Saturday, 09 January 2010
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Women Being Too Aggressive in Bed?
I have always been very strait forward with my boyfriend from the start when we were dating. When we were just friends we talked about things we both liked in bed. I flat out told him in intricate details what I liked.(we were very close friends, even when I had another boyfriend.) After we became an official couple, he was the one usually initiating the sex or chasing me around wanting me all the time. Even though he initiated 99 percent of the sex, I was very aggressive in bed with him and he made a point of telling me how hot he thought it was when I was that way. After that I started initiating the sex more.
Now it seems I am the only one who starts anything, unless it's a quick morning session, that really has no passion at all. I talked to him about this and he said it's because I never give him enough time to start wanting me bad enough on his own. He says I'm always jumping his bones and telling him what I want. As of lately, I have been talking about wanting to try new things in bed, which I would want to do anyway, but I started bringing it up lately thinking it would make him initiate sex with me more.
I seriously, feel very insecure now....and I have always been a girl who is very secure with myself in & out of bed. I am glad we talked and so now I am going to let him "chase" after me again, but now I am scared to ever initiate sex with him again or even tell him what I want. When we have sex, yes, it's great, but now I feel like there is some sort of giant elephant in the mist of our sex life. I just hope something like this doesn't end up bringing down our relationship. Together our relationship is amazing on every other level. This is hard and stressing me out. I hope by letting him have a chance to chase me more, things can go back to normal, and we can both initiate sex whenever....and this will all seem like nothing.
Anyone have any advice for me? Maybe, I just took his compliment about me being aggressive too far. There should be a healthy balance to everything I feel.
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- From: roxybabe1623@xanga
- Name: roxybabe1623
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Comments (23)
whatever you do don't stress! its not worth that energy... sounds like things are great and yea you might have taken it a little too far but im the same way! im practically horny all the time! maybe you should just give him time to initiate something... maybe he needs a moment to feel more manly like just taking you when you least expect it. and if you havent initiated anything for awhile and he hasn't either then talk to him about it because there is an issue. but believe or not some guys aren't horny or needing sex 24/7. good luck! and dont feel bad for wanting it or starting it all the time. its normal and guy every where wish they had a girl like you willing to jump them all the time!
Aggressive girls are hot, and I'm sure I would go crazy for a girl who initiated, but that hasn't happened for me yet. I guess it's a matter of balance, though, like you said.
It'll be okay...when this is a bit behind you you'll feel less insecure about it, and who initiates the most will balance out a little.
That said--does he realize he can say no? Or slow it down...foreplay can be fantastic for turning "kinda horney" into "OMFG WANT NOW."
short of raping the guy, you can't be too aggressive.
I'm in the same boat. In the beginning, it was him wanting to have sex, because I was practically a virgin (after two awkward times with my exes). Once we did it the first time, I loved every aspect of being emotionally and physically connected, and couldn't believe how much I was missing out on all these years. Now, after about a year and almost 4 months, seems like I'm the one that's always wanting it. I feel like a freak, needless to say. I talk to him about it, and I know logically it's his work stressing him out, causing him to not sleep well, and if he eats bad or drinks a bit much in a given week, or doesn't exercise, that's what causes him to not want it. It is weird seeing a guy want it less than you do, especially when you're both in your twenties. It is frustrating, getting shot down 90% of the time. And you either wait for him, or "finish" yourself off, via vibrator or whatever. And, don't even get me started when I'm on my cycle. He won't even dare touch me then. Gragh...then it's like, welp gotta wait a week...
It definitely is a matter of balance. I do realize I need to let him have some time to want and chase me. But it's so hard to wait! Arg.
Just don't think about it. If you do give him some time he will come around. :)
in order to make him chase you instead of the other way around, you gotta give him an opening ;]
idea number 1, knowing what time he wakes up and his morning routine. Wear a apron and NOTHING ELSE! and just sound normal when talking to him, not hinting anything :D ACT INNOCENT! of course I would imagine this only works if you're normally dressed ~_~ if you being naked is a common scene when you're not having sex then it really degrades a man's fantasies.
ok I dont have any other ideas xD but anyways... playful innocence is the key to a man's heart+boner, if you're just being slutty then you'll only get the boner ~_~'' oh its also great to suddenly kiss him passionately(when hes not busy) then go away and do your own stuff ;) I call it sensual lure and build up.
It is not a good thing if his sexual drive has dropped. Is everything else okay in the relationship? This would could be a bad indicator.
Sweetie, you gotta learn how to initiate it without initiating it! Give it a little time for things to cool down a bit, and when/if you feel up to it, try this: Play hard to get. Dress up in heels and lingere, do your make-up, then claim that it's part of your "new years resolution" to feel even sexier in your own skin. Flaunt your bedroom eyes while sipping a glass of wine and stroking your collarbone, teasing the hell out of him. When you feel you've kept him waiting long enough, tell him, on quote "Well, it's been a long day, I should probably get some sleep", and as you stand up to walk to the bedroom, whisper directly in his ear "unless you can give me a reason to stay awake . . . " (you might even consider a playful ear nibble at this point). Bonus points: after he follows you to the bedroom, make him keep his hands to himself as you slowly remove your lingere. Once he can't keep his hands off you anymore, try giving him a little more control over the main event (but make sure you're still satisfied). See, this way you can still be agressive regarding getting what you want when you want it, but he'll ultimately feel that he made the decision to be intimate. Just remember, whenever there's any problem to the sexual aspect of a relationship, stress can only intensify the problem. As long as you care about each other I'm sure you can both find some fun, creative ways to find the healthy balance you're looking for ;)
I completely understand how that could make you feel insecure and almost, well, unwanted (even though I doubt that's the case) see how everything unfolds with time
It'll smooth out and we'll reach some sort of equilibrium eventually -- you will too! The main thing is that you're talking. Don't psych yourself out.
@Shattered_Reflection13@xanga - ....DAAAAMMMMMNNNNNN.
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga What, you haven't had a girl dedicated enough to apply cosmo's tips to your sex life? If not, it's time to raise your standards lol ;)
@happygolucky2169@xanga - Thanks for commenting! Well, we have talked more and I have actually been making myself relax more, so things seem to already be better. :) I am staying away from him this weekend and it's basically working wonders. He can't wait to see me on Monday!
@tavatava@xanga - Yeah....I think more girls just need to be comfortable with themselves and confident to be more aggressive when it comes to initiating sex. I guess I just took it over board. I figured out he needs to feel like a man and miss me a little in that way to come after me more....*cheers to healthy balances.* lol. Thanks for commenting & good luck on finding your girl!
@ThisUserNameIsAvaliable@xanga - Thanks for the advice it sounds good. :) Haha. I hate pants, so if I am not naked when it's just him & I, I am in my undies & shirt usually...but i tend to wear dresses so I guess that doesn't happen as often either...only when I wear jeans.
@Shattered_Reflection13@xanga - Thanks. That all sounds great.
I kind of had a similar situation a while ago. Basically, my sex drive is usually about twice as much as my husband's, and I would end up initiating things all the time because I wanted some. But then, like you mentioned, I would start feeling upset because he was never chasing me or initiating anything and was, I felt, taking for granted that I was almost always in the mood.
So I talked to him and he pointed out that it's awesome if I want to initiate things all the time, but that if I want him to I have to have to stop "jumping" him a couple times a day. So now I try to balance things out a little more evenly and things are going great.
usually whoever has the higher sex drive in a relationship is the one that ends up initiating sex more. when me and my boyfriend didn't live together, we initiated sex about the same, because we didn't see each other that often alone. now that we live together, i think he starts it about 90% of the time just because his sex drive is so much higher then mine!
so don't feel too insecure, it may just be that your sex drive is that much higher LOL (i am jealous of your sex drive in that case!!)
@TheLuckiestWomanEver@xanga - Well, it's really great to hear someone has a similar story that I do and that what I am doing now has worked for someone else. Thanks so much. :)
@SeitekiChibiNeko@xanga - Haha don't be jealous, it can be annoying sometimes.
i've never heard a guy ever say being aggressive was a bad thing in bed before. that's a first one for me. maybe you guys just misunderstood one another that's all.
My boyfriend of 3 years told me I'm too aggressive. I can't tell you how much this bothered me. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I get 'hit on' pretty often. I was fuming. We always have sex whenever he wants to but when I want to, he is either tired or not in the mood. I could punch his face right now.