I suppose... that behind every cynical person is someone who made them that way - someone they cared deeply about and who therefore possessed the power to hurt them in the most profound way, whether intentionally or not. Someone they fell for, minus reservation. Someone they grew emotionally attached to. Someone they were hopelessly in love with.
Someone who taught them what devastation feels like.
Or maybe it was a tragic incident, a negative experience that brought about the conversion. Maybe it was disappointment in life itself that prompted the change.
Now we can imprison our heart and guard it with a vengeance. We can carry our baggage around until we collapse under its weight. We can let our cynicism keep us back, or we can rise above it. Kick our rusksack to the kerb and leave it there. Stop assuming that history will repeat itself. Take the plunger and just dive back into the game - whichever game you're playing.
Have a little faith.
Settle for safe or take the risk. The choice is ours to make, and there's no right or wrong.
Unfortunately most of the time it's not as simple as flipping a coin. Our protective mechanism kicks in, trying to shield us from harm's way. Our subconscious warns us of the dangers ahead, prohibiting us from falling as freely as we would have preferred. And after all, it's way easier to utter
'all men are pigs / women are bitches' under our breath than to make a constant effort to override our instincts for self preservation.
To
believe that there's someone out there for us. Or that life is worth living despite all the horribleness.
What some people like to do, however, is perpetuate the cycle. They think just because they've had their wee heart broken, it's justified to hurt other people in the same way. They play the field extensively, collecting bad karma on the way. As if they have the right to punish the innocent. Or they jump from rebound relationship to rebound relationship, convincing themselves they'll eventually find a substitute. Their baggage grows and grows, dragging down the next person in line.
But who am I to judge? God knows how many people I've screwed up over the years haha. (Nah, I'm just trash talking here.) Bottom line is, we
all have the potential to do great harm - by making ourselves appealing enough for people to want to get close to us. By the same token, being hurt is also a real possibility. That's the nature of the game so... play wisely.
True 
Comments (25)
As for me, I am the person who is cynical about love, has been let down, and have been 'played' before and I hope I do not progress to bringing down others. Sometimes it's really hard to have faith after letdowns and all you want is to have that care-free attitude, which may mean letting people get close and hurting them. I don't think people mean it when they screw over someone, but it is important to catch yourself before it becomes a habit you can't break. Wow, i jumped all over with this comment, dont quite know if I'm making sense at all !
Anyways, great post. Really made me think :)
"I suppose... that behind every cynical person is someone who made them
that way - someone they cared deeply about and who therefore possessed
the power to hurt them in the most profound way, whether intentionally
or not. Someone they fell for, minus reservation. Someone they grew
emotionally attached to. Someone they were hopelessly in love with.
Someone who taught them what devastation feels like."
very well put. Being the cynic I am, this holds true to a lot of what I've been thinking.
Its a pretty vicious cycle, especially when you try to solve the problem above by "moving on" to another person. It has little ups and big downs, so not really the best cycle to be a part of.
Currently I'm trying to break the cycle, and its tough. Building trust is difficult, but starting with people that are less likely to destroy it. Step by step I'm starting to move on and out of this mess.
Best of luck to everyone else.
Alec Trebek - "People are cynical b/c they are idealistic, and to some large degree, they know that they are living in their own reality"
"What is... Cynicism?"
Alec Trebek - "You are correct for $1000!"
While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is I am a nay-sayer and a hatchet man in the fight against violence. I pride myself in taking a punch and I'll gladly take another. I reject absolutely revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.
I've never been much of a cynical individual.
I always put everything I have into a relationship, and if I get hurt, I allow myself to grieve and move on.
I tell myself that it's darkest before the dawn, and just because I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
I try really hard not to be negative, and not to complain too much. Shit happens. Life goes on. =]
wow, very well written.
play or be played. I'm a sweetheart but people still betray me time and time again. I think they just take advantage of my niceness. I put my cynic guard up now to keep away the fake people. I think I just need someone to prove me wrong that there are still moral humans in the world lol
kinda like do or die. i understand where you're coming from, screw or get screwed over. logical way of thinking but horrible way to live, always cutting things short because you're afraid of getting hurt... it's a risk to take. i think everyone needs to toughen up and work through it... develop some thick skin.
I don't think that's true. It isn't ONE person that's made me bitter towards people, but EVERYONE. They're all the god damn same and it pisses me off.
One person isn't to blame for my being bitter and no way in hell am I going to "attach" myself to one person under the pretense that they're "different" when in fact, every one is the same.
Because of this, I don't want friends and I don't want anything to do with relationships.
If I want to be attached to someone who is loyal to me and wants to make me happy, I'll get myself a puppy.
- Kunoichi
Cynical people are obnoxious.
you know, up until this entry, i really truely felt for you both. unlike most cynical people, i do hold back, but perhaps don't hide it well enough. my intention ISN'T to hurt the people in my life. but i digress.
as to whoever you are referring to, we've all been there. whether through past relationships, heartbreak is a universally known feeling. i'm sure if you can dig deep in your cynical soul of yours, you can feel my pain.
allow them time to heal and get on with your lives.
@PardonMeWhileIBurst74@xanga - that's something that I can't even imagine doing. @Tigersandtulips@xanga - yeah, it's difficult to do, isn't it? I honestly don't know how everyone else does it.
I am kind of cynical. That little bit of cynicism came from some of the people I have met, as well as one person who kind of opened my eyes to the fact that sometimes you shouldn't just let yourself roll with it. I was really good friends with him--we got along very well, we loved talking to each other, and things just felt right. Eventually, we decided to be together. Then, I found out he was nothing like the person I thought he was. So, what was the amazing guy that I liked so much and was so happy to be with, turned out to be...well, a major douchebag.
That's what made me really cynical about relationships, and it made me wonder, "what is the point? He was close to perfect (for me) one day, and the next, he's one of the worst guys I've ever met? How did it all go wrong? I just shouldn't try with things like this." But that whole situation made me realize that I need to pay more attention to the people I meet in my life and find out what truly is there inside of them before I trust them. They certainly aren't all bad, though, because when there is bad, there is also good. Also, holding onto things like that and continuing to fight with it will do nothing but waste your time in the end. What's done is done, and life goes on.
Ok, that is the end of my rant. Haha.
I'm totally cynical and for all the reasons you have mentioned here. But unfortunately I seem to be one of those people who do "perpetuate the cycle". Much as I'd like to change, and often try to deny it, it's hard not to be like that. I feel that often I end up hurting people out of fear of being hurt myself. I find myself adopting the attitude "rather them than me" and thats selfish and heartless and I really am trying to change.
I like this post :)
niceee.
im cynic about relationships in general. cuz i look back at every failed one and think to myself NONE of that was worth it, i doubt that person even liked me, how long were they feeling that way? i could have been truly doing bigger and better things and its just wasted time, people always say you have to give it another try, but after trying over a billion times it gets tiring. i have nothing to learn from it either becasue i learned that the first time around id be stupid to ever give it another chance.
but in general im not a cynic lost of things i find worth while like finding a nickel on the ground or holding a balloon :D
yeah pretty much the first part explains why i'm cynical... =] makes a lot more sense now since it's put into perspective for me in this blog...
there was a time in my life when i was cynical- in some way i feel like i'm backwards. when my dad left, i was totally cynical towards relationships and marriage and everything else. but then, my first boyfriend healed my pain. he plowed through my walls and taught me to trust and love. we broke up after a few years, but after him i don't think i could be cynical again.
for all those cynics out there who don't want to be, i hope you're able to find and accept the influence of a person who can help you work through your pain, too
Well, I'm a cynical person because I've had a good taste of reality this lifetime. I know better than to hope for what I know isn't so. That binds me to another and will only end in annoyance for me.
The more you annoy us cynical folk, the more likely things are to blow up in your face. There's a good chance that our relation with reality is more grounded than yours and the reactions could be deadly.
Fake humility annoys me more than a cynical person.
@JennyGee@xanga - you were bitter.
Cynicism takes too much effort.
A lot of people assume that anyone who isn't in a relationship is just being cynical about relationships. I don't know if that is what you're doing here, so I'm not saying that you are. But, I do want to say that I actually just simply prefer being single. There are some people out there who genuinely really do just prefer being single over being in a relationship. It does not mean that anything bad or traumatic or tragic or whatever else has happened to cause this. Some people just simply like being single. That doesn't mean you have to be alone or lonely, either. It doesn't mean that you have to be missing out on life, or that you aren't living life to the fullest. Everyone wants something and needs something different out of life. Just because a relationship isn't one of those things doesn't mean anything negative had to happen to cause that. It doesn't mean someone is protecting themselves from getting hurt. Some people might do that, but that doesn't mean everyone who prefers to be single does that.
@KrazeeKunoichi009@xanga - I can think of a dozen of people who have hurt me, but one particular person always stands out. *sighs*
@tracezilla@lovelyish - I actually like being single too. In fact I might write a blog entry about it... at some point...
I am cynical, but not to the extreme. I just consider myself a realist. And I've never been really hurt before.
well said. thanks