One of my girl friend just asked me for a favor. She wants me to help get her husband served.
Let me explain. It's been almost a year since she found out he's been cheating. When she confronted him the first time, he accused of her of being crazy and insecure. The 2nd time she confronted him because she found out he had ordered a box of economy sized condoms and had it shipped to his mom's house, he didn't try to deny it. How could he? They haven't had sex in months and he just ordered enough condoms to last a few years. Obviously he's getting some on the side.
Anyway, my friend asked for a divorce and he won't give it to her.
Maybe because he doesn't want to pay for child support or alimony but he refuses to sign the papers and he also refuses to leave the house they both shared. Now that it's out in the open, he's even brought that other woman to their house when she's not around. My friend has found contact solution and cases lying around and neither of them wears contacts. She's struggling to save money to hire a lawyer to get the divorce processed but was told he has to be served with the letter. After that, he has to appear in court no matter what.
I've told my friend to change her locks but since he's a cop, he'll just bust down the door with his cop buddies and cause trouble for her. He obviously doesn't love her anymore and he's not trying to repair their marriage so why won't he agree to the divorce. Is it really about the money? My question is why won't he leave?
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Comments (55)
This is an absolutely horrible situation for your female friend, I feel so badly for her.
I want to know the answer too.
My guess: Because he's controlling. He prefers to have control over both your friend and his mistress. Letting her go would be allowing her to move on and be happy, and controlling people care only about their own happiness. You friend married a total douche, but is doing the right thing by getting a divorce. I'm glad she's staying strong.
If someone divorces you it seems like something is wrong with you. He probably doesn't want to admit he's fucked up to the general public.
what a terrible situation. >.<
that's horrible :( I really don't know what to suggest. :/
Because he's an evil, evil man. I would say that she needs some big guy friends to beat the shit out of him, but since he's a cop I don't see that panning out too well. I mean, I guess the only thing she can do is wait until she has the money saved up for a lawyer.
I agree with one of the previous comments about it being because of a control issue. as long as he doesn't agree to the divorce, she is still "under his control" and unable to establish a new life for herself and to find happiness again. some people that I know who have manipulative, controlling personalities often tend to be very insecure and unhappy with themselves (though they won't admit it), so they constantly try to make other people unhappy, too. unfortunately, this is happening to your friend. I wish the best for her and hope this all works out.
That's one of the most horrible situations I've ever heard. I feel so sorry for your friend :( The only thing I can suggest is for her to plan a huge day to attempt to get rid of him while he's out. Have friends come over while he's at work and throw all his stuff in the front yard. That same day change the locks and make sure they have (at least one) deadbolts so he can't break the doors down. Also, she should work on getting a restraining order against him.
If that doesn't work she should seriously consider leaving herself. I know that it's her house too, but she really just needs to get away from the situation any way that she can. Maybe rent an apartment, or stay with family or friends. I'm assuming they have children because you mentioned child support, and they don't need to be exposed to that. Especially if he's bringing the other woman around.
And I know that no one likes asking for money, but given this situation maybe her close family and friends would be willing to help her out with lawyer fees. Once she's rid of this ass she can start rebuilding her life.
Yeah, I agree with tryingtofind_me. buy deadbolts and install them once he's gone out. I don't know when exactly, but that sounds like a good solution for the door problem
That is so horrible! :(
Way, way horrible situation! T_T Well, I think he doesn't want to have his image or career destroyed. Besides he's a cop! Cops can be really, really commanding.
He won't stop thinking about her until he's thinking about someone else.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
because getting a divorce will ruin his reputation
one is the ideal wife to show to the world(parents and friends) and the secret other woman, the mistress, is to fulfill other needs. he is selfish plain and simple. money has to do with it. he doesn't want to pay child support/alimony and he knows that she is financially stuck and likely won't have the funds to hire a divorce lawyer. he probably has a good rep since he is a cop and if she told his friends and family about his secret life or other bad habits, they likely won't believe her. he is a wolf in sheep's clothing.
With that situation, are you really going to ask an online community for answers?
You should refer her to a professional (psychologist, lawyer, etc.) instead.
that sucks...maybe she should just leave the house they live in now and stay with her parents. it'll help her save money if she does need a lawyer. heck maybe if she leaves this guy will leave what hes messing up
Be a good friend and help her raise the money for the divorce.
ask her to leave the house with the children... may be stay at her parents' house? i think he is totally mentally abuse his wife. yeh, as a fd, you could help her for getting a lawyer.
Poor girl married a bitch.
that really sucks :(
she should move out if he won't she needs to be strong.
reputation
One of the best things she can do is gather all the evidence of the other women and keep it in storage. Maybe when it comes to court, she can do DNA testing or something. I wish your friend good luck! No woman should ever have to go through something like this, especially since he's extending the pain.
The money and the fact he probably just gets his kicks out of treating her so horribly. Anyway, after reading your post, I checked out a website on divorce, and apparently, "When all other methods fail, the court will allow service to be made by
publication. This involves announcing the divorce petition in a
newspaper where your spouse is likely to be living for a specified
amount of time. You will need to return a copy of the newspaper
notice, with a statement for how long the notice ran, to the court for
proof of service." (taken from http://www.womansdivorce.com/how-to-serve-divorce-papers.html)
Or, I suppose, posting the divorce notice on the billboard, paid for from their joint account would be even better!
@Konary@xanga - -nod-
Honestly, this boils my blood. Fucking dick.
YOU KNOW WHAT? RUIN THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.
He KNOWS what he's doing. He's a fucking pathological, sociopathic piece of SHIT who deserves to be RUINED. He has EMOTIONALLY BLACKMAILED, trapped, and cornered this woman, and made her life a living hell hole. She can't fucking run away because she has to KEEP TAKING THIS SHIT. She's STUCK and has NO FUCKING CHOICE now in this stupid position and will HAVE to endure his abuse (it may not be physical but IT'S ABUSE, and HE BROUGHT THE OTHER WOMAN TO THE FUCKING HOUSE).
Can't she move out? Can't they agree to a separation? No? He's going to try and PIN HER DOWN? Fucking asshole needs to feel POWERFUL? I'd advise that in case he gets nasty, she should kick him in the balls, but this disgrace of a man, this fucking wuss, probably doesn't HAVE ANY.