I believe that humanity as a whole is selfish underneath all acts of compassion.
Humans are essentially just civilized animals that can control their urges to varying extents. This being said, it can be assumed that each and every person has the innate trait of being selfish. Each of the seven deadly sins can be linked to selfishness. At this point, most would stop me and ask me if I believe those who have done great and ultimately sacrificial things are selfish. My answer would be yes.
I believe that each and every human being is selfish, what varies is the ability to contain this nasty quality and act differently. It is really just a measure of one's self control, the same as someone trying to resist weight gain by over indulging. The inborn characteristic drives us to do things to better ourselves and our lives. Even in seemingly selfless acts, we are feeding our own lust. In our modern world if you make a great sacrifice or donation, you are recognized and given fame for it. Aside from being seen as great, helping others gives us a sense of pleasure and fulfillment. Correct me if I am wrong, but most humans feel good about helping those less fortunate. The actions themselves are selfless, but the motivations and the results are selfish.
This being said, I do not believe it is necessarily a bad thing to be selfish. It is one of the best defenses one has for protection and also can help motivate someone to commit acts that will make a difference. Yet, if selfishness is our motivation, why do we love?
Love is essentially a handicap, preventing us from fully protecting our fragile hearts. When you love someone, you give them a part of you and hope they will not break it apart. Yet, so often it happens, we fall in love and then we get hurt. Do we selfishly crave the thrill of falling hard for someone, the mystery and the blind hope that things will work out? Do we throw ourselves at the wrong people because we selfishly think it is all about us? Do we break the hearts of others to lessen the chance that they will break ours? Do we break our own hearts for that reason?
I think in falling in love, we are able to experience such strong feelings that leave us breathless. Everything we feel is magnified, the happiness is so much greater and the hurt is so much more painful. We can feel alive and like we have a purpose. Love is like a drug, it alters reality. Sometimes it is like a bad trip, you want out as soon as possible. Sometimes it is amazing and you never want to come down. We fall in love to feel things for ourselves, thus love is a selfish thing, sometimes felt alone and sometimes mutually shared. Often times, people fall in love with someone who wants nothing to do with them, pushing themselves into their life. If you can fall in love with someone who does not want you to, thus putting a burden on them, how is it not selfish?
This is just my theory. I do not know much about love or life in general, but this is my perspective. I am a human being, I am selfish and even though I hate to admit it, I love.Do you agree that selfishness is an inborn trait that has a large impact on humanity?
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Comments (126)
everybody is selfish, but not everything we do is because of it.
and, hell, even if that is the case, it doesn't even matter. If everyone does it, it kind of makes to neutral. : /
It's really just celebrities that get huge amounts of recognition for acts of generosity and kindness. It happens more frequently than you'd think. But you're right, people feel good about helping other people.
There are two different definitions of selfish. One being 'simply placing your needs before others', and the other being 'seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.'
The "without regard for others" is what separates.
Of course humans put themselves first. You are the only person you can control, yours are the only thoughts you can hear..We are designed to put ourselves first.
I think that people fall in love because you feel like a better person with the one you love in your life. Does that sound like "without regard for others?" No, others greatly benefit from you being a better person. So, in conclusion, I think that yes, love is selfish, but you just have to decide which kind of selfish it is.
i completely agree... couldn't have said it better myself!
Yeah, I'm pretty selfish. :/
Ahh yes... always about the definition of 'love'.
Personally, I always thought that 'love' was just nature's trick to get you to reproduce.
I love the Colts. Some may say it's selfish that I want the Jets to collectively explode.
I don't mind being selfish in some ways, and I don't mind that other people are in some ways either. But love isn't selfish; love is just an emotion with its own characteristics. Selfishness is something entirely different that can sometimes be a bi-product when under the influence of love.
I dont look at it that way, not realy !!
it's something compeletly different than selifshness it about the need our both of u love is about giving and taking so its not selfish ..
I feel like relationships are in fact inherently selfish. I mean, I get into a relationship with a girl because it makes ME happy. I don't get in to make HER happy. While yes, a relationship that gets far enough will demand certain vulnerability, but ultimately the paybacks are that much better. You give so you can get. If it makes me intensely happy that a relationship exists, I will give anything to keep it going.
hrmm maybe my mind is really simplifying it. so I may be wrong
I wouldn't say selfish; of course, having brains and a need to survive and thrive, we have self interests which is different from being selfish... you know?
in self interests, we do things in order to help and further ourselves. but in love, you're not just loving for you; you're loving another person and you're contributing to their well-being, not only your own. that being said, there is a part of that love where most people generally expect or hope for reciprocity... but without reciprocity, I don't think there is love, because it is not one-sided (otherwise I guess it would be infatuation?)
again, I don't think that's selfish... it is simply a self interest and if someone does not meet your interest, you move on.
I can't decide if that is selfish or not? I also can't decide if self interests and being selfish are the same thing.
this is an interesting post, lol. made me think...
I don't think it's always selfish. Of course a lot of times it is, but it all depends on the people I guess. Or maybe balance. My ex-boyfriend was extremely selfish, while I was actually really selfless, and we both loved each other a lot. Of course he is an ex...
"I think in falling in love, we are able to experience such strong feelings that leave us breathless. Everything we feel is magnified, the happiness is so much greater and the hurt is so much more painful. We can feel alive and like we have a purpose. Love is like a drug, it alters reality. Sometimes it is like a bad trip, you want out as soon as possible. Sometimes it is amazing and you never want to come down. We fall in love to feel things for ourselves, thus love is a selfish thing, sometimes felt alone and sometimes mutually shared."
I don't think what you describe is love. I think it's a concoction of infatuation and self-indulgence among other things. Granted, it's a popular conception of 'love', but I differentiate between that and the genuine article.
I suppose if you only see it in biological terms, love is an anomalous 'handicap'. However, if love is a transcendent thing, from God himself (1 John 3:16 & 4:8), rather than the fuzzy feeling we get when we fall for someone, then it's not subject to our selfishness, and indeed, I believe it has motivated people to truly selfless acts. I believe love is what happens when your own comfort becomes irrelevant, and your regard for personal wellbeing is trumped by your desire to bless others (Phillipians 2:4)- that's a rare miracle, but it's one i've witnessed, and I don't believe our selfishness is the inevitable victor.
Regardless of the disclaimer in your first paragraph, check out Maximillian Kolbe (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maximilian_Kolbe)- a priest who gladly took the place of another man sentenced to death in Auschwitz. Do you really believe a selfish desire for acclaim, or that 'feeling', would outweigh the selfish desire to stay alive? If love is a drug, then here's a parallel- I doubt that a heroine addict would shoot up if they knew in advance that it would be the needle that killed them.
There are countless others like Kolbe- I've met an orphan who, now in his 70s, has given the last 20 years of his life (24/7) often working dawn-to-midnight, in expanding an orphanage for street children in an obscure Indian town (with little recognition)- he does so joyfully. Selfishness doesn't yield such results; perhaps a 2-week photo-opportunity painting walls in a slum, but not that. Something else is at work, which is more powerful than selfishness.
Infatuation and lust is selfish, but real love isn't. Real love is the opposite of being selfish. The only selfish thing about wanting to have love is wanting the warm fuzzies to go with it, but love =/= feelings.
Meh I don't like discussing these things with people who aren't educated in research behind decision-making and why people are moral.
@greenglow28@xanga - I agree with your answer :)
I don't agree.
Love is not selfish, it is a human emotion that is felt naturally.
If people are animals able to control themselves, can't someone who has fallen in love with someone uninterested control it and move along? Yes they can, therefore making it unselfish.
People mutually in love just want to spend time together and feel compassion from each other, enjoy each other's time, so how is this selfish? By loving someone who loves you back, it accentuates one's selflessness by doing everything to make this other person happy.
A lot of people actually sacrifice a lot for themselves in order to make someone they love happier.
@TheRealMelanie@xanga - also, love should come naturally, not because you want someone in your life. If you make yourself "fall in love" it may then become a selfish act, or maybe just naive. True and genuine love is something that is built and eventually realized BECAUSE you've been having this person in your life and both of you enjoy it.
I, as usual when this topic comes up, am going to encourage you to read Dawkins' The Selfish Gene.
Also, I don't think humans are "essentially just civilized animals that can control their urges to varying extents." I think we are animals who have learned that controlling various urges most of the time actually nets us a greater gain overall. If enough people get together and all pretend to act selfless and share food and shelter and so on and so forth, we end up all getting more out of it. The urges aren't controlled, just redirected to the long term.
I believe people are always selfish too, but it doesn't mean we don't feel compassion. Don't you feel sad when you watch sad movies or read sad books or hear about sad news? Selfish acts don't always have to be bad. Being selfish can help other people too.
I believe that I am selfish even because I enjoy wanting the best for other people and to see them happy, but I think my ability to help someone and make them happy because I want them to be hardly makes my selfishness a negative thing.
I can agree with love being selfish to a point. People want love to be happy, and that is selfish. People want love to have someone giving them affection and joy. That is selfish. But there is more to it then that. There is a part of love that makes you want nothing more than to see the other person happy, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness. There is a part that makes you want to do anything and everything you can to keep that person happy and smiling. There is a part of you that wants to give that person your all and give them all of your heart and show them that you truly love them and that your truly there for them. There's a part that just makes you want to show them the most happiness and joy you can and do everything you can for them. I will admit. I am so in love, it's not even funny. And I don't care that some people think that 16 year-olds can't tell what true love is, but I can. My SO is so amazing to me. He's sweet, and he's caring, and I love him with all my heart. He is the reason I wake up every morning. He is the first thing on my mind in the morning, and the last thing on my mind at night. I live and breath for him. Yes, I love the fact that every time I talk to him my heart beats with joy and I can't help but smile. I love the joy and happiness he brings me. And that is selfish. But I also want nothing more than to show him just how much I love him. I want nothing more than to show him how much he means to me, and how much I care for him, and how bad it would hurt if I ever lost him. So yes, in a sense, love is a very selfish thing. But in a sense, it's a very selfless thing.
someone's a cynic.....
Perhaps you mean affection and not love itself. Love is not selfish, it is self-less.
Yes humans are selfish. While it may protect us in some cases, in the big pictures, it's not a good thing and it shouldn't be cultivated or used as a skill.
I say do whatever it takes, no matter who you hurt in the way, to make yourself happy.
We're born alone, we die alone.
It's not selfish at all, you'll always have yourself.
That is all.
YES. this is totally what I said in a Theory of Knowledge class.
duh.