Friday, 22 January 2010
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Slow and Steady Wins the Race?
About three weeks ago, my ex-boyfriend got in contact with me. (We dated our whole freshman year of college and have been apart for about 2 1/2 years.) I don't feel that it pertains to this post to talk about why we broke up, so perhaps I'll explain it another time. For now, just know that the break up was over nothing unsolvable or anything detrimental that would stop us from ever speaking again
Anyway, we have fully admitted to still having major feelings for each other, and that even though we've learned a lot during our time apart, we think life has more for us in store as a couple.
I've always heard about how important it is to take it slow when starting up with an ex again, both physically and emotionally. We can't just rush back into a relationship after all this time has passed; we've both changed (for the better, I believe) and need to get to know each other again.
I understand this completely--it makes perfect, logical sense. I would give this very advice to a friend. There's only one problem...
How the hell do we do this?? My ex and I have this insane chemistry on so many levels, and after hanging out once since getting back in touch, I realized how comfortable and natural it felt, as if we never broke up. Of course we discussed what went wrong between us in the past, apologized for whatever we were each at fault for, and discussed what would have to be different if we ever did get back together; but overall we were laughing, reminiscing, and making strong, romantic eye contact the whole night.
So, I need your help. Do you guys have any good suggestions of how to take it slow when rekindling an old flame? I already know that taking it slow physically will be hard, but taking it slow emotionally and not allowing ourselves to fall back in love right away will be even harder (especially when I never really stopped loving him in the first place). Hell, what does "taking it slow" really even mean? And when does said "taking it slow" stage end? We don't want to mess this up; God or the Universe or whatever seems to be giving us a second chance--we don't know if we'll be lucky enough to get a third.
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Comments (14)
i thought this was about sex
@rxc2009y@xanga - Me to
those are seriously the only two comments on this?! ha
okay, well... I do think it's definitely the right thing to take it slow. You both sound so genuine in wanting this; I think all you have to do is each apply your own willpower. Start off slow, maybe go on a few dates, laugh and watch movies--things you would normally do at the beginning of a relationship. I would say to even wait until at least the end of the first night to bring back the first kiss, if not later on than that. After that, the rest should come naturally, as long as you both are understanding of the situation and still wanting to take it slow. But remember that every relationship is different. You guys seem so comfortable with each other still that things might fall back into perfect place relatively fast. If that's the case then I think it would be okay to just let it happen, as long as you both remain comfortable.
I realize none of that may have helped at all... but I really hope it goes well for you two!
Sure, go slow. Waste the time. You'll be living forever, right?
@rxc2009y@xanga - LOL me 3. I was ready to argue too.
I think since you've being given a second chance at this you should just go for it ...some times we can over analyze things & scare ourselves with the what if's ...let your guard down & let what happens happen...good luck on it
TBH it's kind of hard to give advice without knowing why you broke up in the first place, but it does sound like you're doing all the right things - by talking to your bf about what went wrong the last time, etc. I wish you the best of luck!
It is hard to go slow when you already know him and feel comfortable. I've been there. But for the relationships sake just sort of pretend he's a new person, just hang out and build a stronger friendship first. Just apply the same rules or boundaries you would with a guy that you just started something with.
Look just go for it. You have already been there, done that, and if there is crazy chemistry what's the point of taking it slow? What does that acccomplish? Taking it slow means to give you enough time to get to know each other. Figure out what the other person is all about and see if there is chemistry there or not.
What happens if you "take it slow" and waste all this time to find out it's not meant to be? GO for it, enjoy it, and see what happens. Also, it was FRESHMAN year of college. I've grown A LOT from Freshman year to Senior year and also know that a lot of relationships ended freshman year bc you are just now finding yourself. So enjoy what life gets you and if that 2nd chance doesn't work don't go for a 3rd one. Just learn from it.
Maybe you shouldn't spend a lot of time together right off the bat. Limit yourselves. Maybe even act as if you're back at square one. Go on dates but don't spend the night, work up to the first new kiss, and all that jazz. Date before you get back together.
I'd say "taking it slow" would end when you know that your feelings for him don't just come from you missing him being a part of your life, when you've worked your way up to how much time you spend with him. But I'd say if you both really want this, then as long as you don't jump immediately or too quickly into things, you'll be fine.
I agree with some of the comments to just go for it. My boyfriend and I just got back together maybe a month ago after breaking up and I knew that we should take it slow, but if the feelings are still there like before it's difficult to. We talked a lot on the phone and everything, and just recently started seeing each other more often. You can't take it like a new relationship, it will definitely go faster than that, but if you want to go slower I suggest talking on the phone and things or hanging out in public places so it's not so intense. But don't be crazy about it. If things happen, then let them if it feels right.Â
From having done the same thing before...the wisest piece of advice I can give you is take time to relearn each other. You will be surprised how long someone will stay the same and change at the same time
I would say go at whatever pace comes naturally but not too fast at once. It would be very difficult to do if the chemistry is that crazy. Go on dates and get to know each other again, you's both would have changed even just a little in the time you's have been apart.
forget about the slow and steady. just take it one day at a time.... that's all there is to it.