My boyfriend and I have been dating since the end of junior year of high school--we're college seniors now. It was a tough transition into a long distance relationship, but we've made it through. (We plan on going to grad school next year in the same city, hopefully.)
There was only one time when we came close to breaking up, and that was January of freshman year.
We had only seen each other for Christmas, not New Year's, and then we each had to go our separate ways back to college. I don't even know what sparked it, but we felt so far away from each other, we wondered if it was worth going on. There were a few tearful phone calls, and eventually we decided that it was just a bump in the road, and that we'd move past it and be okay.
We've had nothing that bad since then, but I've noticed that harder than going back to school in August is the start of classes in January. Maybe we were more ready for the transition at the beginnings of the school years, or the stress of classes re-starting wore on us. It could be that the cold, dark month makes us more prone to depression. But no other time in the year have I missed him so much We get used to having each other around at home, always together for a full three weeks; then, poof. Back on our own. I'm glad January's coming to an end.
Have you noticed that a certain month is hard on your relationship? Is there a certain time of the year where you miss each other more than usual (even if just during the day, at work, whatever)? I'd like to know if it's not just me...
True
Comments (30)
My boyfriend and I just spent every second of a week together right before he had to go back to college (four hours away). I feel like I'm dying. The more time we spend together during a break the harder it is when he has to go back. :( So yeah, January usually sucks.
Absolutely. I'm studying at West Point (where we can't just leave on the weekends), and coming back from home where I've spent a few weeks with my friends and SO is incredibly difficult. The worst is on Tues. nights when my closest friends and I would see what kind of shenanigans we could pull off in the city. I miss that.
January is esp. hard, but I like to keep it in perspective. Spring semester always has a few long weekends, Spring Break, and leads right into the summer. I love that this month has flown by, and I imagine the next few months will evaporate just as quickly.
Hang in there! It'll all be worth it :)
Sounds like Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder (SAD). Living in Minnesota, it screws with me 6 months of the year, while warmer climates only deal with it 2-4 months of the year. And it messes with everything! I'm in a relationship right now and I'm still trying to figure out if it's just winter getting me down, or if it's something more? And I'm just sick of everyone, and I just got off of break. :/ I feel you though. January's the worst for me too... Hope it gets better for you :)
honestly, this past december felt really rough. i think winter messes me up, personally. we're lovely again now, though
It sounds like you're being clingy is all.
January sucks so does August
@melandollic@xanga - What!? How's that clingy? It's normal and in fact couples usually break-up before college to avoid this stress and heartache.
I Think it's amazing that you guys are making a relationship work under these circumstances. If it worked for this long you shouldn't feel discourage at all but I can understand the sudden feel of loss.
@Hallelujah_Haptism@xanga - It's normal to miss your SO yes. But if they're constantly arguing about it especially when it's only a month and are thinking about breaking up over it every single time that's not normal. That's called clingy.
I definitely know what this is like. My boyfriend and I have been going through the long distance thing for almost our whole relationship, since he moved to a different state right before we left for different colleges. It's definitely hard after breaks, if/when we get to spend some time together (I spent two weeks at his house this winter break) and then we have to go back to our normal routine. It helps us to think about the next time we get to spend together as opposed to worrying about the time we spend apart.
You're (hopefully) almost done the long distance part though! I think I'll be excited two years from now when my boyfriend and I both graduate and can finally spend time in the same state for more than two weeks at a time for once.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say. In your case, is he out of sight? OBVIOUSLY; is he out your mind (or heart perhaps)? NO (as I've seen it)! Now, hang in there! It's just a school year away anyway... a little bit of pain and a sprinkle of depression might be worth it!
Best of luck! :D
I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and 4 months, have lived together for almost a year, and the Januarys we've endured have been just absolute shit. Though, one of them I was out of a job (yay unemployed college graduate), this one I have a job, but it's a dead-end one. And my car is crapping out, joy.
Something about seeing dark at 5pm, windchills below zero, and not being able to do stuff outside (I mean, you can, but eh) is dreary.
@melandollic@xanga - "There was only one time when we came close to breaking up, and that was January of freshman year." So 4 years ago, pretty early in their relationship.
She doesn't mention constantly arguing at all. And I think a clingy person would never even attempt a long distance relationship.
Regardless of the month, I find that whenever my boyfriend leaves for PA for CA after a visit or I leave after a visit, it is always the hardest. If I'm on the airplane, I'll silently say good-bye to Josh and then shed a few tears. I'll be at home and continue to bawl for the next week, and then it gets better. I guess this year is the hardest after the nearly 3 and half years we dated. I regard it as a bump in the road just like you do.
@melandollic@xanga - Uh, yes, because once out of five years counts as constantly? It was just freshman year that it was that bad. Since then, it's just been missing each other a little more than usual, which, you know, is pretty typical when your soulmate doesn't live in the same zipcode as you.
@bass_chick57@lovelyish - SAD probably does play into it; I know my Mom gets it, so I likely do, too. (Unfortunately, I think PMS does, too...the combination of the two is nasty.)
It's not a certain month exactly, but definitely after a visit from my boyfriend (or if I go visit him). Or, when I'm feeling really disconnected from him. Those are some hard times.... It's not just you.
I heard on the radio that breakups usually happen in January. Weird...
so it's not just me?? i only just started dating my bf at the beginning of november, but he goes to school three hours away. it felt like the relationship was progressing naturally when he came home for break and we spent the better part of three weeks together, and once he went back i felt so...weird. just really weird, kinda sad, like it never even happened or something.
but haha last night on the phone we planned out all our visits for pretty much the rest of the semester (who's going where which weekend), so i think he was feeling it, too. he kept saying how it's "really almost summer". so i guess it was just the january blues!
With my ex, every November was hard. We would get moody and fight and pick at each other. But this only happened during November, the rest of the time we were golden..what was strange was that November was also our anniversary month. And this past November, at the 5 year mark, was when he broke up with me. So clearly, November was rough on our relationship.
I know how you feel. My boyfriend is a freshman in college and I'm a sophomore, but I chose a college in my hometown so this is our first year in a long distance relationship. It was really hard to watch him go, and I missed him like crazy. I spent this entire winter break with my him and it was so perfect. He went back to college a couple of weeks ago and I feel so lonely. It's almost as bad as when he first left. :( Definitely not a fun time.
It sounds like you guys are great, though. That's a long time to be together, especially long-distance. I have no doubt that you'll be fine.
<3
@Katja88@xanga - I'm aware considering I live 385 miles from mine. (: But the distance never seemed to make it that hard for us or any other people I know in similar situations. Hm.
@Cest_LaxVie@xanga - I don't think I care to know what a stalker thinks...
I definitely experience this during January and early February and find myself worrying about things more than usual, feeling less energetic, etc. I always think "it will be so much better when it gets warmer or the sun comes out." I just started a relationship and we spent the entire break together. Now it has become a long-distance relationship since he went back to school and I live at home. That combined with January blues is annoying and is taking some adjustment for me.
Good luck to you, it's worth it. You are not alone in this and you've made it this far :)
My relationships seem to always end in jan, if they do end. right now im with my bf but we are goingthrough a tough week...
@roxybabe1623@xanga - I sure hope it gets better for you. Think, it's just the month making it worse. You can make it!
Long distance relationships carry guilt and lies usually. I guess the main cause would be lack of physical interaction. Good luck, for me all months would be terrible. I sound like an ass but i work next to ex-navy personnel, their horror stories changed my perception of long distance dating.