Wednesday, 20 January 2010
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I Don't Want to Ruin Our Friendship... Unless I'm the One Dating Him
Early in this school year, I happened to mention to a friend I like a certain guy. She froze, and mumbled "I like him too... But... I don't want to ruin our friendship." So, I decided the same and I did not flirt with this certain guy or anything. Mind you, I still talked to the guy--we've been friends for a year or two so it would be weird if I suddenly never talked to him again. But, last Friday, this girl and I were to go to a school function together--but she told me she wouldn't be needing a ride very suddenly, maybe ten minutes before we were going to pick her up. I found out later that night that she took a different ride so she would have a better chance of sitting next to the guy in question and flirting with him.
Understandably, I'm a little pissed. I was willing to ignore him and not ruin our friendship--but obviously she was okay with ruining the friendship as long as she got him.
So, I'm at a bit of a loss of what to do next. I want to consider that as the gauntlet being thrown, and just flirting with him as much as I wanted to before--and when she gets pissed at me, just say something like "Oh, but you did it too, remember?" At the same time, I don't really know if it's worth the trouble... But I have a feeling that no matter what happens, trouble will ensue...
So, dear Datingish readers, what say you on the matter? What do you think I should do?
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- From: Yuji_kun@xanga
- About Me: I love Modest Mouse, Kurt Vonnegut, and rainbow socks
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Comments (41)
Clearly people are willing to put themselves first. Explain to her everything you said in this entry if you value the friendship. But don't forget, it won't be the last time she'll do this to you.
I personally would cut her loose. This minor incident shows other characteristics of hers that I would consider contradictory to what I require in a friendship.
Cut them both loose! Chances are, the guy is a big fish in a small pond and his attractiveness is merely an illusion to be revealed at further notice... neither of these people deserve your time.
THIS EXACT THING HAPPENED TO ME. My best friend and I had agreed to stay away from a certain guy, cause our friendship meant meant more. I stopped all contact with him. He was a friend of mine, but every time he tried to make conversation with me,..I ignored him.
Apparently I was the only one keeping this promise. My other best friend told me she was pretty much dating him secretly. I was pissed!
In the end, I got over it and we're still friends. I'm a very forgiving person. The best thing you can do is talk to her about it, and ask if the promise means anything to her because it means everything to you. Even if nothing works, you can at least have the satisfaction that you were the better person =]
How much do you like the guy? If I were you I'd start flirting with him. Your friendship with that other girl is kinda ruined anyway. It's all fair game from this point onwards.
My thoughts are talk to her and if she can't keep her side of the bargain then she's not worth it. Also the guy is probably oblivious that you or her like him. I dunno dear, I've been in a situation like this before as well. It's quite a bitch. Just use your words wisely.
ewww, drama... lol...
all is fair in love and war
What's up with these stupid agreements regarding certain guys being
off-limit? Sure you may like him. So what? Does he feel the same way
about you? If not, shouldn't you respect that? What if he likes your
friend instead? Does that mean you're going to stop him from liking
her? You can't. Everyone has the right to chase and everyone has the
right to accept or to reject. Just like you have that right to chase,
to accept, or to reject. What you did, was bad. Don't get me wrong, I
value friendship just like you. However, unlike you and her, I value respect.
Get him before she does.
And that's why I don't tell girls ANYTHING about who or what I want from a bloke.
Psst think about the guy too. What if he likes YOU? Don't hold back because a rival asks you too, even if she's a friend
LOL really? Now, did somebody else say she was flirting with him or did you even talk to her about it? This is all seems very pointless as he'll still be your friend. If they do start dating, imagine how much she's going to hate knowing that you like him and he still talks to you.
It's not like he's the only guy left on this planet. I'm fairly sure there are many more you could get without the drama. Unless you enjoy that sort of backstabbing, myspace shit talking, blown out of proportion, possibly ruin your reputation for years thing.
Heh. This is why you must beware of your "best friends."
They're either:
a.) someone who's just like you - you'll like the same type of guy; the same guy could like you both...
b.) your complete opposite who is secretly jealous of you because you're everything that she's not... (If she's mature, she'd be grateful for having a friend like you, who is everything that she's not.)
Wow, I'm glad I'm not besties with any of you. You advise her to "cut her loose" because the chick wanted to sit next to the same guy they both like?
If this really is the sort of thing that you consider a friendship-ruiner, maybe SHE should cut YOU loose.
My college roommate and I liked the same guy. We didn't discuss it and we certainly didn't worry about ruining our friendship. We both went after him and I ended up dating him. She was the maid of honor at my wedding to said guy, and she ended up marrying someone else. It was never an issue, and it never really should have been.
Wow, sweet friend, yeah?!
If I were you I would just flirt with the guy and see where it gets me.
I wouldn't worry so much about the friend because she doesn't appear to be the type of friend that will prove worthwhile in the end. I have had situations where a friend and myself have liked the same guy and I am more likely to step back for my friends than I would be willing to screw them out of the opportunity. Flirt with him, see if he likes you and focus on that aspect of your life.
I wouldn't be too worried about your "friend" ....
Like the first person who commented you said, she would probably do something like that again. Cut her loose and focus on friends that aren't out to screw you over.
Good luck!
eh...
just be friends with the guy. Jesus. If he likes you, if something romantic comes up, then your friend shouldn't deny you that.
i hope you're no older than high school.
Play the game but don't fall for it. *nods*
Sounds petty. Not worth ruining a friendship over. Jeez.
@Pcgecko85@xanga - Exactly.
I've had problems like this.. except it was more of a she liked him, I liked him, he liked me sort of thing... Just keep in mind that in the long run it won't be worth your friendship which will indubitably last longer than that relationship would.
EXACT same thing happened to me , to bad the girl ended up being a jerk and hates me now . But I still have the guy
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@Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga - agreed.
Would you let a guy ruin your friendship? XD One has to give up or...it'll be even better if you two just look for someone else. WIN-WIN situation!
Honestly, no matter who gets him-if anyone-, you shouldn't let it affect your friendship.
If she's willing to put a guy before you, then I really think that you should reciprocate... I mean, it's going to keep happening if you stay silent. Either make a move, let him go, or talk to her about it and see how she reacts. If she tries to cover it up, then obviously she feels that you're a HUGE threat and obstacle between her and the guy you both like... and if that's the case, then that means YOU would probably have a better chance of getting him than her.
But always ask yourself this: Are you okay with sitting on the sidelines?
Just because you're willing to do this doesn't mean other people will do it too. This world isn't that nice. So you might as well work what you have to get what you want.