Get this. A relationship that is perfect. I mean it. No fights, total understanding, fun and love in every area that's important or insignificant, constant communication in a good way, laughing, loving, happiness. Then, out of the blue, come a text (yes, not a phone call, but a text - but that's a whole other issue isn't it?) saying 'Good morning. Hey I don't think we should be together anymore, it isn't meant to be."
That's the gist. With further questioning, the only answers to why are: "I fell out of love with you." "I don't understand it either." and "I was happy and loved you, but I don't now." Then the rest of it is pretty much saying "I don't see this working out. It can't be fixed and there's no working it out."
How did we go from perfect to crap in .60 seconds? How doesn't he even understand? And why, when we always agreed to work things out (even if we started to think it was the end) did he say "no, this is it, What's done is done."? I don't get it, so I'm leaving this to you my faithful followers of the painstaking race called love, what gives?
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Comments (42)
what?
thats interesting, something just like that happened to me and my first boyfriend. at the time i thought everything was perfect, i mean, we never fought, he always told me how much he loved me, we communicated well.... but then one day he just broke it off. it was like hitting a brick wall for me. but years later i realize that it really wasnt meant to be and that things werent as perfect as i thought they were. infatuation and "love" just blocked me from seeing it at the time.
maybe it was only perfect in your eyes... from your perspective, but not his. theres no such thing as a perfect relationship. every relationship, whether it be friendship or romantic takes hard work to maintain. if you're not doing that then there's probably something wrong.
in my case the boyfriend broke up with me cuz he cheated on me and felt bad about it. something i never found out until about a year later. but during that time i couldnt understand what went wrong either. i wasted a lot of time trying to analyze our relationship and figure out what went wrong since the guy wouldnt give me any clues.
my suggestion for you? dont sit around and waste your time with it.
It was how my last relationship ended. We never fought and we got along fine, but she then decided that it wasn't going to work out and she didn't bother to fight for the relationship.
HOWEVER, I'm a true believer in fate and that everything happens for a reason, or that it leads to a reason. And where I am right now, I think that if we haven't broke up then, I've wouldn't have met my wonderful girlfriend now.
Remember, when one door closes, another opens.
Just because there are no fights doesn't mean the relationship is perfect. For me, if me and some guy never fight, it's because I don't care at all.
Is he impulsive? Makes decisions quickly? The last guy I was seeing broke up with me the same way. One night, he invited me to a party. The next night, he didn't call me, the third night, he broke up with me. I didn't care for him though.
best wishes, breakups suck.
Life? happens to me more than I'd like.
More likely than not, it was a gradual feeling - when the "honeymoon stage" dies down, and someone realizes that maybe, after getting to know the other person more, that he or she is not who they have been looking for.
You have to remember that a relationship viewed as perfect from your end isn't always the same from his perspective. He may have seen some thing(s) that were wrong and couldn't tell you. But the complete reluctance to work things out kinda sounds like he found someone else. :/
He's too immature to be dating anyone if he can't figure out what he wants and can change his mind about someone he supposedly loves with apparently no reason at all.
I don't know. It sounds hard, but unless you're a mind reader, if they won't tell you what happened, then you may never know. And in this kind of situation, it might be okay not to know. I don't know about you, but I know if that happened to me, it would hurt equally whether I knew what had happened, or not.
"No fights, total understanding, fun and love ..."
Maybe that's the problem. You thought it was "perfect," but it's unlikely he shared your perspective. He might have thought it was boring or a plethora of other things-- anything but perfect. You might think there was "total understanding", but it hardly seems like it, since you couldn't/can't see and understand the reason(s) he broke up with you. You're right, total understand is the best thing that could happen in a relationship, but it doesn't look like you guys had it judging by how things turned out and how confused it left you. You two are probably quite different on the inside or in some other ways-- which you could not detect, but which he probably felt acutely.
And, as someone has already said, he might have found someone else, too.
@TruthNeverTold@xanga - Yeah I think my last ex thought we had great times together when honestly I was nearing being bored out of my mind sometimes...and it was hella awkward.
Funny thing is the day I decided to break up with him he technically broke up with me because he thought I was too insecure for a couple reasons. If I had broken up with him, I would probably say something similar to what the OP's boyfriend said. It's not my style to tell a boy that I'm breaking up with him because he's not very interesting.
Maybe he found somebody else. It's very cruel and stupid on his part, but it's possible someone else caught his eye and he just went with it. Whatever the case, I'm sorry you're having to go through with this. You should at least have an explanation. :/
I agree that sucks hun. My advice is if it was an impulsive decision or one they later regret they will contact you again & try to work it out with you. If they don't do that then just accept it , because one day you will find happiness with someone else .
Oh gosh, I hate this.
My ex and I weren't perfect but we still got along fine and everything was going pretty well. One day after going through few problems he told me he really loved me and that he'd never want us to end. (Some realization thing) and that was really sweet! Less than 24 hours later he texts me (YUP, damn texters) saying he doesn't think I'm worth seeing anymore.
Talk about painful.
But don't worry cause it's situations like this that make you realize how HE doesn't seem worth seeing or thinking about. Since he couldn't pick up the phone to tell you. And even though it was perfect and such, you're going to find that again with someone else someday ;)
Maybe he was faking happiness before. I'm sorry about what happened though.
because he's immature and doesn't understand himself or what he wants at all
Ohh my god, I am SO sorry. The almost exact same thing happened to me. My guess is that he's pretty confused. At least in my case, my bf liked someone else for a while, and didn't know if he wanted to try being with her. I'd say give him what he wants. And he'll either realize that he needs you or he'll move on, and with the time that he's realizing this you'll have time to think it over too and think whether or not you want to be with someone who's hurt you so m uch. My bf texted too. It's what cowards too. He probably feels bad, my bf said that he didn't want to see me cry. But no I know and have learned that a relationship needs to be worked out. Give it time to think about it and try not to be too upset. If he comes back, thing long and hard about what you want to do. And if he doesn't, then he's too dumb to deserve you anyways.
maybe the guy was acting the way that you wanted him to act or something similar, and then he had enough of it and so he calls it off?? Just a guess.
Sorry, he sounds pretty immature to me. Maybe it wasn't so perfect after all, to him at least.
Well, first of all, how long was the relationship?
Second of all, he's a douche, so don't even bother missing him or any of that.
I think things happen, bad things, that none of us can understand, and then a few years later something good will happen and you realize that it wouldn't have happened if that bad thing wouldn't have happened. That happened with me, my SO of almost two years randomly dumped me over a phone call, toyed around with me for a bit more than finally just ignored me. I thought everything was perfect too; obviously we had our disagreement but no relationship is ever so perfect that there are no arguments. Anyway. I'm a loyal girlfriend who will try to make it work no matter what, so if he wouldn't have dumped me, I still might be with him...but I'm not. He dumped me and 5 months later I found the love of my life. I'm still with him. And now, my ex is still non-existent and ignores me and I don't hate him or wanna get revenge, all I want to say to him is thank you. Because if he hadn't dumped me years ago, I never would've hung out with my friend and never would've met the man who later became my everything.
I hope your story will have a similar ending. :]
http://www.typeinsights.com/blog/clarifying-type/excerpt-on-love/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed:+ThoughtsOnType+(Thoughts+on+Type)
There is much to be said for falling in love. Most of us can probably remember the first time we were in love, and what unexpected and powerful emotions were released. To have the experience of falling in love is to become open to matters of the heart in a wonderful way. It can be the prelude to a valuable expansion of personality and emotional life. It is also an important experience because it brings the sexes together and initiates relationship. Whether this leads to happy or unhappy consequences, life is kept moving in this way. Perhaps, especially with young people, falling in love is a natural and beautiful experience, and a life that has not known this experience is no doubt impoverished.
The fact is, however, the relationships founded exclusively on the being-in-love state can never last. Being in love is a matter for the gods, not for human beings, and when human beings try to claim the prerogative of the gods and live in a state of “in-loveness” (as differentiated from truly loving each other), there is a movement from the unconscious to break it up. A relationship of being in love simply does not last when put to the test of the reality of a true, human relationship; it can endure only in a fantasy world where the relationship is not tested in the everyday stress of real life. When they live together in everyday human conditions, “John and Mary” soon become real to each other as actual, imperfect human beings. The more real they are to each other as people, the less possible it is for the magical, fascinating images from the unconscious to remain projected on them. Soon the state of being in love fades away, and, worse yet, the same anima and animus who once fell in love with each other may now begin to quarrel. ….
The fact that the state of being in love cannot endure the stress of everyday life is not what we want to hear, at least not in present-day America, which depicts the state of being in love as the goal of the relationship between the sexes, and constantly dangles it in front of our eyes with advertisements on television. Human beings are not very keen on substituting reality for the allurement of fantasies. We prefer to go on looking for the perfect man or woman, that is, the man or woman who will fit our ideal image and guarantee that we are happy and fulfilled, even though it leads to disappointment after disappointment, and adds more and more bitterness to our cup of life.
It should now be clear that to the extent that a relationship is founded on projection, the element of human love is lacking. To be in love with someone we do not know as a person, but are attracted to because they reflect back to us the image of the god or goddess in our souls, is, in a sense to be in love with oneself, not with the other person. In spite of the seeming beauty of the love fantasies we may have in this state of being in love we can, in fact, be in a thoroughly selfish state of mind. Real love begins only when one person comes to know another for who he or she really is as a human being, and begins to like and care for that human being.
No human being can match the gods and goddesses in all their shimmer and glory and, at first, seeing the person whom we love for who she or he is, rather than in terms of projections, may seem uninteresting and disappointing, for human beings are, on the whole, rather an ordinary lot. Because of this, many people prefer to go from one person to another, always looking for the ultimate relationship, always leaving the relationship when the projections wear off and the in-loveness ends. It is obvious that with such shallow roots no real, permanent love can develop. To be capable of real love means becoming mature, with realistic expectations of the other person. It means accepting responsibility for our own happiness or unhappiness, and neither expecting the other person to make us happy nor blaming that person for our bad moods and frustrations. Naturally this makes real relationship a difficult matter, at which one must work, but fortunately the rewards are there too, for only in this way does our capacity for love mature.
-John Sanford, “The Invisible Partners”
Gah, were you dating my ex? Lol, he did the same thing with me, except we were together a year and a half, then all of sudden he's like, "Sorry, I don't love you anymore." The end. I thought he may have been seeing someone else, but it's been about 11 months and he still isn't dating anyone, so I don't know what the deal is. He's probably gay.
Anyway, I'm happily dating my new boyfriend of 6 months who is amazing, but I still sometimes worry the same thing is going to happen. :/ It kind of screwed with my head.
He didn't feel the spark. It was much too textbook. And these feelings were probably triggered by a) someone elses relationship that he felt was more passionate and exciting than his.
or b) someone who he felt he did have the spark with.
I think this mostly because of what you said about never fighting-- nobody wants drama but when there isn't any we start creating it in our heads.
Simple... There was someone else before he broke up with you, he was forced to make a choice, you got the bad end.
There are so many people out there, swear to yourself to leave your options open, always be honest, and never hang onto something like this for over 8 hours.
I have had that happen to me before. Apparently, he had a double life and *I* was the secret part. Usually that makes us pretty disposable. Don't fret, it's totally him all the way. Anyone who is capable of that has some sort of mental issue...