Recently a friend of mine told me that she had oral sex for the first time. She seemed really happy about it and told me she loved it so naturally I was happy for her. However, as she told me the details of what went on I realized that no condoms were used. I also found out that she she only knew this guy for about a month.
When I asked her if she got him tested her response was, "If he had anything, he would have told me."
I was so surprised at how ignorant she could be. I asked her if she knew the other girls he'd slept with and had oral sex with. She said she thinks he only had sex with his last girlfriend. The key word here is "thinks." I had to remind her that every STD you can get from vaginal sex, you can get from oral sex. I then explained to her that many STDs have no symptoms and there is no way he could know unless he was tested. I explained to her that many guys will not give two shits about you and lie to get a blow job.
The thing that surprised me more was that she blew off everything I said and assumed she was fine. She sarcastically said, "oh, guess I have something then." She also said this guy was really great and not the type to lie. I tried to get her to promise to use condoms in the future. She said flavored ones might be fun but she still thinks it'd be a lot more fun with no condom at all, and just flavored lube.
So my questions to everyone are:
Do you take oral sex as seriously as vaginal sex when it comes to STDs? and How can I get my friend to be more careful without her getting a STD and learning the hard way?
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Comments (46)
You can't - but hopefully her first STD will teach her that lesson.
@whitetrashpoet@xanga - What about the act of giving her a few articles about how there are guys who lied or never told anyone, and they wind up being in a long line of AIDS victims of the same guy? I'll work it out and get those articles now, if she likes.
Unfortunately with people like this (and I know quite a few) it takes something serious before they realize how serious the issue is.
@mynameisblueskye@xanga - The thing is...those stories are everywhere. The truth is everywhere. The problem in young women these days is they have the "Oh, it's so not going to happen to me" mentality. I read a great article (can't remember where) where they interviewed a ton of women between 20 and 35...they were all like, "Yeah, I'm being stupid, but I can't help it - I just don't make him wear a condom." One woman said she was told repeatedly how unsafe she was being, but didn't believe it until she became pregnant, with twins, from a one night stand, and found out on that same day she had a lifelong STD, and her children were also born with it. Yeah, NOW she's appalled, and NOW she's going, "how in the world do I tell my daughters that they have an STD?" but she said nothing changed her behavior until it happened. It sucks, and it's sad, but people who willingly ignore the facts...I don't have that much sympathy for them. The OP tried to talk to her - girl didn't listen. I'm willing to bet she won't listen until she gets an STD herself, and by then it's too late anyway.
There's just no point in oral sex with a condom on.
Just sayin'.
@An_iLL_Dispositi0n@xanga - agreed.
@whitetrashpoet@xanga - i originally agreed with what you said, until i read @mynameisblueskye@xanga's comment. he's right--what if she gets hiv? and then maybe passes it onto her kids (like you suggested)? the op's friend is completely oblivious, as we can all agree, and i'm generally one to let idiots be idiots. but in this case, her actions could negatively affect others. i think the op should keep at her attempts to knock some sense into her friend.
All you can do is keep trying, but she won't accept it until she chooses to, unfortunately, and if she has to learn the hard way, at least you can say "I told you so..."
Show her pictures of throat cancer?
I would never give my trust out like that, you never know where a guy has been or who he has been with.
watch "The Libertine" with her. tell her it's a cool Johnny Depp movie. mention at the end that the cause of his illness is syphilis.
i didn't even know ppl give blowjobs with condoms on. o___O that shits lubricated and i'm not ingesting it.
@xraindropsonroses@xanga - Exactly.
STDS are on the Rise and its foolish people who deny it that are spreading it, they dont care to get tested and they could have crabs or sum shit. if you ask anyone to get tested and they say no that should be a red flag!
I take every type of intimacy seriously. your friend is sprung over this guy so she gives him the benefit of the doubt even though you warned her of the dangers. if she is your close friend, then tell her again with some tough love. if she is just a whatever friend, let her be and learn on her own when she wakes up from her lovestruck oblivion.
Giving a blowjob with a condom on sounds not-fun.
I wouldn't do it, and I don't.
@Honey14 - haha way to be a ninja. i second this plan
@An_iLL_Dispositi0n@xanga - Pretty much.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga and @mynameisblueskye@xanga - The idea of contracting HIV from oral sex has long been dismissed by professionals, as those who engage in risk-taking behavior rarely list oral sex as their only risk. Sure, it hasn't been deemed impossible, but to counter that, long-term exposure to the AIDS virus orally prompts saliva to create antibodies that kill the AIDS virus. It may not be safe, but it's far from the worst idea, like a direct blood transfusion.
@Katja88@xanga - Why lie?
get tested together!
@godofthelost@xanga - A strain of HPV can, in fact, cause cancer in the throat. It can be transmitted through oral sex. http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/hpv-genital-warts/news/20090729/oral-sex-cause-throat-cancer-rise
@Katja88@xanga - Approximately 90% of all cases of HPV-related throat cancers are caused by the HPV-16 strain, which is one of the two main strains the HPV vaccines are designed to vaccinate for. That crisis, as well as many others, could easily be averted with those shots. Not saying that the subject of the original post would be inclined to get vaccinated, of course.
Article: Cinciripini, Paul M.
Journal: Cancer
I'd post more of the info but I know you won't be able to access the article from my school's database.
I'm all for safety, but WHO THE FUCK USES CONDOMS FOR ORAL SEX. Holy shit it's like licking a tire for the girl and vague light pressure on the penis for the guy.
@godofthelost@xanga - Exactly.
Though, to the person who posted, that might be a good thing to point out to her--getting vaccinated is important. The risks of the shot are tiny compared to the risks of getting a common strain of HPV.
Who the fuck wears a condom while getting blown? That's just weird.
well i dont like the condom feeling either, i dont go around asking either unless its serious and you SEE that something is wrong. something that totally puts you off or you know of their sexual activities. either they are easy and sleeps around alot etc
if its a matter off 3? i wouldn't be too concerned about it.
make her get tested if you are concerned for her or tell her to only go for virgins? (likewise you can't tell if a guy a virgin)