How would you feel if your significant other goes out with the same girl everyday and night? Is it even wrong to smell something fishy? To feel like something is not right? Are you not entitled the right to feel what you feel? Those emotions evoked when you hear something like that, they are unavoidable and emerge against will. Unless you've never loved the person, you will give a hugeass damn about it and make it an issue.
So yeah the dude felt hurt because he thinks you don't trust him. And of course you appreciate that he took the trouble to tell you everything, letting you into his life. But knowing that the girl gets him to herself everyday and night, are you not hurt hearing that? You wanted to just brush it off as another "blah, I'm just being oversensitive" issue but is he helping? Who doesn't want a relationship with trust as one of its strongest compound? Trust is to be attained. You trust him, not her. And who the hell trusts a complete stranger you've only heard of and not met? Only a naive idiot would do that. He's disappointed that you garner such unfaithful thoughts about him. What about you getting disappointed because he cannot be empathetic enough to understand how troubled you're feeling because of that?
Sure, hanging out everyday doesn't mean a thing and there is such thing called platonic friendships. But can he care a little more about how you would feel knowing that he and the girl made plans to go someplace at the eleventh hour, just the two of them? It is not only her, this includes any girl for that matter. Is it wrong to mind? So, after being labeled as 'selfish', indirectly 'conservative', and accused of humiliating his friendship, you decided to throw in the white flag because you cannot bear seeing him hurt like that. Little did he know, he had in turn humiliated your feelings. Because you love him, you compromise. That does not mean you're fine because honestly, you are not. And deep down you hope he gets that. You're not giving in because you think you're wrong. You're giving in to save the relationship, something he has never acknowledge of you doing; for through his figure of speech, you can deduce that he thinks of you as a relationship wrecker and himself, the mender.
Situations like that are really a mess. Sometimes I felt that being a robot, lacking feelings would save loads of frustrating petty issues like this from arising.
This post is to his happiness and your endurance.
What do you think? How would you feel? Would you make an issue of it?
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Comments (69)
That chit would not fly with me.
It sounds fishy, and if it were me, i would sit him down and talk about all my feelings.
wow, i would straight up throw a fit. my boy would not hear the end of it if he did that. i dont even care if theyre bffs. everyday would mean they saw him about as much as me/more. i get priority. period.
selfish? yes. can i be jealous as hell? yes. but this seems like even normal people would throw a fit.
Why aren't they with you instead? Definitely sounds like something is up. If they wanted to spend time with you, they would.
Dude, I would be soooooooo pissed. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you being angry about this, ANY girl would be angry about this. You should definitely let him know you're angry. He should show you some fucking respect, if he doesn't, I'd end it, because there are plenty of guys who will!
I would not be okay with it that he is spending more time with her than me. I'll ask him to spend time with me and if he repeatedly says he can't due to his friendship time with her then I'll probably spend lots of time with a cute guy friend to make him jealous to see how he'd feel. if he doesn't seem to care, because he is too consumed with her, then the platonic feelings with his female friend, is questionable.
Something's going on, that's for sure. Talk to him first before making drastic decisions that you might regret in the future.
i think it depends on how long you've been together, how long he's known her, and whether you're also willing to spend the kind of time with him that he gets out of the other bitch.
p.s. p(he's spending time with her | he's cheating) != p(he's cheating | he's spending time with her)
Seems like he and the 'girl friend' are the couple and you're the other friend, looking inside from the outside window. Pretty twisted. I'd whoop his ass.
I just left a long relationship that had that issue with one girl. Wouldn't you know after we broke it off, he's now with her? We talked about what happened and all that, and he didn't get it till I laid it out to him, and even threw in the term "EMOTIONAL CHEATING" and he couldn't say anything at that point. He asked me why I never told him I felt not right about it, and I said "um, I don't know how much more clear I could've been with saying 'I don't feel comfortable or think that it's right that you're having dinner with her and disappearing for hours on end not answering any of my calls until hours later." *shrugs*
In the end, "OH WELL!"
Well, when I was with my boyfriend (now ex) he had a best friend that he would hang out with every day. They even worked together.
He was totally sleeping with her. At work. She told me, he admitted it.
So would I question it? Yes.
Should you? That depends on the character of your boyfriend.
Bottom line, acting like I had no right to be upset would make me even more so.
hahahaaaa oh this sounds so familiar.
and i feel where you're coming from oh so much!
but yeah, relationships are screwed up sometimes. -___-
everyday and every night thats a bit much. might as well call if off but not before telling him why
talk to him. relationships become stronger through communication.
i personally have a majority of guy friends - and all of my best friends are male. if my boyfriend ever had a question or a concern he would tell me and i would appreciate knowning so that i could go out of my way to make sure he knew what i was doing with who when to calm his nerves.
i hope that helps!
I would insist on meeting his friend at the very least. I don't believe in keeping anything from my partner, no matter how awful or wonderful it may be. In return I expect the same. Meeting the girl would help me feel better and wouldn't damage a friendship. Keeping a significant other in the dark about a person, or anything really, eventually takes a lasting toll on the relationship.
@TornadoChaser@momaroo - damn straight. i don't know any girl who would be okay with this. great comment.
I would remind myself that first and foremost, I DONT OWN HIM. Then, if I was still feeling iffy about it, I'd talk to him.
Ultimately, it's none of my business what he does in his spare time.
I think it is a case by case. Stuff like this has happened to me in numerous relationships. I believe friends of the opposite sex can have a relationship that would never amount to anything more than simply friends....apparently many women think that is bullshit.
Maybe she is a just a good friend. My guy friend and I have dinners out, go shopping and hang out. Even if he didn't have a gf, we'd still be "just friends" because I would never like him in that way. He's like a brother.
I would feel uneasy about it. I would talk to them about how I feel, and take it from there.
I feel you. Me and my bf just had an argument because he's been talking to this girl i really dont like late at night online...Im not telling him to stop talking to her but it just bothers me. I couldnt really explain to my girl friend about how i feel. I know I can be irrational, and when these type of feelings come up I feel bad for feeling this way to begin with but its so hard to control it...so I try to play like Im ok but Im really not. I ask myself how long do i have to put up with this feelings?..and u get tired. Somehow I always look the bad insecure gf.
idk ... its like someone else said, as if he's really in a relationship with that other girl.
also i feel guilty reading this, because i was friends with my bf for years before, and he had this gf that never let him talk to me (we never did talk or hang out EVERY DAY or anything crazy, so idk if its the same) ... he continued to talk to me, but only once in a while over aim, not usually very serious conversations. i'm pretty sure they broke up for reasons unrelated to me, but...
in your situation, ultimately, i would consider the seriousness of this relationship in all aspects: does HE ever come to YOU with worries or insecurities? (he should ONCE in a while, if he cares) does he ever get slightly jealous if YOU talk to any close guy friends? do you still share many things between only yourselves? i'm just saying, a significant other should kinda consider you to be .... more significant.
it wouldn't fly with me. there's definitely something up with that and if i was the girl that he SO was always going out with another girl, I would totally question their time together with both of them.
I had a boyfriend for a while who absolutely hated my best friend, who is a guy. Namely because the best friend and I spent basically every day together, at least six hours a day. The relationship lasted nine months, and the two still hate each other to this day. I think it wouldn't bother me if my boyfriend (if I had one right now) went to hang out with a good female friend during the day or night. I would never pick a guy that I ever thought was even capable of cheating. And no guy who would cheat would ever ask me out. I think it comes down to faith in your judgement, and your guy.
I would make an issue... but that's me. If he made me feel stupid for being suspicious, he'd get a punch in the nose.