So I've been binging on
Dexter this past week and one of my favorite characters is Debra Morgan. She's actually quite charming with her crassness and her inappropriate choices in men.
However, her latest (well, technically not latest, considering how I'm only in season 2) man-of-the-moment happens to be Agent Lundy, who is basically her father's age. While I have my reservations about the age difference, I'm more uneasy about why she's attracted to him.
I think it's because he treats her like she wished her father did. He pays attention to her accomplishments and imparts his many life lessons upon her like little gems of wisdom. He praises her and listens to her. She seems to always be subliminally comparing him to her father, especially with respect to the sibling rivalry that exists between her and Dexter (which would have never existed if her father didn't seem to favor one over the other). When this older man comes into her life and gives her the preferential treatment that her father never did, she dumps the hot, sensitive, nice children's book illustrator (I mean...how can you do that to someone that makes little kids smile?) in favor of, well, another wonderful man, I suppose.
But still. You can definitely tell that it's because of her daddy issues that she wants him, and I just feel like that's a touch...wrong and unfair to both parties involved. And I just feel like it would never work in the long run.
And why do those emotions have to translate to something romantic? Can't it be platonic? What do you think about relationships based off of
Electra Complexes?
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Comments (25)
I just watched the first two seasons of the show, and, frankly, Debra irritates me.
I'm insensitive but she's a whiner.
I think it's ridiculous that, after I'm assuming she sees him as a father figure, she starts bangin' him. What's wrong with good ole friendship?
I think those types of relationships are doomed to failure (of course not all.. blah never say never) because the guy can't be both a FATHER (mature, wise.. blabla) and a romantic figure.
Plus, Lundy ISN'T her father, so at some point, he's going to fail in some way, by being something or not being something that her father was or wasn't.
It's not fair for him to have to be compared to her father.
This is just theoretically of course, since I've never known anyone in real life who was in a relationship like this.. who knows?
I just finished season four this last night.
Holy crap.. I wish I'd stopped at season 3....
I mean, 4 is a fantastic season.. but I just didn't want to know. eepeepeepeep....
I won't ruin it for you though, keep watching!
@JaydenWolf@xanga - i finished season four like a month ago and i'm still not over it. not even a little bit.
I don't know. I think that there are definitely issues involved that make someone who want someone as old as their father. But then you also have the Oedipal Complex with guys falling in love with guys old enough to be their mothers. Either way I think, with enough age difference, both parties are in different stages of their lives. How can it work. I've had to deal with the Oedipal Complex with a guy I was going to start dating. Turns out he was still in love with his 36 year old hook up buddy who was married and he is only 20. But hey in some cases it works, check out Catherine Zeta Jones and Micheal Douglas!
I think it can be platonic based on adhering to the traits of one's father and wanting approval from their father. I ascribe to this sense of the complex.
My most recent ex, while not anywhere close to the age of my father, was exactly like my father, in addition to having a good healthy dose of my mother thrown in. Was it creepy to be sleeping with someone that uncannily reminded you of both your parents? Yes, very much indeed, since it wasn't just attitudes, personality, and life choices, but also mannerisms and gestures that were extremely similar, if not the same as both of my parents. It kinda makes me wonder if I have a complex about my mother and my father....
But I'm also glad him and I broke up. He turned out to be a wicked scumbag, which is very much unlike either of my parents.
@Brittany - I KNOW I just want to cry! How can I even watch the next season if they bring one out??
When I read the title, I got a bit nervous, thinking, "Ok, where is this going to go?" But, thankfully, it didn't turn out to be about a blogger who is in love with her father.
Anyway, yeah, I'm sure those relationships can be platonic. However, I've read that men and women are usually sexually attracted to people who remind them of their parent of the opposite gender, so there probably aren't too many platonic relationships like that.
I agree with @quicksandbuddy's comment
Frigging Nora I think you're taking the show a little too seriously...go outside for a bit
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
meh, i can understand. i had a bad relationship with my father, and i do like to be cared for and nurtured, BUT being with older men makes me feel super insecure and childish. sooooo i like to date younger guys that still take care of me
either way, i do understand why women chose to do this. there's something reassuring about somebody willing to take care of you when you haven't gotten that anywhere else in your life
wow this really interests me, because a family member of mine goes with a much older man romantically. thanks for posting!
While she may have done it because of her subliminal father issues, I think she just liked him because for once, she found someone who was not a secret psycho killer, not a pothead, not a boring children's book writer, but someone who understands her job and her quirks and someone who can do more than just entertain her.
You wanna talk about her worst choice? I say Ice Truck Killer.
It's pretty normal to be involved with someone who is like your opposite sex parent. It's not the same as being sexually attracted to that parent. My husband is a lot like my dad and my uncle, (who were the main male role models growing up) in that he's hardworking, affectionate, smart, and sweet. He doesn't look anything like either one, and doesn't have the same mannerisms or anything weird like that.
Aren't a lot of the good husband qualities good father qualities as well?
I had a crush on an older man about twice my age. I think older men look hotter in suits. I just feel like I can lay on his shoulder and tell him things and he'll listen with more understanding since he is older and probably has been there before. I just feel more secure with an older man.
Okay... I'm confused. You're uneasy about why she's attracted to him? "He pays attention to her accomplishments" he gives her "gems of wisdom" "He praises her and listens to her" and you don't think those are good reasons? I wish ALL men treated me like this *don't we all?!* Daddy or no. Who cares if he's four times her age? They're both consenting adults and he treats her exactly as she wants to be treated, even if he's not hot or a writer.
I find that my emotions when I'm platonically doing well with someone evolve for me. Sex and love are linked. I wish they weren't sometimes, but they are. I think if I were close to someone too platonically and our circumstances were right I'd have no problems letting myself go on emotionally, and in fact might have a harder time trying to restrict them.
i preferred much guys who were older than me... like 8-10 years gap.. before i dated guys as the same with my age range, and its a wreck... they tend to be more childish than you,.. i believed that girls mature early... and to have "mature"guys is to date ahead of my age,
I fucking LOVE Debra! She's so strong-willed and independent, but she's still vulnerable at parts, which I adore about her.
@JaydenWolf@xanga - I agreee!! Season 4 was absolutely insane.
And did anyone know that Deb and Dexter are married in real life? SOoooo weird watching it and knowing now.
Annnnnd that Michael C. Hall (Dexter) has cancer but is in remission? I hope it stays that way!
@HappinessLovePeace@xanga - I knew about deb and dexter... i keep reminding my boyfriend how weird it is like I know some awesome secret. I guess I just didn't get the weirded out response I was hoping for hahaha.
But he has cancer????!! Now I'm even more sad lol.
@JaydenWolf@xanga - hahaha. I agree, it's weird watching him and Deb act, like its a huge secret knowing their actually married and not dependent on each other as brother and sister.
and he's in remission though, so hopefully it stays good :)
dexter is aweome! i've got seasons 1, 2 and 3 =)
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