Tuesday, 19 January 2010
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Are you "The Reacher" or "The Settler"
I just finished watching How I Met Your Mother and they had an interesting topic/sub-plot. For the two people who make up every relationship, Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce to you "The Reacher" or "The Settler".
The Reacher: Some one who reaches beyond their looks and dates above their own looks
The Settler: Some one who settles for some one less good looking then themselves
So which one are you in your relationship?
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About the Author
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- From: Utoppia
- About Me: Laughter is contagious and Sarcasm is dangerous. I go by the saying "if you can't take a joke and laugh at yourself, don't diss other people because you're just asking for it."
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Comments (86)
OMG! I dont know which one I am. haha HELP!
This is really interesting though!! I just wish I knew which one I was. I've dated both really hot guys and average looking guys that turn hot because of their personality. UGH. Is there an inbetween?
Can't you be a combo of both?
I think there sometimes is something in between... I don't think there's an either/or. We're perfect for each other.... I don't know who is necessarily more attractive.
Well, I have dated guys who were considered to be oh so sexy by everyone else and to be not so cute by everyone else, but I found both types of guys equally attractive. So I am not sure...
Reacher, for the win.
I guess I'm a reacher because he's much more attractive than me.
settler...
I think I can be both, depending on the relationship. Right now, I'd say I'm the reacher, however he'd probably say he was the reacher. (And when I saw the title of this, " said, "OMG! How I met Your Mother!!!")
I also don't think it's every relationship, sometimes things can come out even...
I don't know. I think I was the hot one in my relationship until I got fat.
First off, what fragile male ego I have is down for the count, as I notice I'm the only male so far in this estrogen-laden chatfest. And let me hasten to add, I don't mean that as a slur against the fairer gender. I'm just trying to sound clever--and probably falling flat on my face.
I am a settler--and that's not so I look better by comparison. I will settle for a woman who will settle for ME.
You mention a TV show. Let me mention another--The Big Bang Theory. The apt.ful of nerds keep trying to score with the hot babe who lives next door. No way Jose. She's into hot guys. They're out of the running before they start. They at least have the consolation of lucrative careers.
I have no hotness, no buffness, no upwardly mobile career, no conversational ability, no fantastic lovemaking talent or experience, no flair for cooking, conversation, no yadda yadda. and no miraculous likelihood of acquiring any of the above very soon.
So I settle.
I'm neither, though I wouldn't say I'm a settler. I don't think I've ever seriously dated anyone below me on the Infallible 1-10 Scale, but I've tried for girls at my level and beyond. Of course, that's dating. As far as hookups go, I've gone about 2 pts higher and 1 pt lower on the scale. So I suppose I'm a combo of the two, with a leaning tendency towards Reacher.
Idk, I think sometimes it evens out. Everyone says I'm pretty and all, but my ex was damn good-looking himself, especially on his motorcycle! Maybe its in the attitude? I don't think of myself as above-average in looks, maybe he thinks he is..
I think that in an ideal relationship both parties would see themselves to be the reacher, and the other party to be the settler.
Neither, I just flow and whatever comes my way that's worth having I'm going to try to keep it.
I am a reacher, sadly...(well, I suppose it's better than a monger...)
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
I guess I would call myself a settler, because I find men who think of themselves as better looking than me to be completely metro and douche-y. But I wouldn't actually consider myself settling, because with good looks comes stupid behavior (most of the time). So when I "settle" for someone who other people might think is "below" me in the looks department, there's more than enough compensation in other areas of the relationship.
Looks are deceiving, anyway.
Most of the time I am a settler. In the past a lot of the more attractive guys I was involved with were the kind that sleep with you and never call you again (almost all of them I didn't sleep with them to figure this out, mainly they seemed to be) so I bolted. It seemed the less attractive ones were more interested in building a relationship. I guess I'd rather give someone a chance who doesn't immediately get my heart racing than fall for a hot jerk?
 I regretfully have dated guys that I clicked well with, but physically it just wasn't all there. No matter how hard I tried or what not. I have been all over the place in what I thought love was. I definitely know that settling for someone you may be great with, but not so much hot for is not really love.Â
The guy I am living with is definitely different. I always thought he was way more attractive than me, and he wanted to build a relationship from the get-go. I guess not all hot guys are jerks. Â
idk mostly a settler.
It really bothers me that everywhere I look the guy is always the reacher and the girl is always the settler. unfair....
@PMFoutofwater - Hahaha...what's a monger?
Oh FYI: when I asked my SO which one he thought I was, he clearly shut his mouth and just smiled... Is that a good sign?@fuzzi_mushroom@xanga - hmmm interesting you said that. Maybe it's because girls really can look past the physical looks and go for the inner beauty? I know lots of girl friends who dates guys who are average and below but when asked why, they've always said that the guy makes them laugh and happy.
@Utoppia - i've been thinking about that concept as well... Is it that women have so many appearance standards to uphold, that they feel as if they're only their 'looks' from a societal point of view? It could feel liberating to find a man that doesn't hold you to appearance standards everyday of your life
i think my SO and i are basically on the same level of attractiveness? he has a better body though by most standards hahha...so maybe i'm a reacher ?
settling is never a good thing in my book, but really im a reacher but not by choice, it just happens, ive have nothing but great looking guys on my laundry list to brag about. BUT my cousin who could reach if she wanted or at least have someone equally attractive opts ofr settling and i tell her thats not good because they will always have some sort of insecurity issue which in the end turns out to be true, they get super jealous over comments on face book and other guys staring i dont know what they expect but shes not the one to cheat so i think they should shut up and be grateful she likes them so much, but im always the one to tell my friends they can do better.
i honestly have nooo idea
i only date who i'm attracted to, so probably a reacher. but idk, maybe not. cause the first girl i was attracted to, was according to others, 'far less attractive than me'... so idk... i'm a reacher in that i thought she was the most beautiful girl in existence. but may be a settler in the end cause different values...
good question ^^ :D
what about you, ms. OP provider?