Saturday, 16 January 2010
-
The Bonds that Binds or Blinds?
I’ve been thinking about my friendships and relationships lately. Currently, I don’t have many of either but I seem to be very selective. I think the bond I have with the person correlates with the degree of criticism I have of them. When you think of the traits you want in an ideal friendship and relationship are they too high? I wonder, am I judgmental? It doesn’t seem like the case because if I have a good bond with someone, I can look past certain flaws but there are certain flaws that I can’t overlook when the bond is poor.
This leads me to wonder is it the bond that blinds their flaws or is it that the bond that binds me to their character? What I know for sure is if I can relate to someone and respect them, there's nothing that would turn me off in our relationship. But when I can't relate to their negativity, it does become an obstacle to accepting them.
If others are reflections of yourself... Notwithstanding, I know I'm not perfect either. I wonder if I'm too lenient with myself or do I have the core traits that make me acceptable in my own eyes.
I am surrounded by people with negative social traits and I can't help but wonder if they affected me in an opposing manner to be so critical? They say 'Judge not lest ye be judged' but I judge others by how (well) they (can) relate to others.
Thoughts?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: Parsimony@xanga
- About Me: This is my literary device where I convert thoughts into ideas.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 18 Views: 0 34615 Comments: 0 505 View all posts by Parsimony@xanga
Comments (7)
I think you answered your own question there, you just don't want to accept it as the answer.
I do the same thing.
I don't see a problem with being judgmental as long as it's reasonable. If someone drank every weekend, I wouldn't consider removing them as a friend so long as they know time management and don't let drinking ruin their academics.
I'm a lot like you.
Although its not so much that I'm judging people, but it just seems that my priorities differ then a lot of other people my age.
You can't help but judge. It's Human nature. That saying, judge not lest ye be judged, I've always taken it as "Don't let a judgment of someone eliminate their chance to prove themselves to you". Obviously though, you have to judge some people in life for self-preservation. You wouldn't let a known thief or rapist or murderer stay the night at your house, would you?
In any case, I think it works both ways. I think your bonds to people can help you oversee and accept some of their negative traits, even if you dislike other people for possessing the same traits. But obviously there had to be something about them you liked in the first place in order for you to develop that bond. Note, though, that traits aren't the only thing that define your bond with someone. It's actions and circumstances as well. I'm best friends with someone who really has all the traits I typically hate in people....but I grew up with him, and he's always been there for me even if he's dragged me down into some shit before. Even though I may not think he's the best person and is really flawed, I love him like a brother regardless.
People's actions are not always easily confined into their 'traits'. Depending on who you are, or what the situation is, people can do things that seem really out of character, and change the dynamics of your relationship with them regardless of the type of person they are a majority of the time or what kind of person they're like to people other than yourself.
@dlmcniel@xanga - I agree. :/
@An_iLL_Dispositi0n@xanga - Agreed!