Tuesday, 26 January 2010
-
Privacy in a Relationship
A friend and I were talking the other day and the topic of privacy in a relationship came up. We started discussing the issue of sharing passwords. My friend has been in a relationship for over 2 years and knows all of her boyfriends passwords to his email, Faebook, etc. It's not that she doesn't trust him, it's just that they are open about everything. She has admitted to logging on to his Facebook and checking out his ex-girlfriends pages a few times but it hasn't gone beyond that. (And hey, I've done that too, just by sneakier means!)
So this got me thinking:
Where does one draw the line of privacy in a relationship? Personally, I wouldn't want my SO to know my passwords, not because I'm shady, but because that's a private aspect of my life. I receive emails from my parents, my friends, prospective employers, etc, that don't have to do with him. And I barely delete my email so I have some rather telling emails from exes long ago that would just hurt him if he read them. I tell him the important aspects, and I think that's okay. He doesn't need to know every mundane message or email I receive.
My friend, however, feels differently. She thinks its a stage of progression in a relationship, a new level of trust. She thinks that its a huge step if you can trust your SO with your passwords, not out of insecurity, but out of the pure fact that you don't want to hide anything from them.
Do you share your passwords with your SO? Would you get mad if you SO refused to give up their passwords? Where do you draw the line of privacy in a relationship?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: twenty_ish
- Name: twenty_ish
- About Me: a twenty something, lost in the world of love, passion, and idealistic compulsions
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 7 Views: 0 39389 Comments: 0 463 View all posts by twenty_ish
Comments (85)
I'm completely honest & open with my boyfriend about anything & everything. If I don't tell him, I feel like I'm hiding or keeping something from him. I just need to be this way, because I'm naturally secretive & I hate keeping things from him.
Privacy in relationships - I've never heard anything as unlikely or ridiculous in my life! I'm always on the snoop for new random rabbits or whatever they're called...and her texts are fair game as far as I'm concerned. Hmm, maybe this is why I'm currently single...
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
No, I don't share passwords with my SO. I shared it one time when I felt like my life is in danger... I mean, it's not really a big deal in the relationship. His facebook is his, and mine is mine. Same goes with our xangas and our other accounts online.
my boyfriend and i both know each other's facebook passwords. we both trust each other and everything, but we got in a fight, and i was talking to my brother about it over messages, and my boyfriend read the messages, then complained to me about what was being said. so i don't know if the whole sharing passwords thing is a good idea. some things just need to stay private
I don't give out my passwords and I don't ask for anyone's passwords.
privacy won't hurt your relationship; secrecy will.
He knows some, I know none.. but that's ok because I know the password to his laptop and since he is permanently signed on to everything, I can find out anything I wanted just by having his laptop which he leaves me alone with quite often. But yes, I've done the whole look at the ex's facebook page, i've done a few more things... that i'm not proud of. He just doesn't care to know my passwords except for like my phone which i don't want to give him but i'll let him play with my phone with me there.
Until I'm married to someone, my passwords are MINE and mine alone =P
@asdfghjkieu@xanga - Yeah, but does it really count as "secrecy" to not tell that person all your passwords? Why exactly do they need access to all of your accounts?
Nah. If I couldn't trust him, why would I want to be in a relationship with him? And if he didn't trust me, why would I want to be in a relationship with him?
I've notified my closest, most trusted guy friend that when I die, he gets to change my status to freak people out. And the passwords are in a note to be given to him upon my death. But nothin' else.
We shared WoW passwords once, but other than that, my fiance doesn't know my passwords.
There should be nothing to hide in a relationship. With that said, I wouldn't just randomly give my p/w to my SO because he's in a relationship with me and it's something I have to do. Unless he asked and if he did ask, why would he need it and all the more reason to doubt.
I'm with you on the privacy thing... if you don't have anything to hide, it doesn't mean you should want to hand over your personal password just to prove that. Trust doesn't mean proving yourself over and over again (in THAT sense, having them continually read your shit), you know?
I've never had a reason to feel like I should snoop on my boyfriend's stuff (phone, computer, or otherwise), but my last boyfriend made me so insecure I did do it. He GAVE me his passwords to things, but I still wound up seeing stuff I didn't wanna see.
Then again, if you're snooping and you see shit you don't wanna see, that's sort of already your fault... you should have built trust together to eradicate that possible outcome.
I made that mistake in the past, and thankfully I've moved on to a healthy relationship :) not saying ALL women or men who snoop on their SO's personal stuff aren't healthy... some people are just nosy... >_>"
@asdfghjkieu@xanga - Ooh good answer.
I don't think it's necessary that couples share all their passwords, I just think it's necessary that people wouldn't mind if their SOs happened to come across a signed-in email or facebook account.
What would make me uncomfortable is if my SO could go through my email and facebook and blog every single day whenever he wanted to, but I'd have no issue with him just checking out a signed-in account one day while I'm just sitting with him. It's like if my SO somehow had a camera on me all day, everyday I'd obviously hate it for the lack of privacy, but if he was shown any random clip of my life, I wouldn't care. I have nothing to hide, but I do appreciate privacy.
I've gotten upset that my fiance won't share his passwords with me. I just think in terms of emergency.. What if he's in the hospital and I need to call his parents? I can't, because the phone is locked! What if I need to email someone I know is on his contact list? I can't because his computer/email account both have passwords! I don't know... it would just be more practical, because we are living together, and getting married. It just seems awfully strange for me to have to ask my husband to type in the password so I can get on his computer.
He on the other hand, knows all of my passwords, and frequently logs onto my facebook to change my status updates...
My gf knows my passwords to non-work related sites like xanga and facebook.I know hers too. It really doesn't matter. I don't ever go on her facebook.
I could be her right now. o.O
But, I don't think she really ever logs on as me either.
Both of my boyfriends know my password. Primally because we share bank accounts, and our mortgage, and the house cable account, etc. It was easier to use my primary password - because we all need multiple passwords for our jobs. They knew mine, because it's also my WoW password. I know theirs, because there have been times I've needed to check their emails for them when they didn't have internet access, or check bank accounts, etc. It's just more of out of necessity for us. However, a lot of my friends think this is really weird. I'd rather them have access to everything, though, if they want. I don't like hiding things.
it's not that you have anything to hide from him--but you do. i mean, you could go erase all of those emails that would hurt him, because they would hurt him, but you don't, why? Because you aren't ready to yet which means that you haven't entered a place in your relationship of complete openness.
the moment your guy can get on your computer knowing all of your passwords and pick up your phone without you flinching--that is when you really are totally open with each other.
There are times when I don't let my fiance go through my phone but I will just straight up tell him, "You won't like what you see I was texting my bff about our fight when I was upset and haven't gotten around to deleting it yet" and he usually laughs and reads enough to know he really doesn't want to see it.
But we are not totally open. I love to write stories, but I am also just afflicted with the insecurities that often come with people reading and judging your work so I am not always okay with him just getting on my lap top. I let him do it, because if he really wanted to it would be fine, but in the end--it is going to make me flinch.
our passwords are auto-saved on my computer, but i know most of his anyway. including his bank account pw and even his pin. and he knows my pin.
i snooped a couple times but i never ended up happy afterward so i quit doing it. he doesn't care enough to snoop through mine, i'm sure.
as for texts, i've got nothing to hide. i hate when ANYONE goes through my phone, especially without asking first. some things are just not meant for other's eyes, because it was the heat of the moment or something. plus, texts on my phone are TO me and FROM me. not to whoever happens to pick up my phone. the only time my bf and i read each other's texts are when one of us is in the middle of something else and can't reply back yet, etc.
i'm an open person...my bf knows about all my exes and the drama because i need him to understand who i am now based on what happened to me before. we both share. my life is an open book to anyone who asks. just don't snoop or i'll be pissed...i would just tell you anyway if you had asked.
NO ONE knows any of my passwords. My boyfriend doesn't ask for them and I don't ask for his either. I mean, what's the point in having someone's password if you aren't going to log on to their accounts? It's like, "I want your password, but you have to trust that I won't get in your business." Then why the heck do you want my password? I mean if he sees it as I'm typing it or something, no big deal, but if he asks for it, I'm going to be suspicious. I have nothing to hide as far as Facebook and MySpace goes (Xanga is a different story), so I mean, why does it matter if I give him my password?
Nobody knows my passwords except me. They're mine, and nobody should know them.
If I asked for a password and my SO refused to give it to me, I'd be bothered by it because of my insecurities. I don't know what this scenario would be, though... I don't really need to access his things without him there anyway. O.O
I'd give him any passwords of mine he wanted. I have nothing to hide (in fact, I'd rather be entirely exposed) and if he tried to use the accounts against me somehow, there'd be other relationship problems that were more important than the accounts anyways.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 and a half years and still we don't share our passwords with each other. I feel that since we've shared everything else, this is something that's my own personal, private space. He doesn't need to know my passwords because I trust him, but I'd like my own privacy. If that makes any sense...
my boyfriend and I share passwords, we have since we'd been together for about five months. honestly, he seemed to give it to me out of laziness in the first place because he wanted to know if he had any messages, etc, but didn't feel like logging on himself to check. then he moved and he lost his internet access for a while, so I would check his things for him. if I remember correctly, I was a bit reluctant to share my password with him, but I ended up giving it to him. I do believe that there are certain things that should remain private aspects of your life if that's what you want, but I don't think that social networking profiles/emails should be a big deal if you're not doing anything wrong.
Hell no. Sharing passwords is the Devil. I don't think you need to share those kinds of things with each other. There should be trust in the relationship, period. What's the point of having each other's passwords, anyway? To snoop around in each other's nonsense? No thank you.