I lost what most people consider to be my "virginity" about two years ago.
That date (which yes, I still remember), is not the day I feel I lost my virginity.
Because yes, it may have been the first time his penis went into my vagina, excuse my French, but it wasn't the moment I lost my innocence. That was not the moment in my life where I went from being a naive young girl to an experience woman.
When I was in second grade my older friend told me she knew what sex was. It was when a man and a woman lay in the same bed together and he gives her semen into her private part.
"Like little men in boats?" "No of course not! They're these little swimming things that make babies!"
Crack one against my innocence.Or later on in middle school when I was trying to access one of my then-favorite sites "gurl.com". I mis-typed the URL and my eyes were suddenly burned with huge fake boobies and naked men, the first time I saw porn.
Crack twoFreshman year in high school, when I was still only thirteen: A guy friend of my best friend's boyfriend came over to our sleepover. He brought condoms with him. Being thirteen, there was no way I was even letting him kiss me let alone have sex with me. So the whole night, although I objected, he laid on top of me- humping me like a little chihuahua.
Crack threeAfter that, there were countless "cracks" against my innocence. When my friends and I started watching porn to laugh at it, and when I learned that just about every guy I knew masturbated. By age fifteen I had my first boyfriend and we had kissed- even with tongue! Although french kissing is innocent compared to today's standards, it isn't exactly chaste. When he and I finally had sexual intercourse I did not see a young version of me separate from my body and wave "goodbye" as one person described losing their virginity. I did not leave that night at all a different person, no more innocent or less innocent than I was when I started the night. The young me is still entirely evident in my everyday life. The young me shows when I sleep with my stuffed animal, keep a night light on, and build snowmen.
So what I'm trying to say is the loss of my technical virginity was not truly the moment I lost my child like, pure being. It was just the moment when I first made love. Having sex is definitely an important decision to make, but is losing your virginity such a big deal?
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Comments (94)
completely agree with this
For some people, of course. For others, no.
I feel like a lot of your 'cracks' are not that bad or innocence-breaking...yeah, condoms and finding out your guy friends jerk off is something that changes your personality from less naive to more observant, but it doesn't really make your innocence disappear.
Still, good post.
@Cest_LaxVie@xanga - Just what I thought...
I do kinda agree with you for the most part though.
Losing your virginity has nothing to do with losing your innocence. I don't really agree with the way you worded a lot of this.
"I lost what most people consider to be my "virginity" about two years ago" - "most people"? Of course people consider you having sex for the first time to be the time you lost your virginity. That's what losing your virginity is.
Are you saying when you got dry-humped, you, in your opinion, lost your virginity? Do you disagree with "most people"? Just because you lost your "innocence" earlier than two years ago doesn't mean you weren't a virgin.
thank you
i totally agree
I completely 110% agree.
With our media brain-washed minds now-a-days it's sicking to think of how a females sense of morality is depending on such a simple thing as sex!
All of these virginity movements are promoting exactly what they claim to be against, bringing attention to a woman's sexuality, no matter how much or how little she has sex is still demeaning [and in my opinion promoting it!] It's disgusting to me to see our cultures obsession of youth get this much so out of hand. Real woman don't seem to have a place in our culture and that is sad. Such an enjoyable and intimate activity shouldn't get so much negative attention.
There is still a line there. After that first time, it's easier to go there again. That's a kind of lost innocence.
I would give almost anything if I could change my past so I didn't cross that line until after marriage. My life would have been so much simpler, less stressful, and more fulfilling.
I absolutely love this. I hate when people say that intercourse is the loss off innocence (which people also stupidly interchange with virginity) because it's not. All those things you said, and all of the little things like it.... Life, that's what chips away at our "innocence."
@emptypersonas@xanga - That's the simplest, best way to put it.
I'm still a virgin, been exposed to porn at five. My dad watched me watch porn and laughed.
Today, I'm addicted to yaoi (don't look it up).
I'm a HUGE pervert, but have no interest in having sex personally.
Virginity and innocence go hand-in-hand, but not always.
:D
- Kunoichi
It is a big deal, because you will never have your "first" again. Instead, you'll be adding to a number.
However, I think this post was a little dramatic. I'll just leave it at that.
I definitely lost my "innocence" way before I lost my virginity. I really didn't feel much different after I did it.
I think the loss of innocence is just in the single act, but all the steps taken to get there. Finding out what sex is, seeing how people act when they're driven by sexual urges, experiencing those urges yourself, and then finally doing it.
@KrazeeKunoichi009@xanga - This is the internet- we are all nerds here. We don't have to be otaku to know what yaoi is.
I actively sought these things out. I never really wanted to be ''nieve'' or 'innocent'' nor did I want to be a virgin for very long after I had my first period. That's my version of it. Most kids grow up this way I think.I lost my innocence when I was younger, not sex though. I think I seriously lost my innocence when I saw a guy masturbate. I wasn't grossed out. I didn't stumble upon it. it was mutual
I used to think a guy's privates were weird looking until I met this guy
yes of course, and it should be more for girls then guys.
I think you are completely right. There is so much more sex and sexuality than the physical act, it's pointless to place so much emphasis on virginity or when and how you lose it. For some people it might be experienced as the loss of innocence, but for others of us (myself included) innocence was long gone before the act.
I definitely agree with you here. Sex and sexuality are do not define innocence. Yes, they are apart of it, but its not everything. There are so many other things, some as simple as finding out Santa isn't real, that contribute to the loss of innocence. It's just growing up. Some do it faster than others, but in the end, I really don't think sex is going to define who you are or whether or not your innocence is still intact. Good post!
@Salivarysatisfaction - You'd be surprised how many people I ran into who didn't know what yaoi is. Just making sure I include them and telling them to not look it up, is all. ;D
great post. i never understood people and their obsession with "virginity." female virginity, in particular.
for some people it's a big deal but to me it's not such a big deal at all.
I lost my virginity the first month of college to a guy I had feelings for. Two weeks later he then told me he wanted to be just friends. I was hurt and mad at myself for having sex with HIM, not the sole fact that I had sex. Since then it's occurred a few other times but never with anyone totally special. The last guy I had sex with was this guy named Ty and I really liked him. I broke down and told him that I had feelings for him months before (when he had a girlfriend) and he kept saying all these really nice things to me and then one thing led to another. He promised me he wasn't going to hurt me and that he would still talk to me. HA! Sure enough, he hasn't. I drunkenly went off on him via text a week later and he texted back the next morning trying to blame everything on me and tried telling me he was really busy with school, work, blah blah blah. I didn't respond. I knew the truth. The truth was he was just drunk, horny, and in the moment that night we had sex. He knew, as well as I, that as long as I heard the words "I'm not like any other guy", then I'd give in and have sex with him, because I had feelings. To me, sex isn't a big deal. Just as long as it's not with someone you have feelings for who will screw you over. In that case, wait for it. Of course you shouldn't go around banging every walking vagina/penis but if you have sex, so what?
innocence does not equal virginity. however it's still important when you lose your virginity imo.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - thats wat i was gunna say you dont have to be innocent to be a virgin