Right now, I miss you.
I don't know what it is, but you attract me so much. We don't share many that similar tastes, yet we get along so well. I love the time we spend together; maybe I'm being too clingy or too obsessed over you, but it's true I like spending all my time with you.
The truth is sometimes I'm scared of losing you because I feel like I don't completely have you yet. This is true anyway cause we just are who we are. We spend most of our time together; Technically you aren't mine and I'm not yours...in official terms anyway. I hate wondering this because titles and official-ness usually ruins and changes things, but sometimes I wonder what would happen if I questioned you about it.
I know I'm probably over-thinking but...
What am I to you?
Am I just someone who makes you feel better when you're feeling bad?
Or perhaps I come in handy when you want to get your mind off things?
Am I just someone who tries to please you?
Or am I really someone you want to spend all your time with?
I know not everything lasts forever, so if this ever ends(though it really hasn't started) I won't feel too bad.
I know with time, I'm sure I could go back to being my normal self. Someone who doesn't miss you. Someone who doesn't need somebody to like.
I know I told you from the start... that I like being independent. I didn't want to admit that I like you because I don't need someone to swoon over me. I don't need someone to kiss. I don't need someone to cuddle with. I don't need to be in love to be happy. I don't need a boy to make me happy. I don't need all the humanistic desires everyone else has; I'm content with having no one to love. I don't need the sexual pleasures. I don't need someone to hold me. I don't mind being alone.
I don't care for most of these things because I never really have experienced them, but since I got to know you...all of my thoughts changed. Because of you, I want these things. I want to experience them with you. I want you to be mine, but I'm afraid that you'll scold at me for being a hypocrite. Also, I'm pretty sure that I'm more afraid of scolding myself for being a hypocrite. The last thing I want is to lose you. I don't want to un-know you. If anything I hope we're friends for a very long time.
Half of me wishes I had the balls to tell you all of this, but the other half of me just keeps these thoughts concealed away. I wish he would secure my doubts, but first I have to be brave enough to share this with him.
Is this an odd feeling? Have you ever felt this way about someone?
My question would be...When is the right time to question where the connections with someone are going? When is it okay to ask...whether or not this is all fun and games or is it something serious?
True
Comments (63)
I didn't want to admit that I like you because I don't need someone to swoon over me. I don't need someone to kiss. I don't need someone to cuddle with. I don't need to be in love to be happy. I don't need a boy to make me happy. I don't need all the humanistic desires everyone else has; I'm content with having no one to love. I don't need the sexual pleasures. I don't need someone to hold me. I don't mind being alone.
No offense but I think this is hardly true. It's okay though it's normal.
This was me a couple of years ago.
"What am I to you?"
If he can't say everything... what is he to you?
If you're having these thoughts... now is the time.
When you start thinking like this..it's time.
@JaydenWolf@xanga - Why would you want to be someone's everything? Do you really want them to not give a shit about anything else but you? How self centered.
To the OP: stop second guessing yourself and the relationship you have. The problem lies with your insecurity, not with the nature of your relationship.
Haha this totally reminds me of "500 Days of Summer", I love that movie. You just have to be honest, I don't know if there is a good time. When you start questioning it, I think that's when it's time.
@melandollic@xanga - Haha I do! That'd be awesome! If he only cared about making me happy, heck, why not..
Ask now... before it's too late, and you'll hurt even more.
"Why my dear, you're something I stick my dick into."
:D
- Kunoichi
I am going through this now, and I want to ask this question too. But I don't know what to do because we just had a falling out and we aren't talking anymore even though I'd do anything to not lose him. But I think it's too late.
From one totally understanding person to another, I understand and I hope it all works out. For both of us.
@melandollic@xanga - Forgive my overzealous language. It wasn't intended to be so powerful. Some people are just blessed to be the most important thing (though not all things, as my first comment may have come off) to someone else.
As others have already said, if you don't know if you mean anything to who you're with, it's time to be somewhere else.
@eartheagle@xanga - it seems exaggerated yes, but i really have not experienced much romantically so i really wouldn't know what i would be missing out on. i'm completely unexperienced. i've had one boyfriend and have never done anything whatsoever. besides holding hands not even kissing. so do you kind of see what i meant by not necessarily needing a relationship? and what i meant was, because i have not experienced these things so i really had no desire for them. i mean without liking someone i was fine. yes i see what you mean though.
I'm in the same situation. and for him it goes back and forth how he feels towards me. We had the discussion once, right before christmas, and it almost ruined everything. He told me I was nothing. We decided to get to know each other better (he was supposed to be a one night stand... so talking was hardly involved). Now I'm back to the unsure stage, because he wears his emotions on his sleeve, and its time to bring the subject back up. We both like the unofficalness of our relationship. So just ask how he feels towards you. If you don't want to date set boundaries, so no one gets hurt or ends up disappearing.
I'm glad you get to spend a lot of time with him, consider yourself lucky. We met at the end of June, we had a lot of summer. But now I go to college he's still in high schools (19 and 16). It's rough, my college is only an hour and a half away. But I miss him whiles I'm gone. But talk to him, what am I to you could be one question. Or how do you feel towards me, may be a little easier to ask. So relax, and have a friend by the phone who knows you will be talking to him about this... just incase. And good luck.I'm pretty much in the same boat at the moment. I've been in relationships and I'm experienced but I still think along the same lines as you do. I don't mind being alone but not being alone isn't such a bad idea. I go with the flow.
Anyways the time to ask him would be as soon as possible. You should know where you's both stand with each other instead of over thinking it and I think I'll be doing the same thing.
@JaydenWolf@xanga - That's not a "blessing" seeing as how it's the choice of their partner. It's borderline obsessive, and human all at once.
OMG I feel like I wrote this! Every single thing you said is exactly how I feel right now in the "relationship" I am in. I also have never felt like this or experienced this because I have always been the one who loves being single and doesn't need a guy. But I feel like things are changing now and I am trying to get the courage to say how I feel but I also don't want to ruin things. I am realizing that I do need more and I do want to experience this feeling with him. I think we need to take risks in life because you never know how great something can turn out to be. I am so glad I read this because I know someone is going through what I am going through.
@HollowTendencies@xanga - Wow you're lonely.
@melandollic@xanga - No I'm not. I have an awesome boyfriend.
I'm pretty much in the same situation too but on the other hand Im with another guy but we're in an open relationship.
lol massive amounts deja vu reading this ~_~;
I know exactly how you feel because someone very recently made me feel this exact same way. I also understand where you are coming from with being content not having someone to love because you haven't really been there yet. learn from my mistake and say something before it's too late because that way you won't regret it later on if nothing comes of it. Sometimes, even when the feeling is mutual if things dont progress, it will kind of just fizzle. I am still not over this past "thing" (since it didn't have a label lol) and I didn't realize that it was time for me to stop being scared. Good luck :)
I'm usually a very honest person, and when it comes to matters of the heart, I'm very up front, because I don't want anyones' feelings getting hurt...if it's inevitable, I do it in the nicest way possible.
I've had my feelings played with numerous times, and I try very hard not to do it to anyone else...I think that you should just be honest, and tell him what's up, you know?
In my case, never. We've complicated our situation so much that now we're in unspoken agreement that our relationship isn't going any further than a little more than friends, yet still less than bf/gf.
Meh.
I've felt a similar way. I thought that I was over him but I still think about him everyday
he doesn't even care to say hi anymore. my situation is different though because we've already expressed our feelings. my version was in details, his version was vague. I'm not sure how he feels but I don't want to pressure him to express his feelings
This is exactly what I'm going through right now, like word for word. I hate it, because I know he doesn't like me. I've liked him for three years, but recently, since I got to know him, it's getting stronger and stronger and I just want it to go away. Half of me never wants to see him again so that I can get over him, but the other half can't stand to be away from him. He's driving me crazy.