Thursday, 14 January 2010
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It Wasn't Just Love
Lucas was tall, lean and had a wonderful sense of style. He had dark curly hair that framed his face just right. He was intelligent, quirky, and very sure of himself. I loved his confidence.
I was fresh faced, barely a college grad, in a struggling long-term relationship. My boyfriend and I had been dating since high school and we were now realizing how different we had become.
Lucas and I became friends. Soon, we became very good friends. We'd spend hours talking and connecting. He made me laugh from the inside out. Deep inside, we both knew we wanted to be more than just friends. A few months into our friendship, I broke up with my long-term boyfriend.
Three days later, Lucas and I kissed. It was magical, yet so ordinary. We were sitting in my grad- school dorm room, watching Dr. Phil, laughing at how corny some of the things he talked about were. I was leaning on him, as I usually did and just happened to look up. He was looking down at me, smiling. His eyes were a deep blue, and they were focused on me completely. And then, it just happened.
For the next year and half I was madly in love. We were madly in love. And it just wasn't love. It was a feeling I've never experienced. It was a complete connection to someone else. It wasn't superficial, or simply just lust. We understood each other. There was never any jealousy or trust issues ( believe me, I have lots of trust issues!), nor did we spend all our time together. We barely fought. We both were so appreciative of finding each other that some of the BS we had experienced in other relationships just melted away. We just had fun with each other and loved each other as best we could.
Lucas was my soul mate.
On this day, 5 years ago, Lucas passed away. He was in a terrible car accident and lost his life.
It's taken a long time to heal. There have been lots of ups and downs. This entire experience has taught me how to love, and love properly. It's taught me that love ( romantic or not) is to be cherished, and appreciated because you never know what can happen next. I'm thankful that Lucas and I had nothing lingering the day he passed. We had spent the morning laying in bed cuddling and laughing. I couldn't have asked for a better way to say good bye. But a part of me wishes I had known it was our last moment together.
Have any of you loved and lost? Have you ever experienced such a full connection with a SO?
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- From: twenty_ish
- Name: twenty_ish
- About Me: a twenty something, lost in the world of love, passion, and idealistic compulsions
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Comments (65)
:/ That was beautiful.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I have yet to deal with the loss of someone close to me, but I can imagine it is vey painful.
wow.
this is the kind of love I hope to find with someone some day.......so beautiful the power of a companion who trully completes you.
I hope you are doing alright...
godbless.
Oh wow. Sucks to be you.
I'm tearing up from this. It was beautifully written. I'm so sorry for your loss. Especially since today is my birthday, i forget death doesn't halt for it. Again, im sorry for your loss.
Awwl, This is just beautiful!
I am so sorry. This is beautiful, though. It's the kind of love that i think we all long for.. it's sad that it had to end so soon.
wow, that was beautiful. so beautiful, that it made me cry. I'm so sorry you had go through that. your relationship was wonderful. I'm glad that you gave him the best 1/2 years of his life he could could possibly have <3
You are so strong and I'm so happy that you had that perfect time together.
I've loved and lost. He's now an ex that exists in my life at arm's length. What's worst than loving someone is knowing the person and not being able to reconnect.
Beautiful post. I almost cried reading this.
Why does everyone bag Dr. Phil? I think he's COOL O_O
Oh my gosh. That was certainly unexpected.
Thank you for writing this.
Agreeing with an above commenters, that was beautiful.
I mean, wow. I can't imagine having that kind of connection & having it torn away.
I've come close to that type of connection, but not quite the same.
I'm very sorry for your loss, but I'm happy for you that you got to experience something so special and that it's something you will be able to carry with you always. I hope you will find that again some day.
But I feel so sad now. Why did such a beautiful thing have to go away? :(
I'm truly so sorry for your loss
That is utterly terrible. You truly had an angel here on Earth, and now he's in heaven watching over you.
Be thankful for the time that you two shared, I pray that God blesses you with the courage to stand strong, and I know that you will find love again. Take care.
this story was so heart warming... and this is how I feel with my boyfriend... we're so close, we never fight, I can't imagine my life without him.
we've both admitted our greatest fear is to lose the other. I don't know how I would get through that.
I am so, so sorry for your loss... because every time I consider that this could happen to me... I just don't know what I would do. it hurts to think about...
Oh wow. That's a gorgeous story. Wish I ever had something like that for myself. =/
wow. kudos for having such a positive attitude about it- it would be easy to be bitter at the world, but i can tell that you really feel lucky to have had what you had, not cheated that you lost it.
i have that kind of connection with my current bf. we've only been together for two months, but i've never felt anything like this before (i'm 24 and have had a number of relationships, some of them long term/serious). it's funny, the other day i was afraid he had a car accident on a long road trip, and as sad as i was at the thought of losing him, my real thought was, "wow, how lucky that i met him two months ago; if much more time had passed, we would never have met at all." i just felt blessed to have him in my life, no matter how long.
still can't imagine the pain i'll experience when/if he's ripped away. my heart and thoughts and prayers go out to you. this is a lovely tribute.
Im very sorry for your loss, but im glad you've taken your time to enjoy and cherish everything from Lucas, to now.
oh my god. that was terribly sad. i'm tearing up too =/
but i'm glad you've reached the point that you can look at the positive sides
This was incredibly touching. :) I'm very happy that you were able to write this for us to read and reflect on. :)
I could never imagine going through what you've been through. Keep strong sweetie <3 *hug*
I'm sorry for your loss.
I've loved and lost, but not physically lost them, no. And I have had that connection, yes.