It started out as a joke amongst friends but now I feel the jokes getting old and it's time to move on.
When I was younger and still in the dating scene, my mom use to ask me why I never dated a Chinese boy so she could communicate with him. "Gee, I don't know mom. I mean, you and dad are the old school type where you sat down with the village match maker. Now a days, people like to date people they're attracted to and Chinese boys just aren't that attracted to me". Of course like any Asian mom who grew up in communist China, she's skeptical and the first to say maybe something is wrong with me and starts pointing out the ways (or flaws in her eyes) of why Chinese boys aren't digging me. According to her, I laugh too loud, talk too much and curses like a dude at an OTB...in other words, I'm too much like a guy. Maybe that's why she tried to ingrain cooking and cleaning into me as a back up plan to snag a husband.
Flash forward to 10 years later, I'm no longer single, I still laugh too loud, talk too much and yes, cursing is part of my daily vocabulary. I have a very dominant personality and I have plenty of guy friends. Thank god I was able to unbrainwash my mom from old school China and she's much more accepting of the fact that it's okay to be the guy in the relationship. I've been in plenty of relationships where I was the guy counterpart and of course, people joked around about it. Now let me clarify why I'm the guy; I'm usually not the one to get jealous, not the lovey-dovey OD on sugar type and I'm usually the one who needs alone time. Some of the guys I dated didn't mind while some was down right offended to the point they wanted me to cook and clean for them every day to prove that they were "the man" and I was "the woman".
For the Ladies: Who else is "The Man" in their relationship? How is that working out?
And for the Gents: Is it really a turn off if when its the girl who wears the pants in the relationship?
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Comments (41)
I think my boyfriend and I split the "pants" very evenly... as we're in college, sometimes I pay for him, but sometimes he'll pay for me; I'm fairly inappropriate and don't mind my manners around him, but he is very lax around me as well. when making decisions we both always decide on what's going to make both of us happy; we play the "Idk what do you want" game an awful lot, and the "I picked last time!" game a whole lot... lol. we both clean his apartment, we both cook together, we're both extremely lovey toward one another, and neither of us mind being apart/ having alone time. we both have immature senses of humor and foul mouths... I think it's what we have in common that keeps us together, hah.
I have a very independent personality so I feel I tend to come off as "the man" in a given relationship, but I also care a lot about how my significant other feels about everything and I want things to be as equal as possible.
it's nothing to be ashamed of (not that you are)... you are who you are, and someone will love you to death for it, haha. honestly in a lot of cases guys love it when girls can tell them what they want- no mind games, makes everything so much easier for them.
Yeah Im totally "the man" lol but its working out great for me ^.^
You already got my comment on this =P
He claims he's "the man"...
I'm not in a relationship, but in my previous one... I was "the man" of the relationship. It went very well and he enjoyed much of it since he claimed it gave him the chance to cook for me.
Ive been the man in a past relationship, but sometimes its nice to be the girl in the relationship.
I think we split it sometimes, but basically, I'm the man =P. At least, that's what others tell me. Sean doesn't really fart, I do (at home) allll the time. Sean likes to stay completely dressed all the time, I get home- I get in my undies. He can't shut up talking, I hardly talk. He will whimper and nuzzle me to get attention, and I grab him and kiss him and go back to what I was doing to get attention. I'm messy with my food, he's very neat. And he probably spends more money going out than I do. He's more manly in that he works, and I don't, I'm just a student, and he hunts and fishes, and I don't. We split chores and cooking.
I would think it would also depend on the guy you're dating. In the past, I've dated Chinese guys who came to America when they were either in high school or college so their mentality was the they had to "wear the pants". But then I switched to American-born Chinese guys and they are more willing to help out.
The bf and I are evenly spaced out. We take turns cooking and cleaning. He wears the pants on topics that he has more knowledge and I do when it's about things I know more about. But at the end, we discuss it with each other first before any one of us takes action.
By the way, I am exactly the way you describe yourself in the article. I'm usually the one that wants alone time and I'm very opinionated with the bf. I don't clean or cook every day and make it clear that he has to help out.
i have always been the man in the relationship even though i am a very fragile, small and kind hearted person. i'm not sure why guys just put me in charge of everything, but i'm more of an "egalitarian" person & we both share the decisions, payments, conversations, etc...
I actually like the notion of teamwork better than who wears the "pants" or more dominant better. The loads and burdens should be share so that no one person get burned out, you know?
and I am actually quite actually to asian girls...maybe because I am asian too but I find them cute especially japanese girls.
i abhor references to the more detached partner as "the man" or the one "wearing the pants" because this supports the patriarchal notion that men should have power in the relationship. relationships shouldn't be about control anyway.
If my girlfriend wore the pants in the relationship, it would most likely be because she was more sensible than me.
I've often been "the man" in relationships, mainly because then men I was with were indecisive and irresponsible. In my current relationship, though, my man is THE man, and I find it incredibly appealing to be my feminine self.
Maybe the Asian guys were into you, but were too shy.
I think we're about equal, but I do a lot of the cooking and cleaning. That has a lot more to do with the fact that I'm at home with the kids all day (ok, so maybe he IS the man, but I spent more time in my career before having kids than he ever has) and that he's in the military and away a lot.
But as far as "manly" habits like loud talking and cursing.... yeah, we're DEFINITELY equal there.
I have very old-fashioned Chinese parents myself and I'll say that there's always a bit of a "times conflict" (not a cultural conflict, per se). They even suggested that I move back for a year or two to find a wife... and naturally I said, "hell no".
I don't want a traditional life with traditional gender roles where "the man" is the breadwinner and head of the household and the woman is the maid; the woman should have her own dreams and career, and housework should be done by both the man and the woman.
I'm pretty big on equality too which somehow "doesn't make sense" in relationships/marriages or so my parents say.
@greenglow28@xanga - totally agreed. same as my relationship, everything is equal :]
Why can't we both wear pants? Or skirts, if he's into that.
we're equall :) I have the more dominant personality though but still heh<3
i think it depends on the guys whether its a turn off. if the guy has a dominant personality, i doubt he would like it, whereas if he is really introverted, im sure hed be happy for the girl to "wear the pants"
I realized I was the man when my boyfriend started crying when we were talking after sex. I looked at him like a total wussy. It didn't last because that was a total turn off.
@greenglow28@xanga - I think we're the same person... Haha.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - agreed.
Um, my boyfriend is the man in the relationship. I'm the woman. Do we really have to sit down and analyze why that works? It's always worked like that... no need to change it.
@NightCometh@xanga - The OP is giving the definitions of the woman to be the one who "cooks and cleans" and the man to "wear the pants" (i.e. be the leader).
Yes we DO need to analyze it because times change. If it "always worked like that" then idealisms like equality and feminism should have never existed.
@Bbyphat22@xanga - Replace "nice to be the girl in a relationship" with "easier to be the girl in a relationship". :D