I was reading a blog on Yahoo, titled 10 Ways To Find A Relationship In The New Year . Although the author makes very good points on this list, only one really stood out to me.
5. Don't Second Guess YourselfI've heard these words soo many times. And I've tried to stop myself from doing it but it just happens when I over-think things. I've done it every since my first boyfriend in 8th grade. I was young and naive. I was scared. But I had known the guy for more than a year so I gave it a chance. It obviously didn't work. Ever since then, I tend of over-think all my relationship or more like pre-relationships.
When I went off to college, I thought I found someone really special. Why did I think he was special? Because I didn't have to second guess myself. I knew I wanted to be with him. He was very different from the other guys I've liked. I knew he would be a positive influence on me. But when he pulled the "I think we are better off as friends" line on me, I was devastated. I have no idea what went wrong but instead of learning from this experience, I went back to second guessing every possible feeling I had for any other guys after him. It has affected any possible relationship I could've had.
Basically, I'm afraid that I'm going to get hurt again. I think that's the main reason why everyone second guesses themselves.
Do you second guess yourself? Has it hurt your love life?
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Comments (23)
I am the queen at second guessing EVERYTHING.
I am doing it right now, and i keep telling myself to just STOP and take it as it is.
I'm sad to say that the same has happened to me. I've been dumped by a great guy for absolutely no reason, and it made me doubt myself so much.
But, as I said on another blog, A fear of being hurt is a fear of living. If you keep yourself inside of a protective shell for too long, you won't be able to break free of it when you do find your SO.After that relationship, I suffered through emotionally abusive ones, ones that were just terrible, and one where I cried myself to sleep for months straight. I subjected myself to that hurt, though, because I knew that someone was out there who would make up for all of it. And that person turned out to be my current boyfriend. Yes, being hurt blows. But don't let it keep you from the good in your future.I've second guessed myself plenty of times before ... and my friends would always encourage me. "Well, if you really think that, then why bother? Let's go out, get drunk and find some boys".
Since that last fiasco, I've gotten a whole new group of friends, and before I got into a relationship with my boyfriend, I second guessed myself. My friends this time told me to suck it up and give it a try, as I had nothing to lose.
Of course I was afraid of getting hurt, but I think I just needed that little push.
Right now, I would never change my boyfriend for anyone else. I wouldn't even think of it.
I hope you can someday stop second-guessing yourself, or get someone to give you the encouragement you need (:
Yes i have and its only made a mess of things because i dont know if im doing the right thing or not.
Im with someone new now, but im sweating bullets because im scarred im going to get hurt again or the other way around. I know its a part of life... just dont want to go through the pain of loosing someone again.
I try to have a positive attitude and think that the guy is different from the other guys, but they tend to disappoint me
sometimes I feel like the guy doesn't give his 100% effort, so why should I. if I don't invest my entire life savings so to speak, then I won't be as hurt
Past experiences made me insecure about relationships. I think it gets harder and harder to love the more negative experiences I have. Thankfully he understands and he deals with my insecurities. Maybe we don't need to change ourselves, maybe we just need someone who knows how to handle and can deal with our little insecurities amongst other flaws.
I'm very similar to you in a way. I finally found a guy that I knew I wanted to be with, who I wasn't scared to be in a relationship with, who I truly thought I could love. I always second guess myself when it comes to men, once they say they like me, I'm unsure if I like them anymore. That's the fear I guess. Anyways, the guy in the beginning of my comment, we dated off and on for about two years. Total asshole, but like I said, I was crazy about him. He told me he was gay not so long ago, and that devastated me. To make matters worse, he lied about being gay so he wouldnt have to commit. I found that out last night. After him, I always compare him to other guys I'm with. I always second guess myself, and I don't know why. It's something I need to change.
I've second guessed myself since my last relationship. Right now I'm just trying to let it flow and if it happens, it happens, and it will be because it fell into the right place. When I second guess myself it just makes things to confusing and messes everything up.
Usually, if I feel like I am going to second guess myself, I do it or not. Second guessing is a cloud that looms over you, when you ought to be making moves based on the benefits.
This is the current problem I am facing. I second guess every single thing in my life. I don't really know how to fix it or how to even begin working on it.
I do this all the time and it makes me so mad at myself but I can never change it.
This is my exact problem. I've been hurt too much that I'm to the point that I don't want to try anymore. My second guess is always "don't even try" these days.
Second-guessing myself is my second nature. I'm planning on changing it this year. Let's see how that goes. haha
Don't you hate that? haha
Next time, we should all go for our first thoughts.
I have second guessed myself, and I didn't trust the last guy I was "seeing."
I talked about my lack of trust, and now I feel silly about it. Maybe I can't trust him, maybe I can, I don't know, but I do feel silly for being SO PARANOID. Now I don't feel like everyone is out to get me. I know people have to earn my trust, but I don't see people as "lying cheating manipulative bastards" anymore. I see them as trustworthy.
I second guess everything.. I think women are prone to this behavior...
Specially since we're the ones who get really heart broken and shit..
Its ok. Lets just blame it on the men. =]
in the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take, the
relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too
long to make.
though i don't want to admit it, the devastating
break-up with my first serious girlfriend has affected my relationships
(or the lack of it) even long after i've moved on. i've always been
second guessing and over thinking my feelings to the point of being in
denial sometimes. it's scary, but i guess eventually we all should
overcome that fear of being hurt, coz maybe that's what's holding us
back from finding happiness.
hmm...i used to do this. i thought it hurt my love life. i broke up with my first boyfriend- who i dated for several years, and he wanted to marry me!- because i wasn't sure. for almost five years and through several other relationships, i was afraid that was a mistake. i thought i'd never find someone like him again.
then i met my current boyfriend, who is everything i was looking for in my wildest fantasies and more. everything fell into place- i am finally over the first guy, and i know that breaking up with him wasn't a mistake, it was what i had to do, because the guy i'm with now is so perfect for me. i never would have met him if i hadn't second-guessed all along. so now i feel like it's a warning signal against mediocre relationships rather than a personal flaw.
just food for thought
@SFPD_PursuitZ77@xanga - I went through this phase lately..
Eventually you just get so sick of it you wait for them to come to you, but then that day never comes..
i guess the key is to not be afraid and get back up .. not let things hurt u .. im trying with that!
@JennyGee@xanga - aw congrats!!!! i wish that happend to me .. just waiting to find mr. right!
Self-confidence is attractive. Second-guessing yourself will only make you doubt the person you are.
i mean in a way i think almost everyone second guess themselves a lot. i know i do. esp when it comes down to whether something [or rather, someone] is right for me or not