*... Ahh well.. Keep a look out for my next discussion... "The Ex Boyfriend Blockage"
im a bit younger, but i dont understand love at all. even with family, i dont feel it like others appear to.