Thursday, 21 January 2010
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First Love, Second Chance
So I was flipping through the channels and caught a preview for this show on TV Land called "First Love, Second Chance" They spend a week or two reconnecting with their first love, spending time at each others houses, meeting each others friends, seeing the same problems in their relationship devleop, and then decide at the end of it whether they want to start this reconnection in fresh start relationship. I couldn't help but feel bad for these people, holding onto someone for years, falling for the same tricks, who could be so silly.
And then I realized it could very well be me ten years down the road. I broke up with my long distance now ex- boyfriend around three or four months ago. I'll never see him again. There's no friendship or half genuine check ins. We live about three hours away so we won't bump into eachother. My feelings ended because he told me his did. And in my twenty years he was undoubtedly my first love.
With sites like Facebook showcasing everyone's relationship activity it shows how fickle some relationships are. Some couples break up every other week, some reconnect after months, and some after years. So I could see how it's easy to hold on. Especially when you try to date and no one seems to come close. It's easy to check in on ex-es and wonder if they miss you and things of that sort.
So I'm curious.
If you're married or in serious relationships, did you take a break or break up for a time?
Do you always marry your best relationship or are there always "the ones that get away" that will always taint our relationships. ?
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- From: sweet_imperfectionz@xanga
- Name: Ariell
- About Me: optimism. faith. love. quotes. being a dreamer. psychology. writing. being in love. reading. sexuality. the beach. camping. running. food network. intervention. movies. morning. coffee. food. music. exercising. Buddhism. Catholicism. making to do lists. family. sunsets. winter
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Comments (39)
it's very easy to hold on, but i think it is best to move forward. there are plenty of fish in the sea, and too many of us are hung up on the fish that we've already caught.
pfft. just your typical imaginative writing, as per usual. where's the good ole trustworthy action?
ha, funny post. my boyfriend of a year and seven months just randomly broke up with me for no reason at all. some are telling me: he'll call don't worry and others are saying go out and move on, which I clearly and obviously can't nor want to. But I'm sitting here getting my hopes up that he'll realize he needs me and misses me and call.
I personally don't think that years down the road you could get back together, too much would happen in between then with other people etc.Ooooh, this is a toughie. As a woman, I find myself, from time to time, reminiscing, pondering the "what if's", and thinking about "the one who got away...". Sometimes, it's just nice to reflect and cherish the good times, but other times, it gets in the way of potential relationships. You've set the standard so high that whomever comes along doesn't even get a chance to meet that expectation.
But then again...my belief is that things happen for a reason. I'm just glad they happened when it did. I don't like to chase blessings, so I'll remain content with myself, single or attached.
if the problems were that great to break up in the first place, i think its delusional to think its going to work again, cuz more times than none you forget why you broke up in the first time and then it all comes rushing back, i findit sad that ppl go through that process 3 to 4 or even more times before they finally realize its not going to work
after dating for a year and a half, my boyfriend called it quits out of the blue. it was hard and for a few weeks i held out hope that he would have a sudden realization that it was a mistake. after three weeks, i started talking to other people and moving on.
then four months later we had a random run-in in a coffee shop. then after that, he wouldn't STOP calling me and trying to be involved with me. we are currently dating again, but i think the few months apart helped put a lot of relationship issues in perspective for both of us. our relationship has never been healthier or happier. :)
My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years, and we have broken up about three times within the past year. The longest was for a week or so. It never works out for us to break up, but at the same time, our problems don't exactly go away either. A lot of people tell me I should let it go when we are going through our "breaks," but it is really hard for me to do so as it is for him. It must be for a reason, right..?
I'm one to believe that it's definitely possible to reconnect with someone 10 years down the line. There are a lot of changes that happen in that time to both people that could possibly change them to be more compatible. Who knows. The circumstances for an even better relationship, especially after college, have definite potential.
i love this! (: my ex and i broke up about four months ago, and to this day we can't let go of our love. we know that we have something there, we just know it and now we're talking again and i think we might have another go at it. i mean, i reallyyy reallyy think it'll work this time.
There are two people I was in love with (first love and first actual girlfriend), and I sometimes wonder what might have happened if things hadn't ended the way they did or if I revisited our relationship in the present. But we're not together for a reason, and I have to leave it at that.
i dated my bf when i was 14.. and we broke up.. we didnt talk or see each other for 4 years.. then outta no where he contacts me again.. and we've been together ever since. lol. and its been good :)
The first time my boyfriend and I dated we were still in highschool, we dated for two months but I had been in love with him since he was a freshman (I was a year ahead of him). When we broke up, less than a month later he was dating another girl. We were apart for five months, three of which he dated this other girl.
He tried to break all contact with me but soon realized that he simply couldn't and started talking to me again. Long story short, he broke up with the other girl and asked me for a second chance, which I gave him but we didn't officially start dating again until a couple months later because I was still unsure.
We've now been together over a year and I don't regret it one bit. :)
I guess I can see something like your high school sweetheart or something like that. Otherwise, I'm not a big fan of a second go around. Chances are, whatever problems were there before are still there, then there's the added frustration of the fact that they still haven't changed!!
I think most of us do move on but there can still be times that you might wonder "what if " about someone from the past with whom you had a heart connection.
uhm. i dont really know what to say. fb.... is kind of like a thin thread that connects you in SOME form of way. but if you really let go, it shouldnt matter to you.
and... i dont want to say more cause xanga is a public site
My ex and I were together 2 and a half years, and we broke up 5 times in the last six months. We spent time apart and then got back together again, to see if the time apart helped us grow up/change/etc., but it didn't help. I still love him though, and I haven't seen him for 7 nearly 8 months now. I probably won't see him again for another 2 years at least, but I like to believe that we'll get back together, no matter how sad that seems. He was/is my first love. I'm not over him yet, but I hope to be one day, as I don't want to wait around forever for something which may or may not happen. Even though I want it right now, it's so unlikely, and I may change my mind down the line. I think if you have spent a significant amount of time apart then it could work a second time.
That first love doesn't taint, but sets the bar.
Fate is a funny thing; it can surprise you somehow. :D And I'd surely be surprised if my first love and I would be given a second chance.
my ex is still obsessed with his ex (not me), and it sometimes caused problems. they only dated for 9 months, but he was in love with her for at least two years afterward, he admits. We dated off and on for two years, the longest we were together at one time being 10 months, but his "love" for me didn't last even a fraction of that time span.
she is still his favorite girlfriend. he still calls her sexy. but he knows he can't have her, so he forces himself to have feelings for others. it's pathetic.
unfortunately, this guy is technically my "first love." we don't talk, even when we are in the same room. we hate each other and this has been on going for more than three months now. I wouldn't want a second chance with him. he treated me like shit, and I hated knowing that he never did anything for me, but he treated his first love like a princess. I'll always resent that.
Me & my current boyfriend were on & off for 7 months..then i finally ended it & told him i was done for good. We both dated different people, 3 months went by and i broke up with my other boyfriend because i knew that i still had feelings for my ex & it wasn't fair to make my current boyfriend have to put up with that. The night i broke up with him ex, my 7 month boyfriend called me & at first telling me how much he hated me how i was the only girl he could never forget about and all this other stuff. After talking on the phone for 3 hours we both decided that we were still in love with each other & wanted to give it one last final chance.
The first month was pretty good, but then old problems starting coming back up. His shadiness is starting to come through again and i don't know how to confront him about it because whenever i do it just causes even more issues, and then he wont see me in person until we have worked things out. Overall some things have changed for the better, but then again some things are exactly as they were. And him having left me for 3 other girls makes me not able to trust him anymore, and whenever he is texting another girl i always think
"Oh its just another girl that he will soon choose over me..once again."
If you really do love the person, & both of you are willing to work on your past mistakes & change for the better, then i say give it another chance. But if you know its something neither of you change & forgive each other then its better to leave it broken then hurt yourself even more trying to fix it.
Me and my first love broke up just over 2 years ago. We did manage to let the love go as we both ended up being in long term relationships afterwards but we were still friends through my boyfriend after him. Didn't see him that much though however now we've been hanging out again it seems like our love is growing again which could be a problem but neither of us can stop it and it feels a whole lot stronger than it did before.
@solidsnake8462@xanga - agreed. growing up and maturing could make you compatible even if you weren't at all to begin with. i could see my first bf and i working out if we hadn't found the people we're with now- we dated in high school/college and broke up just because i felt there was something else out there because he didn't really support me. but ten years is a long time. sounds like an interesting show
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year ( only officially boyfiend/girlfriend for six months). We are very serious about our relationship. We haven't taken any breaks nor do we plan on doing so. I guess what we say, if it comes to the point where we feel like taking a break we should sit down and talk about our relationship and figure out if we should continue dating or not.
Truthfully, its something you've got to get over. :/ If you haven't moved on from one relationship, you are not likely to be all that successful in another until you finally do move on. It isn't always easy, in fact it usually is very tough and some people need counseling to help them through, but its essential to move on. Moving on is not just an action that you do, it isn't JUST finally starting to date other people again.
And, I would be willing to bet that a good portion of the people who go on that show are actually only doing it for the money and/or the chance to be on television. That doesn't mean some of them aren't genuinely trying to see what would happen if they reconnected with their first love, though.
For the most part, people change and grow as they get older and go through more and more life experiences. But, I would probably not revisit a first love, especially if things ended badly. Like cheating, or a nasty break-up for any other reason.
I suppose if it wasn't nasty and it didn't end with a betrayal, that might not be so bad, but I still think its ridiculous. :/