Wednesday, 27 January 2010
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The "Pet Name" Problem
So, I've found myself running into very few roadblocks in my relationship with my boyfriend thus far----8 months into the relationship, to be more precise. However, one that we just can't seem to get over is the "Pet Name" problem. In all of the relationships I've been in, it felt natural to call each other "sweetie", "babe", "baby", "honey", "butter nuts" (jk on the last one)---and natural it came! Within a month of dating, the name calling would begin and we'd have it nailed down without any awkward feelings.
The current boyfriend after 8 months---awkward. VERY, VERY awkward. So awkward, in fact, that it doesn't ever happen. Well, maybe once or twice "honey" has slipped out of his mouth---and while it brought a very temporary feeling of endearment and made my heart flutter, it was very short lived as I knew I probably wouldn't hear it again for the next week or so ever.
At first I didn't want to make a big deal out of it since I knew he hadn't been in a relationship in a very long time, and he probably just was not used to calling any girl by a cutesy pet name...but at this point in the relationship, hearing him call me by my first name usually results in something on the lines of...
Him: "What are you doing today, Christine?"
Me: "Probably working, going to the gym, NOLAN" (with an extreme emphasis on his name)
It's disheartening and makes for many awkward situations. Don't get me wrong, we are very affectionate towards each other in many ways...We always hold hands when we drive, give each other plenty of hugs and kisses, but the "Pet Name" problem always exists and does not look like it will be resolved any time in the near future.
He says it was the way he was raised---his parents never did it, his relatives never did it, none of his friends do it---the excuses are endless, really. I say---who gives a crud! I feel like it's another way to show affection and not hearing it honestly makes me sad! Am I being melodramatic here?
P.S. It doesn't help that he bares a slight resemblance to Ryan Gosling from "The Notebook"---aka one of the most romantic men alive in a movie. [See exhibit A and B]
Exhibit A: Ryan Gosling
Exhibit B: The Boyfriend
Do you call your significant other any pet names? Has it ever been awkward for you?
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- From: xtineey@xanga
- Name: C h r i s t i n e
- Location: California, United States
- About Me: Tired of being an oyster, she tried life as a pearl for awhile~
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Comments (91)
This has been something I've appreciated as cute in my past relationships, but never thought of as something needed.
Are you really upset for not having some lame pet name?
Hmm...it seems to come naturally to me too but then again I'm in the creative field. As for my SO, well it's a bit of a problem for him as well. He uses the standard 'babe' or 'baby' which is fine until one day I was at his family house and his dog also responded when he called out 'baby' from the kitchen.
If that's your only problem, I'd say doing fairly well.
Nothing meant by this but your bf is really cute.
With that said, my situation is the total opposite. When my husband and I were dating, he always found it awkward to call me by my first name. I also found it pretty damn awkward to call him by his first name. I always call him hunnie, baby, and babes being the most common nickname I call him. It's a term of endearment and shows just how comfortable you are with that person you're in a relationship with. I would tell him that it's Okay that he calls you baby or hunnie and that it makes you feel good when he does. Give him some time though since he's not used to the whole nickname thing and I'm sure in time he'll come around.
I don't have a SO, but pet names, I've got those. My parents have always been big on pet names for kids...Mom's called us all honey, baby, sweetheart, what-have-you, and each of us ended up with our own mushy nickname. Daddy's called his girls "darlin'" for as long as I can remember.
My friends get sweetie'd and hun'd, and lovely'd.
It's just a natural thing for me. The guys, well, I call one of them brother, because he's like a brother. And another has a weird nickname, but that's pretty much it.
I'm not really worried about it. I prefer names that COULD be affectionate, but aren't, necessarily. "Squirt" "Trouble" "Shorty" "Death". It's all in the way you say it.
I can't believe you don't see the problem in trying to force your boyfriend to do something that isn't natural to him. If it wasn't how he was raised, he doesn't feel comfortable doing it. It would be forced. The most you can do is suggest it, let him know that you like it, and see where he goes with it. But by creating stressful and awkward situations (which you are doing by emphasizing his name when you want him to use a pet name) you are potentially harming your relationship. Just give it a break; he'll do it if and when he's ready.
I found it awkward when my ex first called me wifey. I don't even know what to say after that. But then, I became so used to it that after a few weeks, I (unconsciously) started to call him hubby.
I swore after my last long termer that I'd NEVER do the pet names thing again...she was my fluffy mash and I was her salty carrot. Uch.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
I know what you mean, sometimes it feels really awkward to call someone a pet name. All relationships are different, so don't compare this one to any other one. If it's really important to you, you might have to start by calling him honey, baby, whatever and deal with the awkwardness until it feels natural. Then, maybe in a few months he'll catch up? Honestly, I think it shows respect to call someone by his or her given name...I can't tell you how many times I've used "baby" or "angel" when I was afraid I was going to get his name wrong or didn't give a f$#% about who he was.
I understand where you're coming from. It sort of bothered me at first that we never had them. I'll call him pet names sometimes (mostly "love"), but he has been calling me Caity for quite some time. It's a nickname more than a pet name, but he's the only one who calls me it, so that's special. And I think it's cute.
Ahahaha...you're a funny writer. I don't know why but I found the butterballs joke hilarious and the monologue you put in.
You don't need pet names. If it doesn't come natural, maybe you just won't have any in the relationship.
That doesn't mean you have any less of a relationship though! Like you said, he wasn't raised that way so don't worry about it :)
My boyfriend and I call each other "Bear" so much that it's strange to hear him say my real name.
It's kind of dumb to get mad at him for this. He doesn't feel comfortable doing it and it doesn't come to him naturally, so why would forcing him into calling you pet names make things any less awkward?
By the way, actors are not their characters. Comparing your boyfriend (based on SLIGHT resemblance) to a fictional character is not going to end well for you. That's like saying because you look Asian you should be able to make some killer Chinese food.
I actually can't stand pet names. I don't think it's necessary. I'll occasionally take "honey", "dear", or "darling"... but the ones I cannot stand at all are "babe", "baby", "sweetie", "schnookums", etc. But then again, I love my name and it would make me more happy to have my boyfriend address me by that than something else.
I agree with @i_r_keiko@xanga.
Honestly... Just get over it. It's not a big deal. And hey... Look on the bright side, at least he knows your name. It's better than calling all your girl/boyfriends the same pet name to avoid saying the wrong name.
In my opinion, it's something silly to be upset about. To be truthful - I think pet names are kinda annoying, so I wouldn't mind your situation at all.
If you love your boyfriend, it's something you'll have to work through. Give him time - if he didn't grow up with that kinda stuff, then it will take some getting used to. Maybe he'll turn around eventually. And if not, you'll just have to decide if it's a deal breaker, or if you love him more than a silly pet name.
@Mitsuye@xanga - hahaha you're right! :]
i don't know. maybe it's just me, but sure i love the whole cute name thing, but i like when a guy says my name too because out of everyone he talks to, what are the odds their name is the same as mine, ya know?
we both are uncomfortable with calling each other our own names... so all we use is "pet names" when we're talking to each other. but we're fine using our own names when we are speaking to others about the other one.
I have called my boyfriend soo many things, its insane. He doesn't complain though, and he also calls me millions of things. I've been mostly sticking with "Babe" and "Bear" for the past couple days. I think the nickname "Bear" is adorable, he's my bear.
@RazorBladeParade@xanga - I do make some killer Chinese food.
and for clarification---I never get MAD at him for not calling me anything other than my first name...I just wish he would.
Whenever I have had a bf I expect them to call me something sweet...but I have friends both sexes that call me sweety etc or I say it to my friends...it's just the way we talk but maybe that's a southern thing .
...I dont see the problem
i understand. my boyfriend and i do use pet names and it's almost weird if we call one another by our real names. it's cute and makes you feel special.
I despise the typical names-- babe, baby, sweety. I really really hate it. One day just to be stupid he called me muffin, and it just stuck. We always call each other that now. lol
However, I don't feel that pet names are in any way essential, or a sign of how much you like each other. Feel happy that you haven't developed a habit of referring to each other in a way that would disgust most innocent bystanders.
It was for awhile, until I lived with my dad for three years, and he was so used to pet names... He called his wife "babe" and he called me "babe", and vice versa... it was just something normal to him. Now I don't find it TOO weird to use pet names, but I never use it in an extremely intimate situation. I call my friends "dearie" and "love" all the time.. which is somehow strange but I don't have issues with it.