Saturday, 23 January 2010
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Buttsecks?
I will admit that I was raised in a conservative, catholic, republican household. However, I would consider myself a rather liberal person now, open to new ideas and experiences, and whatnot. One thing that I simply cannot be open to is the idea of anal sex.
My boyfriend is a fan, and has been trying to persuade me to try it for the last few months, but I simply cannot wrap my head around it. I've researched it, and while I'm aware that it's supposed to be an "intense, new sensation unable to be felt during regular intercourse", I don't like it. I just don't.
Now don't get me wrong, it's not something that I'm hating without even trying. We've tried it, using different objects, lubes, and positions to find out if any are more pleasurable to me, but it's been months now, and nothing's working. It just makes me feel "ew" when we try it, and though I know I'm heading into it with a negative attitude, I just can't seem to get over my dislike of it. But I know my boyfriend would like it, and while he would never pressure me to do something I don't enjoy, I also want to make him feel good.So does anyone have any suggestions on ways I can try to like it? Or how to enjoy it more? Or has anyone else had a negative view of something sexual, but when they tried it actually ended up enjoying it?
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About the Author
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- From: astrellia
- Name: Rachel
- About Me: i'm a 20 year old college student in the midwest. i plan on moving to chicago when I graduate and getting my msw. in the meantime, i'm in love with my bed, my friends, cheez-its, and my boyfriend, but not in exactly that order :)
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Comments (112)
It's not for everyone. If you don't like it nothing is going to make you. Your boyfriend is just going to have to deal with vaginal.
I right there with ya, what I dont get tho, is how to make the boy get over it once your decision if final.
Uhm. I think the best way to go about it is by using toys with lube on your own time, away from his watching eyes. This way you can go at your own pace and decide on starting size(s) and so forth. Explore yourself, see if you can get yourself to enjoy it. It might take mental preparation before you can get as open to it as possible for you.
If you can't enjoy it at all yourself, maybe just save it for special occasions or nix the idea if it is that repulsive to you. It's not for everyone. He seems like he'll understand.
hmmm i was also repulsed by the idea of it until i tried it. like regular sex it can be painful the first time and u have to be big on foreplay before he tries to penetrate you... when i realized he loved it that much it made me want to do it more and slowly my repulsed mentality disappeared.. i was determined to get my body used to it because i knew how much he liked it. once your body gets used to it you will learn to relax and enjoy it. doing it in the shower and lubing with soapy water helps.. doggy or missionary are both positions to try and see which one you're comfy in.. its different for each person.. some find it more comfortable one way than another.. you should get some anal toys to make it more interesting.
Is it just that you don't like the idea of it, or the sensation? Because if it doesn't feel good (in the physical sense) then don't force yourself to do it. It will never be fun that way, and you'll just end up feeling resentment towards your partner in the long run.
If it's mental, it would be helpful to explore why you dislike the idea of it so much. If you know the reason that you feel a certain way, it's much easier to decide to either let it go or keep it as a valid feeling.
Bottom line: don't force yourself to do anything you really don't enjoy. It's not worth it for you or your partner.
ever try both at once? Might be a better way to ease into it.
I agree its not fun and i understand not liking it ..it literally makes me sick in the stomach when me and my bf try..I pretty much just gave up i've tried to figure out so many different things to try and like you nothing works..i hate to say it but either your bf is just gonna have to deal without anal or..no offense you just might have to put up with not liking it and do it anyways if your really that serious about making your boyfriend happy..but either way its not for everyone and not everyone will do it or like to do it your boy has to give you the benefit of the doubt, you at least tried some girls wont even do that.
i'm not a fan of it either. it makes me very uncomfortable and since i'm so vocal, i just tell him that i'm not comfortable and if he respects me then we move on but if he doesn't then the sex ends there and so does the relationship or whatever it may be.
I've done it plenty times with my current boyfriend. It will hurt the first couple of times and the best way to help the pain is to have him "warm you up" before yall start the actual thing. Meaning for him to go in one finger at a time and kinda stretch it out a wee bit, but slowly, so when he actually goes in for the first time it wont be as painful. it does feel good. and the more often you do it, the better it'll feel. i deff recommend you trying.
if you don't like butt sex, you don't like butt sex.
It sounds like you've given it a really fair shot but it's just not your thing. And that's okay!
I know from experience it just isn't my thing. It didn't hurt but the sensation of taking a dump in bed really ruins the entire mood for me! Everyone has something they like best in bed and something they like the least, and it is OK to not like something.
why is butt sex such a pasttime? doesn't it feel like pooping, oppositely? his dick is one big poop trying to get back in your anus. why doesn't anyone else see it that way? LOL. oh and it's an anus... isn't that dick gona dirty with poop? *vomits* sorry guys, i'm uneducated & innocent O
hahahahahh
tell him you have a bad case of the shits and he'll stfu aboot it
ehhh.... not for me! i'm open to trying new things on most occasions, but thats just not natural (in my mind) i mean, thats where poop comes OUT, not where a penis should go IN!
but to each your own.
Tried it a few times. It's painful and I hated it. If a guy ever wants to do anal with me, I'll just go tell him to find a boyfriend. ;)
I had the same exact problem you did actually. I hated the thought of it completely. My boyfriend also had never done it, but he wanted to so bad. I love him so that made me want to persue this act of sex. We started out with lube and what not . Anywho, so now we do every now and then when I am in the mood. That takes alot to get in the mood, but I love him so that helps. Getting drunk helps too.
Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.
@kidzandK9z@xanga - You shouldn't have to make anyone "get over it". A good partner realizes that there are PLENTY of ways to please and be pleased, even if one little thing is out of the question. <3
I think it's like other types of non-vaginal sex. You have to be in the mood for it and it could take some serious working up to get into it. I would try some toys first to see if it's something that you like or not. I don't think it's for everyone.
@violetxsky3@xanga - Lmao, I used to think of it like that.
You don't HAVE to like it. If your boyfriend can't accept it, ask him how he would feel with a dick up his butt. That should get the message across.
try getting fingered with one finger and when thats pleasurable get fingered with 2 fingers then u should be ready for anal
I'm open to a lot of things when it comes to sex, just not the anal part. I have digestive problems, and it's not even that moist back there...just imagine the feeling. Plus I remembered having my immunization taken in my end with a capsule. So uncomfortable.
@dlmcniel@xanga - Hahaha... it worked for me
my question is: what makes these men want to have anal so BADLY?!?!?!?! what is their obsession with putting their DICK up some girls ANUS.
boys...do you not fully comprehend that YES GIRLS DO SHIT. And when we shit...it comes out of that hole.
and I think we should also let you men know...that we dont shit out rainbows and fairies...we shit out the same brown stinky disgusting fecal matter that comes out of your ASS!
do you really want your penis...in an environment like that??
what is wrong with you men?? seriouslyyyyy
if you dont like, then you dont like it....dont force yourself. If HE loves you and cares enough abt your pleasure then he will just deal with it and MOVE THE FUCK ON.
if he really feels the need to dump you because you are not willing to just let him do you in the ass anyway...then fuck him. You deserve someone better. period.
I swear sometimes people are so stupid.