Wednesday, 27 January 2010
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He Needs His Girlfriend's "Permission"?
One of my guy friends and I have been friends for about five years. We've always hung out in the past and always had a good time without feeling like we wanted to be more than friends. He's had his share of girlfriends (all which were completely wrong for him) and I've been in a committed relationship all this time. So there never was any reason for my boyfriend or his girlfriends to feel like something would be going on between us.
We kind of lost touch for a bit after I moved two hours away for school. I just started chatting with him recently and told him he should come up and visit me the next time our group of friends decide to take a trip up here. His response? "Well, my girlfriend doesn't really know you and she wouldn't want me going someplace to see a girl she doesn't know." I don't know about you but this comment really surprised me. I told him to bring her up then and I'd introduce myself. But he seemed hesitant about it so I didn't say anything more about it.
This isn't the first time something like this has happened to me either. Back when I was with my most recent ex, we hung out with his best friend all the time before he had a girlfriend. After he got a girlfriend, he wasn't even allowed to hang around me because he didn't want his girlfriend to feel "threatened" by me. I don't understand it. I have no intention of doing anything more than simply hanging out with old friends; friends that I've known longer than any of these girls have. I can understand if there were known feelings between me and a guy and the girlfriend doesn't feel right about it but I have no feelings towards these guys.
Has a guy/girl ever stopped hanging around you because their SO said so?
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About the Author
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- From: how_x_loverly@xanga
- Name: Kristen
- About Me: My name is Kristen. I am 20 years old and I currently reside in Pittsburgh, PA where I attend the Art Institute of Pittsburgh for Fashion & Retail Management. I hope to be involved in fashion publications someday but that may change as time goes on.
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Comments (97)
yeah my boyfriend does that all the time. but i dont care so much b/c he's more important to me than them.
yeahh my boyfriend gets uncomfortable when i want to hang out with some of my guy friends that i've known longer than him..
Well, they don't stop hanging around me, but their girlfriend usually doesn't like it..
BTW, judging by your profile picture, you look just like my friend Ana. Crazy.
@airxbear@xanga - Yea. That sort of thing is understandable. I know I wouldn't want my boyfriend to be hanging around a girl who I know for a fact has feelings for him. I've been in that situation before with my ex.
@Heatherwhoelse@xanga - I don't think I could completely stop hanging out with my friends because my boyfriend said so. I mean, sure he means a lot to me, but your friends will always be there even after you guys for some reason break up [I'm not saying you will!]. But you know what I'm saying? I just think there should be an even balance.
it's good he respects her feelings, but he should maybe take her up and you all could be friends without anything being weird.
but out of respect, i don't hang out with people my bf doesnt want me to hang out with. he usually has a good reason. cause those jerks don't understand that i have a boyfriend.
My ex-boyfriend did that to me once, and yeah, it was just bad. I got out of that relationship.
The most important thing to realize about a significant other is that they are not YOURS. They are their own human being, and they should be free to do whatever the fuck they want. If you cannot trust them enough to hang out with a friend (or even a stranger, for that matter) for an afternoon, you probably have no business being together.
My boyfriend doesn't really like it when I hang out with my exboyfriend, or talk to him really. understandable, he did try to kiss me recently, but... ughhhh. long story. but for the longest time, my ex wasn't even allowed to mention me or his girlfriend would flip shit. given that we had liked each other for a couple months, were only official for one, and that he's had a thing for her since middle school, I found it extremely insecure of her.
idk. I really don't think it should matter, as long as you're not the one making the moves, y'know? I trust my boyfriend not to, and as long as he's not leading girls on or anything, I really don't care who he hangs out with.
I don't really think it's a sign of a good relationship if one person forbids the other to see another person... No matter who it may be. I think it's better to talk about it, and yeah, sometimes, certain people make you uncomfortable, but you can't FORBID your lover from seeing that person.
However. If they loved you enough, though, I think they would realize that you were awkward/uncomfortable with it, and stop seeing that person as much.
err...his girlfriend sounds a tad insecure. A controlling relationship is in a bad relationship.
i get where he's coming from, and quite honestly, i wouldn't want my boyfriend being alone with another girl either. i know he'd expect the same from me.
i don't know about their relationship, so assuming it's a good one, i hate to tell you this, but it's probably you she doesn't trust. maybe you should invite her along? assuming she's completely stable, it would show her that you didn't have bad intentions and would give him more freedom to see you in the future.
assuming all my assumptions are wrong, i don't know what to do. sorry.
ball and freakin chain, ive had a girl not let me meet her BF cuz she thought that he would want me more than her, i was flattered but DAMN i would never do that and he wasnt even my type. the only thing i could call that is insecurity
If she trusted him, she wouldnt feel uncomfortable, bottom line.
Looks like some people need to sort out their trust issues. No one should be told who they should or shouldnt hang out with. Its fucking ridiculous. Relationships come and go in your life, good friends are really fucking hard to come by. I think she needs to lay off and let the boy be himself. If she doesnt like it, their are other penis's in the sea. Its not like you have any intentions in the first place, or ever did. Geez.
@soyeahthatswhathappened@xanga - No, he wouldn't be alone with me. See, our group of friends like to come up and visit my boyfriend and I for a weekend about once every month. I'm throwing a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend and I invited my guy friend along too since I haven't seen him in quite some time. I told him his girlfriend can come up too [even though I have met her once before, he just doesn't remember]. He was just hesitant so I just left it at that.
i agree with the above comment - his girlfriend has control and/or insecurity issues. out of courtesy, he should probably introduce you two, but he certainly doesn't need "permission."
@how_x_loverly@xanga - well in that case you did what you could, and if she still is not comfortable with that it's her problem.
I kinda get where she's coming from, I mean, when there are girls out there who would steal boyfriends and wreck families in a heartbeat, who wouldn't be at least a bit possessive/protective? It's great that you don't mind if she came though.
@KittySolntsova@xanga - Yea. I wouldn't mind meeting her at all. I would've hung out with her if I wasn't so far away but there isn't much I can do. lol.
nothing that a good conversation can't fix.
I can completely understand where she's coming from and as much as it may suck, it's understandable.
I went through a similiar situation with my bf, though our circumstances were a little bit different and I had reason to not want him going off to see her without me, states away. For her, it's hard to grasp that he's taking time away from the two of them to go and see you, someone she's never met, doesn't know, and can't get a feel for. It's great you don't mind her tagging along and all, but even if you tell her you have no intentions or any motives or feelings, it'll all be just words because she doesn't know you, and you're a strong female presence in his life, which is probably threatening to her. It's hard to let go and be okay with one's significant other going into that situation. While that kind of things really depends on the relationship and how serious it is, it's really common among girls, especially considering how many girls out there who ARE out to steal boyfriend, fiances, even husbands.
At the end, it's also his choice too. For me, my boyfriend knows what crosses the line and what doesn't. For the two of them, that may be going too far. He asks about some situations, and in the end I always leave the decision up to him. He knows how I feel and what I prefer, but the choice is always up to him.
puuuuussy-whipped. that sucks =( i'd never ever ever ever tell my gf she can't do something (out of some bs insecurity issue).
My ex didn't want me to have any friends at all, and it started with my guy friends. He acted jealous of our platonic interactions, so I stopped hanging out with them so much. Eventually I stopped hanging out with friends outside of school entirely.
Currently, my other ex won't talk to me. When he was single, we talked all the time (I think he wanted me back from the way he acted, but I wasn't interested). Now that he's got a girlfriend, he won't talk to me. But he doesn't really talk to any of his friends from high school anymore. All because of this girlfriend who takes up all of his time, when he's not working to support her.
No, and I wouldn't stand for it.
My guy friend stopped texting and talking to me when she got a girlfriend just 'cause his SO doesn't permit it. Ugh! The insecurities of her girlfriend is way out of bound. Annoying!