Tuesday, 26 January 2010
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Why Are You Monogamous?
I'm watching The View, and they're talking about this guy who writes this column about sex. He says that men are incapable of being monogamous and that they only do it because they absolutely have to.
This doesn't make sense to me. Sure, men have a lot of testosterone and all that BS, but still, it's stupid to generalize that all men are like this, just as stupid as it is to say that all women prefer monogamy.
Some guys love being with one girl and some girls want to be with more than one guy and vice versa. I am so tired of people saying "guys do this" and "girls do that". The more society pushes these so-called "facts" the more people are going to try to live up to those expectations and it's going to start being true. It's just stupid. If, in fact, all guys are only monogamous because they "have" to be, then that's really disappointing and I'm converting to lesbianism. I'm sorry, I need someone to be faithful to me and to want to be faithful to me, just like I want to be faithful to someone and will be faithful to someone.
Anyway, to confirm or disprove my belief, I want to ask a question, to both guys and girls. Are you only monogamous because you have to be? Or because you want to be?
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- From: HollowTendencies@xanga
- About Me: This is probably the most honest I'll ever be with myself. --<3Hollow
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Comments (97)
My husband and I want to be so we are.
People generalize because it's the easiest thing to do and creates the most attention (see I'm generalizing)
I'm monogamous, because I feel right being so.
I stay monogamous because I want to be. I really can't see any upsides to having more than one SO at once.
Biologically, yes, men are designed to be polygamous. But we are intelligent creatures and able to overcome many different things, and it is no great feat to be monogamous. Generally, I believe people who throw that around are just looking for an excuse to sleep around. The basis for the theory is that men produce sperm basically at will - a man can have sex many times in one day, with many different women, and theoretically could produce children in all cases. Women produce one egg a month. Men are "more fertile" in that aspect. But is that a case against monogamy? Nope. I'm monogamous because I want to be; same with my husband. And he is not suppressing "biological urges" or "only doing it because he has to".
My husband and I both want to be monogamous, or we wouldn't have gotten married.
I think the better part of this post was where it dispelled generalizations, which only limit people. As for the question itself... who knows.
i am monogamous because it I want to put all my energy, effort, love, trust etc into one relationship and one person. Plus, it would be way stressful having more than one SO
I'm monogamous because I want to be, and because he wants to be. I love him, and he loves me. And sex and our relationship is exclusive. It's something that belongs solely to us, and gives human representation to how our souls are entwined with one another. I think that's what sex and monogamy represents for me.
I agree. All of these generalizations about what each gender always does really bothers me. I know plenty of guys who want to commit and buckle down and find that right girl, just like I know a lot of guys who want to be single and play the field. Same with girls. In the past, I've wanted to be single so I be with different guys and explore and all of that, but now I want to be monogamous. I want it because it's secure and because there's that constant support. However, it's not until I really found the right guy that I decided on that. I think that as soon as a person, of either sex, decides that they've found the person they want to be with, then monogamy is possible.
My husband has always been the "good guy." He had one serious girlfriend before me and after they broke up he went almost 2 years without having sex because he didn't want to bounce from girl to girl just banging them. I know this for a fact because we were friends that entire time!
Since we started dating he's had plenty of chances to cheat! That serious girlfriend even stopped by his apartment when she knew I was out of town... She got in his bed and tried to get him to fuck her. He didn't even go in the room when he saw her there! Now that's a guy with self control!
It's ridiculous to generalize and say all men cheat or want to. Were all these "facts" gathered from horny teenage boys? Real men have more control over their penis and mind.
I want to be.
My boyfriend and I both are because if were weren't our relationship wouldn't have a point or be special. We want to be.
@whitetrashpoet@xanga - thank you! anyone who asks where these generalizations come from has not done any research into evolutionary psychology. and as evolved (and awesome) as we are, i think we all make our choices.
@raedium@xanga - love this i see sex and relationships that way, too.
i'm monogamous because i want to be. because i know it will make me happiest. because i've been brought up to believe it's "right", morally and religiously, and it's what feels right to me.
I'm monogamous and so is my boyfriend because we both consider it downright wrong not to be... I don't believe in dating "just for fun", I believe in dating to find a life partner, which should be fun too! And cheating is disgusting.
im like that. in fact, i had this dream, of marrying the very first girl i went out with....but....
it seems that....the girl i thought knew what love was, and knew what she meant when she said "i love you"...i thought she knew it all. i thought she was the one......
but ti would seem.....that she has made a change of mind..... and to be honest. it pisses me off. because i know i can love someone.....
i need someone who needs to be loved....someone who will stay with me....because i know ill stay with them.....
Monogomous means you only have sex with one person. So if you had sex at age 14 and then had sex again at age 52 your not monogomous. Dump the pigs that sleep with everyone they are scum. save it for marriage.
In a way, this guy could have a point. Men are genetically/biologically/whatever programmed to want to get as many of their genes into the next generation as possible. This means getting as many girls as they can, because one girl is out of use for 9 months while she has a kid, so gotta get the next one, and next, etc.
But... just because their genetics want this, doesn't mean their brain and morals and values do. I'm sure many men are monogamous because they love their partner and couldn't imagine themselves with anyone else, even if their genes are screaming at them to get a move on already ;)@justXforXyou_beautiful@xanga -
:RANT:
the whole "men are programmed to because of their genes" bullsh*t needs to be dispelled. this is a notion that became popular because it's such a great, and seemingly "intelligent", excuse to do bad things, along with the whole "people are inherently selfish because the ones who think for themselves and come out on top are the ones who pass on their genes to the next generation and contribute to evolution" crap. and as we can see, the opposite sex has even accepted it to be true! how convenient for us guys!
honestly, biologically speaking, this is only remotely accurate and representative back when we were cavemen. it's something that was assumed in retrospect, applying fundamental theories in genetics to ANCIENT HISTORY. it's been a looooonnnnnnngggggggggggg time since then, and throughout the hundreds of thousands of generations since then, we have EVOLVED. modern science even dictates that within a single generation, people's DNA can change due to behavioral and environmental factors (the entire field of epigenetics). a day in the life of a human being is quite different today than it was back then. so please, PLEASE, PUH-LEASE everyone who read some funny/stupid article in cosmo or maxim, please stop citing that pseudo-scientific bullcrap.
:end rant:
to answer the post's question, when i love someone, i am monogamous because i just don't want to be with anyone else.
@justXforXyou_beautiful@xanga - Yeah, you do bring up a good point. But wouldn't women be the same, I mean sure they can only produce one egg a month, but wouldn't they want to leave say.. if the guy was shooting blanks? Would biology say yes? I just don't understand why people would revert back to primal instincts. Haven't we evolved past that? Or will it just be something that's always with us, in the back of our mind....
My husband and I are monogamous because we choose to be. It's been wonderful thus far.
i'm monogamous because i want to be, and based on his actions and words, my man is with me because he wants to be. i'm not holding him down; if he wanted out of the relationship he could easily do so.
@atmaster@xanga - Haha, thanks you just answered my question in my comment before this one. And that's good to hear. I believe the same thing. I think people just use it as an excuse now.
"This doesn't make sense to me. Sure, men have a lot of testosterone and
all that BS, but still, it's stupid to generalize that all men are like
this, just as stupid as it is to say that all women prefer monogamy."
I completely agree with this. Statistics and all that BS like 'Italian Men Are More Likely To Cheat" and "Is It 5PM? Your Man Is The Horniest At 5PM",...it's all bullshit. There are just as many women with urges to cheat as many men with urges to settle down with one person.