After the
"Oh no you didn't" post, my girlfriend saw the comments and was a little horrified that a good number of females told her to dump her boyfriend because of that incident.
Let me explain: In her twenties, she pretty much dated and broke up with guys for stupid things. He wasn't a gentlemen; i.e., didn't hold the door for her or he had no table manners. He was too old; i.e., didn't have anything in common, different ways of living. He wasn't tentative or considerate enough; i.e., didn't call to talk every night, didn't call back when he said he would. Now that she's in her 30's, she realizes it was because she was too picky and didn't bother to get over the small things which led her to still being single at 35. And to make things worst, she's now competing with 20-year-old's for a potential mate. That's why she's horrified by some of the comments telling her to leave him.
It did remind me of my last run in the dating scene where I was single again after a long relationship and also older. What I saw that was left of the available male bachelors was not exactly as appealing as it use to be. Like a good sample sale, all the good ones were already taken and what was left in the bin looked like it's been around the city block a few miles over. Sure, some were still good after you fix them up, but some...I'm at a lost of word and you realize why it's still available in the bin.
For example; I was set up by my friend on a date with her "Geeky" friend. I didn't mind the geeky part because some geeks can be adorable and endearing. What I did mind was the fact that he kept trying to play Jedi mind tricks on me to take off my top on our first date. The first time he said it, I laughed and thought, okay... a star wars geek. I have guy friends like him, I get the joke, he thinks it's cute and probably wants me to dress up as princess Leia. But after the 10th time of him waving his fingers at me and me downing 3 lychee martinis, I wanted to tell him "Listen Asshole, you're not a Jedi and if you wave those fingers at me again, you're going to find them up your butt". Sure, as you're reading this, you're probably thinking I'm so mean and such a bitch but hey, at least I didn't do it. I just ended the night with a headache excuse.
Anyway, back to the point. Yes, understandably it was a shitty thing he did and she was upset by it, but to break up with the guy because of breaking wind? Are girls too quick to jump ship? Is that why there are so many single ladies out there?
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Comments (28)
I personally think EVERYONE is too quick to get out of relationships, seems to me if there's something not completely perfect about their SO, everyone starts doubting who they're with and what they have/want.
I wouldn't say that's why there are so many single people though. But it could be.
"Are girls too quick to jump ship?"
YES, they are. Most of us could use being a little more accepting. I learned that lesson the hard way. You don't want to break up with someone and then, some time down the road, realize that the "con" that you let overshadow a trove of really great "pros" about a person was not that significant after all.
I would be lucky to do myself the favor of being single in my 30s. I have noticed all the men my age dating 16 year olds (which makes me want to vomit) but I'll always have a vibrator and dogs make better conversationalists.
@emptypersonas@xanga - You just described me!!! =( I been having that "issue" for the past 5-6 months over every lil' disagreement or difference. Sucks actually...
@PetiteNSweet87@xanga - I bet it does.
Some women are like that. And there are some women are single because they don't think they deserve anyone who they're attracted to.
@Salivarysatisfaction - unfortunately true. though i hope some of our ideas are a bit better articulated. if only occasionally.
"We come to love by not finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
Sometimes, the imperfections lead to adventure in the relationship and brings a couple closer together.
if he has an explosive temper, I'm not staying around. when I was in my teens, I was attracted to older men. I'm in my 20's now and still attracted to older men. men age like wine but for women, it isn't the same. I think old women are not as in demand as older men. small things add up and soon the person just becomes very annoying with all the small annoying habits added up. I don't think she was too picky. not being tentative and considerate is something that I don't like either. if he doesn't really care, why be in a relationship.
@lenybobsyouruncle@xanga - I really only go on this website when I've been drinking.
Its cause we're all extremely picky and we think when we imagine mr. right it is synonymous with mr. perfect.....this is not the case.
I for one believe that no woman should ever settle....which by age 30 you're doing. Because like you said, you're older, and that clock is ticking!!! you get desperate to just settle down and start a family like a normal woman should.
we all deserve the best. But we must also keep in mind that everyone has imperfections. NO matter who you date theyre going to have some quirk about them that is not attractive but you should learn to look past that and appreciate them for the good qualities they do have.
But on the other hand if they have more bad qualities than good. well yeah he needs to go.you want someone who will bring the best out of you and who will be a good partner to accomplish things with...
I think I am guilty of jumping ship to quickly but I am also very young. I have that luxury to be picky.....in a couple yrs ill be whistling a diff tune for sure. I need to learn to not be so picky.
@Salivarysatisfaction - good to know.... allong time ago, way back in history, when all there was to drink was nothing but cups of tea, allong came a man by the name of charlie mops, and he invented a wonderful drink and he made it out of hops.
he must have been an admiral a sultan or a king, and to his praise we shall always sing. look what he has done for us, he's filled us up with cheer, lord bless charlie mops the man who invented beer
beer beertiddily beer beer beerthe lord bless charlie mops :P
If you're looking for the perfect person for a relationship, it reflects how lazy you are in relationships. Relationships take effort from the initial interactions through to the development or commitment of the relationship. I know people adhere to certain traits for attraction and compatibility but how does it reflect on you if you need a perfect or ideal person to have a perfect relationship?
I understand and accept that a womans options are always open, more so then men. But if they dont like something about someone i think they should be given a chance to correct it before cutting ties.
LOL i only jump ship when i have a chance like after a first date or when a guy that wants to date me right before theres a glimmer of hope. ppl say im too picky but i pick up on if its gunna work or not before everyone else will so i spare myself and the guy the misery
Pickiness is relative to the amount of choices you have.
Personally I do think I have high standards for the person I invest my time in a relationship with. But while I am in the relationship, the only reason my relationship broke apart is because one of us lost feelings. I dont think there is anything around that and is a pretty sufficient reason to jump ship.
Why stick around with someone you don't want and waste both of your time? Stupid superficial flaws are one thing, but if you're getting a bad vibe then trust your instincts. They're usually right.
If you break up with someone over stupid insignificant reasons, than so be it. You're not worth it.
I think lots of people are too quick to "jump ship," regardless of gender.
However I find myself to more often suffer from the opposite problem, sticking around even after multiple issues that clearly show the relationship isn't going to last. Either way, it all sucks. Being single over nit-picky little things is a miserable way to be, and so is toughing it out even when it escalates to things you really just can't deal with.Guys can be to...I ditched a lot of girls in my early 20s for stupid reasons. I regret it now! I broke hearts but never had mine broken till my last girlfriend who said she didn't know if she wanted to be with me after telling me a week before I was everything she ever wanted in a man and never thought she would have. Her reasons were picky. So I did the typical guy think and got pissed and cocky and said some mean things and now we don't speak. Well I have tried to contact her but anyways. Wait some of that has nothing to do with the question. haha
I actually am now dating a girl casually and I am fighting not to be picky with her. With her it's the fact that I never completely got over the last one but I don't think I ever will.
Maybe there is some type of ocd in dating. Sometimes I think I will be better off not getting married.
Yeah girls can be picky but I don't think most girls know what they want! I dont!
The advice probably stemmed less from the fact that he broke wind, and more from the fact of the way he did it, when he did it and that he blamed it on her at such a crucial moment when he already knew she was nervous and uptight.
But, I agree with you. This is still not a good reason to break up with someone, as mortifying as it was. If you can't even handle something like this, I can't imagine how you'd handle being married to someone. :p
As a guy in his mid-twenties, I would say a definite yes. But the other Xangians also make a good point when they say, "Why settle for someone who you know you will not get along with it?" There has to be a balance. If it's little quirks like table manners, personality traits, or gentlemen-like conduct, then I would say it is a bad reason to jump ship--because, believe it or not, you can train men to be that way. It takes some work and it'll be an uphill battle all the time but it's doable. Those are condtionedbehaviors and they can be influenced or changed to some degree.
However, core beliefs, are much, much harder to break but still doable although it would take several years (i.e., 10+ years) where as conditioned behaviors would take just a couple (i.e., 2-4 years tops). Generally speaking, what he believes about certain things will rarely ever change. For instance, if he believes that a woman belongs in the kitchen and ought to be in charge of the children and family well-being, then that's something that will require lots of time to change. That's not a "behavior" that you can change or influence to a certain degree. That's a core belief. In such a case, it would be reasonable to jump ship, assuming that is one of those 'deal breakers' for you. That is, you want to be in the breadwinner role too and want to share the family responsibilities. And if he's not willing to budge, I think it is obvious what you ought to do and that is to jump ship.
As an adult yourself, you should already know that it is never just "one" reason that conditions are the way they are. It's usually a mix of several factors. Men and women are just dumb and most of the time, arguably all of the time, they make irrational decisions based on gut instincts because to them at the time in which it occurred, "it seemed like a good idea" or "it seemed like good fun" while putting to the backseat the possible consequences of such actions to deal with later. I am no exception to the rule. Everyone is susceptible to this rule whether they believe in it or not.
Then I'm the total opposite of a girl because I'm stubborn...
@TomTea - Agreed!
My SO isn't PERFECT, and...I appreciate his so called flaws. Maybe I'm weird...I don't know how to jump ship, nor would I want to.
it wouldnt be because of breaking wind it would be because he was disrespectful of her nervousness in meeting the folks!