Sunday, 24 January 2010
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I Don't Want To Be Jealous, But....
I didn't want to be jealous. But at that moment - when I saw his hand on her thigh, my heart skipped a beat.
I didn't want to be jealous. It wasn't right. Don't I have a boyfriend after all? Don't I love my boyfriend? Then why should I still care about this guy that never cared about me? Not in that way anyway.
Let's call him B. I still remember the first time my eyes fell on him. It was three years ago in the winter that I walked into class and saw his smiling face across the room. The guy sitting beside him looked strikingly similar to him (of course, they're twins) but it was B that stood out to me. Since then, I had this intense attraction to B.
A couple weeks into the class, we got to talking one day when he held the door for me. We walked together until we had to part for our next class. B had me laughing almost the whole way. As we started talking more, he was seemingly perfect - funny, cute, and smart. This was the kind of guy I wanted.
Of course we never made it past friends. An invite to a movie was rejected and so was an invite to a night of dancing. As much as he gave me butterflies, it was obvious that I didn't give him any and so I decided not to pursue it much further.
We never even became close friends. We're the kind that would stop and chat when we run into each other on campus, but not the kind that would call each other up to hang out. But I have to admit - every once in a while, I would give up whatever I needed to be doing to stay and chat with him when we did run into each other.
Anyway, fast forward to now.
I have a class with B right now - a class I also have with my boyfriend. They've met and my boyfriend knows I used to have a thing for B. Used to being the key.
But the other morning, when I saw B put his hand on the girl next to him, when I saw him lean over and whisper in her ear, when I saw her rest her head on his shoulder, I felt just a little jealous and it definitely surprised me. That was the day I met his girlfriend.
I love my boyfriend, he makes me so happy. And even if B did like me right now, I would definitely choose my boyfriend over him. Yes I did have a thing for B and he is a great guy, but I can't picture us in a long term relationship.
So why was I jealous of B's girlfriend? Do I still have feelings for him? Or could this just be physical? I mean, he is definitely hot afterall...
Have you felt an attraction to someone else while you're in a relationship? What did you do about it?
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Comments (29)
well idk about you, but i hate losing, no matter the circumstance. (yes, i'm a huge sore loser. xD) in that situation i'd feel like i lost to that girl, that i was somehow inferior to her. thus jealousy reigns.
When I see someone getting the person I wanted to be with I feel inadequate so yea jealousy does strike me at those moments. Like @XoAsianBabioX@xanga said.
Sometimes you can't help being attracted to someone. It can be inexplicable and intense and irrational... you just have to remind yourself - you have a boyfriend, you love him, you're happy with him, and leave it at that.
Fight back the jealously monster! The only one it's hurting is you, and potentially your boyfriend if he were to find out about it.
the comment above is exactly true for me as well! I hate losing. I hate the fact that someone else got what I wanted, and that he chose her. Makes you think- what does she have that I dont? It's definitely a moment to check yourself though. It's an insecure thing to be doing or thinking, but I think it's only natural. Thing is, if the dude is happy, then move on. PLUS, hello?! You've got your own awesome bf now! haha.. but yeah, I've been in the same situation a few times. and I used to think I wasnt a jealous person...... ha
Wow, a bunch of other comments came up while I was writing mine! haha, I was referring to AsianBabio's comment. but everyone else has it right too! KICK THAT EVIL JEALOUSY MONSTER'S ASS!! :P
It's totally okay to feel like that towards someone other than your bf. Actually, if you want you relationship to last long term, it WILL happen. People will develop feelings for a lot of people. It's okay to feel jealous. The trick is not doing anything about it. It will pass.
Of course I've been attracted to someone else while in a relationship - you don't stop being human and having urges just because you're tied down. Actually, I often have urges while tied down, but that's a whole other story.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
she did something you couldnt do in 2 years
I'm in almost the same situation right now, actually. You gotta keep telling yourself that you don't like him like that, and that you're happy with your boyfriend. Constantly reassuring yourself is key.
perhaps you aren't jealous because he is unobtainable, rather, you are upset because you have been rejected. although you dont love him, it is painful to see the woman in the spot you yearned for. you probably feel like you've been replaced. then again, im not you. but thats just my two cents.
Maybe you don't necessarily want to be with him, at least not on a rational level, but emotions are anything but rational sometimes. You never actually got to see what being with B would be like, and you wanted to, and then seeing him give another girl what you wanted from him stirred up old feelings.
I think our emotional experiences leave permanent marks on us, and even if the original emotions are no longer there, the marks still are. I've felt a twinge of jealousy after finding out my high school crushes married other people or were dating other people, even if I know, both logically and emotionally, that I don't want to be with them. It doesn't last long, but there's always a hint of a letdown when I find out. It's not that I'm emotionally stuck in high school or that I never got over the rejections I had then, just that memories have a funny way of popping up. Even if you don't want him now, you did then, and it was never resolved, so when you see him with someone else, the memory of how you felt before decides to show itself in your mind.
That sounds like a natural reaction to me. Just remind yourself that you have a great boyfriend who loves you, which is much better than chasing after a "maybe".
Like Fnee@xanga said, attraction to another person, especially if he's a good guy and physically attractive, while you're in a relationship happens and it's ok. And because of that attraction, there's a tinge of jealousy. As long as you don't act upon it, it's fine.
its normal. its human nature to feel possessive over guys we are attracted too.... especially ones whom we used to have a crush on.
dont worry about it......
jealous girls really freak me out...
it's okay, i've felt what you've felt before. that's just because you somehow can't get over him because there's this feeling of enstrangement between the two of you. both of you didn't even got close. perhaps that's why when you saw him and his gf, you were a little surprised and got a lil jealous there. it's fine girl! get used to it, but remember that you're attached. feeling that way would be a little unfair towards your current bf.
for now, just love him with your heart (:
I bet in some time you will totally be over him and laugh about how you used to feel. Trust me, I have been through it way too many times.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - agree
3 years? It has been a 3 year crush? Are you kidding? So you are telling us on Xanga, that your mind cares more for unrequited love than the actual thing. Fantastic. To honest you need to check yourself, it is a slippery slope when dealing with these things, but be certain of how you would feel if you boy felt that for some girl?
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - that totally makes sense, and I can definitely relate that to myself.
what everyone else said feeling like you "lost" doesn't sit well with anybody. and sometimes it's not even about that....
i once broke up with a guy after dating for years (he wanted to marry me, but i said no!!!) because i just knew he wasn't for me, even though i thought he was a stellar guy. the first time i saw pictures of him and his new girlfriend together (about a year later), i felt a familiar and uncomfortable burning sensation in my stomach that means jealousy for me. I DIDN'T EVEN WANT HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! but in my mind he was still "mine", so it was hard. it's been almost five years now, and up until i found the guy i'm currently with it was still hard to think about my ex with this new girl.
don't read anything into it. it just happens. you love your boyfriend.
I have the same exact problem. I am so incredibly happy with my boyfriend, but somehow seeing 'the other guy I used to have a thing for' with his girlfriend makes me jealous that he didn't like me the way he liked her when I liked him.
That was a tongue twister...hahaha. Regardless, I'm learning to let it go. Just give it time.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - agreed.
if i'm in a relationship, i try very hard to not loose my step in my relationship even if sometimes you may think it's greener on the other side.