Saturday, 23 January 2010
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Shhhhhh...
Should you tell your friend their mate is playing them or cheating on them? Well I always thought the answer to this was a simple one. Yes, of course! If it were me I'd want to know! The friend will respect your honesty and value your friendship. The friend will always know that you have their back no matter what. Then I found myself in the same situation and things didn't quite go how I thought they would.
I actually read an article about this a few months ago where different women shared their stories about finding out their friend's man or husband was cheating on them and in each story the friendship ended soon thereafter. (If I can ever find the article I will post it) I know there is a strong urge to "stand by your man" because for some women they feel they don't deserve better, like the perks of being in the relationship, or may have too much time invested in it. On one hand if you are a middle aged mother of two and married I can see how you might not want to just "give up" on the relationship. I can't say I will be as understanding if I were in the relationship but I do get it. But dating someone for a few months, a year, or/and you're in your twenties...I just don't get it. On to the next one, Men come a dime a dozen, there are plenty of fish in the sea, men are like buses...yadda yadda. But anyway...
One big lesson I learned was to KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT and mind my business. If you know for a fact someone is playing your friend and you value that friendship, unless that's your ACE keep you mouth closed. In the end the man will more often than not win. It's sad but that's the reality of it. In the article I read the three women who had to be the bearer of bad news ended up losing their friends for being too good of a friend. They were seen as a threat to their happiness and therefore must go. As for the three women in the bad relationship...In the end, after years of heartache and no shoulder to cry on, none of those relationships worked.
Sometimes I do struggle between doing the right thing or looking out for myself. Personally I don't care what you do with your life. You can sit there and have a stripper from Guatemala give you lip injections and a full back tattoo of a cow with fire and a needle. It wouldn't be the decision I would personally make but I'm still gonna try my best to look out for you no matter what. If you feel that my "proof" isn't sufficient enough because he was able to sweet talk his way through it and you think well maybe she misunderstood so be it. I'm still going to be your friend because it's your life. I said my peace, you made your decision, let's move on. If or when he breaks your heart I will be there for you. If you decide to elope with the loser, I will send you a congratulations card. But it's a shame to dismiss a good-hearted friend, who probably had a hard time telling you in the first place, for a shady guy.
More likely than not you will be in a situation like this, whether you are the "snitch" or the "girlfriend." If you are the girlfriend try not to KILL THE MESSENGER. Try to understand how hard it might have been for a friend to tell you that the one you care about is playing you. Even if you decide to work it out with him just realize that in the end a true friend is going to be there, right or wrong. If you are the one who has to break the bad news remember this: If you truly value your friendship then KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! (Unless she's like fam)What's done in the dark always comes to light anyway. It may take a little longer but so be it.
Would you tell your friend?
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Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 1446 Comments: 0 41 View all posts by MsSouthernHospitality@xanga
Comments (41)
I would tell my friend, and I would want my friend to tell me. Yes, it'll hurt, but I'd rather be hurt than be in the dark about it, and I should have the kind of friends that understand I'm not going to say something simply to cause problems.
i have no shame id tell in a heartbeat, BUT only if i didnt know the guy. if i knew them both id let her find out on her own cuz ive seen the demolish of a friendship over such things.
Confront their mate and tell them if they don't fess up themselves, you will. This is only if it is completely obvious that they are cheating.
I would tell my friend. I don't like lying, and if I knew, I feel it would be wrong for me to keep my mouth shut.
Not everything is what it seems. There are always two sides to a story.
Knowing how my parents argue to gain sides, I would stay out of the situation. Only give my opinion when asked or when there are flaws of perception.
If I'm talking to my friend, I'd advise her to do what's best for herself. When she discusses her possbily cheating partner, I would try to give unbiased opinion of my POV though I am on her side.
Note on Tiger Woods: He doesn't seem like the unfaithful type to me based on his personality. Then again, I don't know him that well. Either way, I'm not quick to attack his personal choices til I get the facts unless he blatantly boasts about his infidelities, I would reserve judgement.
I would tell. i would feel horribly guilty if i knew my friend's so did anything to sucessfully hurt their partner, important friend, ex, whatever their status is. i'm 100% against cheating.
I'd tell.
Yeah well I know both the guy and the girl and I told this friend who seemed to appreciate it at the time. But then phone calls and texts started to get ignored, he started avoiding me, but they are still together. He didn't change his ways I know that. So now I just have to keep my mouth shut. I mean I tried to warn her, she didn't listen, so that's that. I have no problem with either one but apparently NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED!
If it were me then tell me I say. I rather know all the facts about my man and if I decide to give him another shot then I'd like to have my friend in my corner just in case. THanks for the comments ya'll!
I would tell!! I wish I had a friend tell me my ex was seeing somone esle when I was out of town.
People who cheat are selfish and disgusting!! I have more respect for a prostitute! lol ok maybe im still a little bitter.
@MsSouthernHospitality@xanga - Wow; if you would give him another chance, your loyal!!! I respect that!
@Parsimony@xanga - As far as Tiger Woods goes, in light of his current situation I just found the picture to be funny and appropriate. Not his particular situation, just the picture lol.
@monke_man and @methodElevated@xanga - - I'm also 100% against cheating and playing games which is why I thought I'd let it be known. If anything were to come out and I wasn't the one to say something first, then I'd look guilty. I couldn't have it on my conscience.
@diannisforever@xanga - Yeah that's where I made my mistake I guess. I knew BOTH people but she was my friend and who my loyalty was too. But I was apprehensive about telling her and should've followed my gut. They are still cool and nothing has changed except that fact that now everything I know will be kept to myself.
@unabridgedtales@xanga - Exactly. My friends know that if I say something then I'm doing it to look out for you, not to start drama. And if it were me I don't care how long my man and I have been together. Let me know and then respect what decision I make as far as my relationship goes.
@warriorpoet1@xanga - lol naw I wouldn't give him another chance (i'm a little too young to waste time with a cheater when I'm such an AWESOME girlfriend) but I understand that not all females are like me. If I tell you that you're man it cheating, and you feel that for whatever reason you want to stay with him, I will respect that. I may not understand it but ultimately that's your life, your relationship, and your decision. As long as you know then all I can do is continue being your friend.
@warriorpoet1@xanga - Dang sorry to hear about your ex. But I'm glad to here that he IS you EX. Yeah I always want a friend in my corner who is gonna look out for me and let me know something even if it would hurt me. And it's okay if you're a little bitter lol. I understand lol.
Still, yes.
@MsSouthernHospitality@xanga - she is my ex. im a dude lol
@warriorpoet1@xanga - Oh haha my mistake. Now I know! lol
lol men are like buses... if you get on and off them enough you begin to smell like them XD ah good times...
Depending on how close I am to the person I would tell him or her about their significant others infidelity.
@lenybobsyouruncle@xanga - lol you're funny.
@gweirdo@xanga - True. Yeah we weren't BEST friends but we were cool enough that it was bothering me. Plus I didn't think their relationship was that serious for it to be a problem. But I was wrong apparently. So like I said unless I'm REALLY close with you I will keep my mouth shut.
@MsSouthernHospitality@xanga - are you a ludacris fan. i love your username =)
@gweirdo@xanga - Thank you. I do like Luda and I'm also from the south (NC). So it works for both!
@MsSouthernHospitality@xanga - hah. awesome !!
i would prefer my friends tell, and i would tell them. (at least my closest ones). i had a similar situation, where i found out my best friend's bf was ... not really as "serious" as she was, almost a year in ... and i told her about it. she was glad i told her; they didnt break up then, but they didn't last long after.
@Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga - and also we are still close friends.
ahh the same thing happened to me too. I've been called the good friend who was honest and also the bitch who was jealous and broke up that couple. Even though the only thing I did was to speak up and tell my friend what I saw with my own eyes. So obviously one of them is still my friend and the other is not but she did eventually figured out her BF was a cheating whore.