Sunday, 10 January 2010
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Were We Talking About The Same Guy?
Have you're friends ever told you about a sweet guy you'd like, but as it turns out, in person he's a little less than great? Ever wonder if your friends had either a) lied to you or b) told you the wrong info on the wrong guy?
I'm in this pickle right now. I met this seemingly shy guy (we'll call him Q) at a party, but didn't really talk to him much. Maybe a couple of days later, he contacts me and we begin to hit it off, finding out we have a lot in common. I then realize that he's one of my friend's ex, which sent out a big red flag to me. So I slowed down a little, but Q seemed to continue to flirt and in addition, my friend gave me the OK. My friend even gave me the inside scoop and said that he's a real sweetheart and one of the nicest guys she knows.
Here's where it gets messy. One night, after we had talked on the phone, I was checking my Facebook before I went to bed. And lo and behold, on my news feed, I see that Q had just recently listed himself as "In a Relationship" with another girl. Of course, I wasn't devastated because I was just getting to know the guy, but it left me a little confused.
He was flirting with me, wasn't he? If he was going to date a girl, why would he start flirting with another girl on the side? Would a supposed sweetheart do that?
Datingish, your posts have helped me loads in the past, but I need some sort of explanation on this one.
And I'd like to know if you've ever been given seemingly false dating information from your friends.
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- From: anonymish
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Comments (28)
Ask him about it. Not that he'd tell the truth, but eh, who knows.
A lot of times people just perceive each other differently.
This probably wasn't all that helpful, lol. Sorry :)
Once, my friend tried to hook me up with another friend of hers, saying he was so nice and cool.. Not even close. He turned out to be a huge creep (Seriously, he hired someone to have me followed to make sure I wasn't hanging out with my ex. CREEPER.) When I told her of this, she said "Oh, yeah, he gets that way.." Um, what?! It was way too late to tell me then!
But yeah, definitely only believe what you see from someone. Maybe he'd changed since she last knew him that well? I'd find out the intentions of your friend (: good luck.
i agree just ask him a bout or bring it up in casual conversation. i mean it's not like no one reads the profiles right? if he put it there for people to see why not ask?
@TheRealMelanie@xanga - oh wow..... i've known guys like that and got rid of em i don't hang around when i get bad vibes and i don't like creepy people. plus idk about you, but i can't stand being policed. brings out the rebellious streak in me.
Some guys just like to flirt. I have a male friend who flirts with pretty much every girl he encounters (including me), even when he's in a relationship.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFnKgIptbq0
people flirt for no reason other than to feel good/better about themselves.
:/ i disagree with that morality of that mentality but it is the world we live in.
sometimes friends want to see one another burn... might want to ask about it."a good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend is sitting next to you saying 'we fucked up' "other times maybe she had a different experience... i still say you should inquire about it.
maybe the "in a relationship" status is to tell other girls to back off because he is interested in someone and that someone could possibly be you. unless he specifically said the other girl's name and she leaves flirty messages on his facebook, then he'd be a jerk. just ask him to clear things up.
Maybe you're not what he's looking for, and thought you were a friend.
Flirting is such a general term. I ''flirt'' with some of my friends who are girls, but it's only because to me they're friend material and not girlfriend material.
maybe he was on the fence about you versus her
no a supposed sweetheart would not.
LoL maybe he wasn't flirting, maybe he was just *overly* friendly! LoL!
Honestly, sometimes friends suck ass when it comes to hooking you up with others. (sometimes)
Sounds like he was innocently flirting with you, I've done that before.
Just ditch him and move on.
Maybe what you thought was flirting wasn't. Maybe he was interested in you, and met someone else instead. And a "supposed sweetheart" might have been talking to two people at once, which doesn't make them bad, he wasn't dating either. So yes a "supposed sweetheart" might.
Nobody knows why he did what he did besides him. Ask him if you want, but you might not like the answer you get (like he wasn't ever flirting with you) or no answer at all.
@TheRealMelanie@xanga - haha. nice excuse "um, yeah he gets that way." reminds me of a guy i dated except he was all like "i want to kill you, watch your blood flow and know i did it! because i love you and i dont want anyone else to have you, if i can't." &, it's so odd because he was never like that before.
maybe she didn't know what he was. how bad was he flirting?
"I then realize that he's one of my friend's ex, which sent out a big red flag to me."
umm.. clue?
Which ranks up there with "Never date someone you work with."
COSTANZA! hahah C:
i think i'm being led on too -_- i don't want to be too disappointed when he asks another girl out.... meh.
Lol, there can be many sides to a person, and maybe you're acquainted with a not-so nice side, or you see different things about them that your friends don't see, I found that out the hard way. One of my exes was well known for being one of the sweetest friends you could have, AND for having some of the nastiest break-ups in the school. Weird combo right? Here's why, his preferred method of ending his relationships was to already have another girl ready (usually one who didn't know he was already dating someone), make his relationship official with her, and cease all communication with the person who was his girlfriend the day before. Then he'd tell everyone that the reason he dated the ex in the first place was because she liked him and he didn't want to hurt her feelings. He did that to me 5 years ago and his method is still working now and he's kept all of his friends. I can laugh about it now.
The moral of my anecdote is that there are people that don't deserve your attention, drop them and move on.
@prettyboy78@xanga - I totally agree with this comment. And I like that you kept saying "supposed sweetheart."
I don't think your friends lied to you but what they think is the date from heaven you might think is the date from hell lol so go by what you think & feel.
maybe the guy just acts different around each girl
i had the opposite happen to me. some people would tell me that some guy is an assjerk, but when i met him i found him funny and charming. o_O i give my friends the benefit of the doubt, i.e. maybe they're biased because of a bad experience with the guy or something. i don't knowwww you'll just have to make your own judgments, you can't always trust your friends' perspectives--not that they'd intentionally lie but maybe their views are different than yours on what "cocky" or "sweet" or "hilarious" or "charismatic" is. you can't always believe what you hear. that's foolish.
It could be multiple things.
He could have just changed from when your friend dated him, he may have found someone else when you backed off, or he could have just been on the prowl for the right girl. etc. (Hah, didn't mean to make the last one sound so creepy..)