Saturday, 09 January 2010
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But He's My Best Friend!!
I read a Datingish post about tips to find "The One." I had one to add, but I felt it was important enough to write about on its own.
How many of you young ladies (or men, though I've not often heard of it the other way around...) have gone through significant other after significant other but just can't seem to get it right? You go through the same thing over and over, and when happily ever after goes "oh so wrong," You go crying to that ONE special person.
The forever friend-zoned opposite sex friend.
You think "sure, they're attractive... and they're my best friend... but I could never date them, they're like... my brother, or something." And all the while, they're pining over you and taking care of you... doing what's right for you and taking care of your problems while you sit there wondering what's going wrong.
We all want someone to take care of us. Love is selfless, love is blind, love is patient. You want to know what real love is? Real love is what that friend is doing for you. Real love is doing what is best for you when what's best for you destroys everything they've ever wanted, or envisioned.
It's easy to feel like intimate times would be awkward with them because you're so close, but think about 10-20 years from now. Do you want to live without them? Question yourself this and do not take it lightly. It's not all about that initial spark. Love requires dedication. It requires patience. It requires that closeness that you can't get from a random stranger.
I'm not telling all of you Datingish readers that your best friend is the one for you, but I'm asking you for your own sake to take a moment and think about what you need in your life; who makes you feel better when you're down, who gives you hope for the future when you're let down by the one you're supposed to be getting it from. Sometimes a little bit of optimistic support is all you need.
Just a little friendly advice from the woman that is now head over heels in love with the man that supported her for the last two years without question and without anything in return. There's nothing wrong with letting him provide your fairy tale happy ending!
Thoughts?
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- From: anonymish
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Comments (73)
can no one ever be JUST friends? seriously?
not everyone has a best friend of their attracted sex that they treat like crap. also, i'm currently dating my best friend, and i hope it works out, but relationships are all about risk, arent they?
I married my best friend too. It made for a wonderful long happy marriage. Rough times now but due to his injury not because we stopped being friends. I think many women are afraid to date a friend because they know that if they break up they not only lose a lover but a friend as well so the breakup is twice as hard.
I like this point of view. I'm currently in a sort of situation where I'm debating whether I like this guy or just want to be friends...this kinda spoke to me. He's a really good, caring guy, why not go for it?
Ha! I'm in a current relationship now, but in High School, I was that man in "friend zone" hell. 'Twas not fun. Sooner of later the guy who's just a friend might just run out of patience and move on from taking care you to his own personal affairs. Then we'll see where your security blanket goes.
My best friend has been there for me through so much the past few years. I've been there for him, just as much, watching girls hurt him and use him, etc. He's joining the Army now, and I don't know what I'm going to do without him. I just know that I can't picture life without him in it. Don't want to.
I'm going to have to work fast.
If you've seen that one Patrick Dempsey movie where he crashes his best friends wedding because he realizes he is in love with her, that's the guy thing you haven't heard of ;D
@softaswater@xanga - The trick to being just friends is knowing exactly what you want out of a man, and sticking with that. Everyone else is friend material. I have a high recognition for girls I could be just friends with, no problem.
The one I'm with and my best friend have always been, more or less, the same person.
yeh.i broke up with my ex and this guy - has never fail to be there for me, and to pick me up after i fall - he's my best friend - but now....its different :) you only see things different when something happens :)
usually friendship does develop into something deeper but in my case, as i'm getting older, a friend is just a friend (opposite sex of course). nothing more nothing less. and i have no problem letting the person know my feelings towards that person so even IF it were to develop into something, i'd have no problem confessing my feelings.
I realized this about 2 years ago. He annoys the living hell outta me
half the time but when I'm around him I always have this goofy smile on
my face. I love being around him, being in his life. Idk. We've been
friends for about 4 or more years. We talk almost every other day and
we're always hanging out. I know I can be happy with him. It's just the
question could he be happy with me?
I'm still very much friend-zoned. Dammit. -_-
"Real love is doing what is best for you when what's best for you destroys everything they've ever wanted, or envisioned."
If that's what love is, I sure as hell don't want anyone to ever be in love with me.
Relationships CAN NOT WORK like that. It is an unfair burden to place on someone if you are constantly putting yourself aside from them. In a relationship both parties need to be able to take care of themselves. I'm not saying that you should be inconsiderate to your SO, but you need to allow their well-being to be their own responsibility, and they should do the same for you. Then through open communication you find compromises where what one person wants is different then what the other person wants.
for me i have a hard time with a guy friend turning into more. in my mind a guy friend almost becomes a brother, always there for me when i get hurt or just wanna have some stupid fun playing beer pong or pool or darts or something like that. if a guy breaks up with me and says lets be friends, i can change them into the friend category but they will never be able to go back to being more. i know it can work for some people but im not sure if it would work for me.
my best friend is now my boyfriend.
I don't think it will ever change... I knew him for five years before we ever dated. I knew him, his family, his values. I knew that I liked everything he stood for, and that it's unlikely to change; I don't ever see there being a reason for me not to love him. I won't be that naive; things happen. but I think we're close enough that we can work through them. I plan to be with him for a long, long time...
@Blinkrcks6@xanga - http://www.datingish.com/719752484/the-nice-guy-doesnt-get-the-girl-because/
@xa06@xanga - No you're not. He just doesn't have the courage to let you know that he likes you. =p
haha i hav been in that situation so many times its no fun anymore. and i do have this one friend who is exactly how u described, i mean, i think my family has already adopted him into the family and they always ask how he is and if we'll ever properly get together but for me, i know the definate answer is NO. there are many reasons to back me up on this answer, one being that i already tried that path and it didnt work. i really do wish i had feelings for him because not only is he my best friend, he is perfect really, hes in uni, got a job, levelheaded etc etc etc but for me, i just cant >.<
i do feel really mean to him but i always make it clear so im not leading him on, its just that he wont seem to move on and i know when he DOES find a girl, i will probably be abit jealous if that is the right word to use but i know thats only because iv had him to myself for so long, and not because im secretly madly in love with him lol.
i'm the girl that gets friend-zoned, not the other way around. i'm always willing to look at my best guy friends (i tend to have more of those than girl friends) as "potential" without ruining the friendship. they're just not always thinking the same way about me...
i have something just like this. we've known each other for the past 7 years and i had been like completely head over heels for this kid. everyone thought he use to "like me like me" (HAHA), his friends my friends everyone use to tell me and we'd kind bounce back and forth but nothing ever happened more than that between us.
other than that, we use to tell each other everything and talk every day like religiously.
but now we don't talk AS much except for problems that we know the other one would be the only one to understand. he went away for college and i stayed home.
a year ago we made a promise to each other to basically have sex after college (we were both virgins then and we aren't now).
we'd flirt all the time and there is INTENSE chemistry between us, but one or both of us always has a significant other.
whenever i end something with a current SO it makes me feel better to be able to drop back on the fantasy of being with this guy some day (not to sound like a total creeper).
we always have this weird way of ended up in the same place at the same time. it's almost kind of frightening. im not one to believe in "meant to be together" scenerios, but its scary how much me and this guy are drawn together.
so i dunno, you just reminded me of it. so i had to go with it :P
@Blinkrcks6@xanga - If a guy was only friends with me because he liked me and then ditched me because he was "just a friend" to me, then he's an ass and that's no loss for me.
I love him, and too chicken to find out if he loves me. I think he doesn't love me, anyhow. If I told him how I felt I might lose him, and I can't stand the thought of losing him, living without him. He's going through such a hard time, too *weep*
I have issues :P
I get you, but at the same time, I still get why some girls can't date the best guy friend.
this post brought me to tears.