Saturday, 16 January 2010
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"He Insists That She Isn't Pregnant"
So...maybe I can get a few opinions on this situation.
My roommate, who is 23, just found out last week that she's pregnant with her "friend with benefits's" baby, which she's decided to keep. They have a history together and have been sleeping together since July. Without condoms or any other form of birth control. Dur, I wonder why she's pregnant? It's a wonder she's just NOW getting pregnant.
Anyway, she's completely hung up on him. She says she knows that they're just having sex, but then she turns around and freaks out when he does something douchebaggy (which is every day) or starts talking to another girl (which he does every day and rubs in her face). He even blocked her number at one point, but still calls her when he's horny. He recently moved to another apartment in town and won't tell her where. He is the king of douchebags, yet she's still starved for his attention. We all tell her to move on and forget him, but she won't do it. She can't sleep at night because he isn't there, she doesn't do anything at all but mope around the apartment all day, etc etc...the list goes on.
And now he's being even more of a douche than before. He insists that she isn't pregnant, even though she took two tests and she went to the doctor, and is going back for blood-work just to make sure. When she told him, he called her "white trash" and also said that he was better than her, which is complete and total bs. He can't face the reality of the situation and he's 24. HE'S 24. Is it just me or does he need to grow up?
But that's beside the point. My real question is: Why does she still go back to him even though he treats her like that? He's verbally and emotionally abusive, and she just takes it, even though she "knows he's an asshole." Now I've been in a place similar to hers, minus the pregnant part, but I recognized when it needed to end and I ended it, even though it hurt and it took me awhile to get over it. Why can't she do this? She is also not wanting to get child support from him, even though she will DESPERATELY need it (she's unemployed and lives off of unemployment and food stamps). Have any of you been in/known someone in her situation? If so, what did you/they end up doing?
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- From: ForeverXBroken_Inside@xanga
- Name: Krista
- Location: Murfreesboro, Tennessee, United States
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Comments (68)
it probably has a lot to do with the fact that she's pregnant, now. i got pregnant with the baby of a "friend with benefits". for awhile i thought maybe we should try to work things out and all that, but i changed my mind because i realized he's still extremely immature.
a lot of the time when a man is abusive, it makes the woman feel like she doesn't deserve anything better, as well. even though she'll never admit it to anyone.
You know, with some girls, pregnancy is the push for them to grow up. Perhaps when she realizes that she's carrying a precious life and how much danger the child will be in if raised around him, she'll leave. Life changing events change people. Too bad she's bringing a child into her mess, but hopefully that realization will make her clean it up.
just watch the maury show.
She loves him, and want to keep part of him with her. He may be a douche and irresponsible jerk but she loves him for her own reasons.
but.. this won't end well. If she gets support from friends and family and have the baby, I'm sure she will be an extremely loving parent, but if no one will support her, she might just have the baby even if it kills her. If she ever realizes how important her own life is, she will have the abortion.
holy crap.
She's gunna be taking someone to the Maury show in a year or so.
@aznsam999@xanga - DAMNIT you beat me to the thought D:
@ordinary_gir1@xanga - *lol* maury is awesome.
Love and infatuation make many of us blind. I know it made me.
Make her take him to court. He's the other half that formed the baby and he needs to accept responsibility. Make her do it and have her accept responsibility too.
@aznsam999@xanga - lol. exactly
@ThisUserNameIsAvaliable@xanga - "If she ever realizes how important her own life is, she will have the abortion."
Or she could put the baby up for an adoption, theres a ton of help she could get through that, even after the baby is born. Let's please not act like abortion is the only suitable option and it's the perfect quick fix. If this girl is having emotional insecurities as it is there will be a bunch of emotional damage that will stick with her for years after having an abortion.
I think we can all agree that she needs to cut ties with this guy though and not have him part of her or the baby's life.
Abusive relationships are pretty complicated. Usually the person who is abused feels like they either dont deserve any better or that the abuser has just reasons for their actions (ie, they're stressed) or that the abuser will eventually change, OR the abused might just feel like they have no other option, no where else to go, no one else to turn to. Usually the abused will have certain psychological personality traits, like they have abandonment issues and they lack a lot of self esteem.
You need to sit down and have a very serious conversation. Get a bunch of people rounded up and have like an intervention. I suggest you try to help this girl get into some kind of counseling. She's defiantly not in any position to be a mother right now and she has a very limited time to get ready. Maybe with some guidance and a knock in the head she'll wake up and realize the situation and what she needs to do. And hopefully then she'll take some legal action against the guy, because if he doesnt want to be in the baby's life he at least needs to fork out some cash to help support him/her.
@LoveofChristaddict@xanga - I agree, abortion wont help the situation. She already has enough emotional problems without adding more to it.
@ThisUserNameIsAvaliable@xanga - @NadoAngel@xanga -
AND this won't help her case of ever being pregnant against the fathers word that she's not pregnant if she gets an abortion...she could use his help at least until she has it and puts the baby up for adoption, especially after all the crap he's put her through and the money she's already spent that it sounds like she doesn't have on the multiple tests and doctors visits.
--that was a really long run on sentence...sorry..haha
She has low self-esteem and having a baby with this idiot is only going to lower it because she’s going to be forever linked to him with the baby.
my opinion is that she just shouldn't keep it at all. Adoption would be a much better choice.Â
He needs to wake up and smell reality. Like.... Right now.
Well when I was taking my psychology class, that issue came up.
Even though she knows this is painful for her, she still stays in the relationship. Like how you said, you were able to get out of your relastionship; she needs to want to do the same. You and many of her friends can tell her over and over again that he is no good for her, thats not gonna help any. The way you changed your thoughts on the relationship you had, she must do the same before moving on.
Change her thoughts 1st, then help her on leaving him.... I hope it all works out. ..
@kleptos_get_it_free@xanga - She was like that waaay before she got pregnant.
lollollollollollol.
They're both morons.
She needs to get an abortion or look into adoption.
Having a baby does not fix a relationship, nor does it force someone to grow up.
Many people are gluttons for punishment.
oh my, i have the same problem.
im not preggers with my friends with benefits baby, but i do still keep going back to my ex.
he's with some other girl currently and he is the biggest douche ever, but if he were to call right now and be like 'my and her broke-up i want you back' i'd go back to him and i have NO IDEA why. there's just something about him.
underneath all the douche bag.
__
as a third party opinion though, she should give the baby up for adoption
@Autumn_Ashbrook@xanga - Ugh. My ex is the same way. Everytime we break up, he finds a new girl super fast. Then when they break up he wants me back. And I go back. He's such a douche. Cheated twice. We just broke up again, and after 10 days he got a new gf.
Like you said, theres something underneath all the douche bag.