Seriously, what is the point of a long term relationship? I believe everything you need to know about a person can be found out within the span of a couple months, meaning 2-5 months. Relationships shouldn't be much longer than that because then it seems like you lose interest, or you start to question things, or if your in college, then it becomes a long distance relationship, he's over 2,000 miles away and you want some instant gratification, so you might go and cheat, thinking he'll never know, or he might cheat on you. There's also the whole idea of regret, if you have any scruples about sex before marriage, and you have sex, then there is that possibility. Or if you have kids together, what's going to happen to them if you break up? There's alot of things to think about with a long term relationship.
My solution, either get married, or do something short term. I mean if your only in it for the sex or the hookup why keep dating for years on end. Or if you really love someone, go ahead and get married. Except when your in college, and most of the time its a long distance relationship, and with long distance relationships the temptation to stray is higher, I know this because I was in one a few years back. Go back to being friends while your away from each other and when your out of college reevaluate the situation and then see about dating. Priorities change when your in college, what you wanted when your a teenager will obviously change as you get older
I think long term relationships are a bad idea, because if you break up after long term, the heartbreak is going to be more, the pain more intense because you spent so much time and energy in a relationship just to see it fall apart. Short term, yeah the pain is real, its harsh but you move on so much faster. Marriage, that's an even better idea, I got married after knowing my husband only 4 months, and we have been married almost a year and we're still going strong. Some might say short term leads to a higher level of divorce, and sometimes it might but if your committed to one person and you want to make it forever then go short term and get married. Just say no to long term relationships, you might thank me later.
Your thoughts, do you like long term relationships, or do you prefer short term and marriage?
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Comments (191)
My problem with your line of thought is the assumption that things will fail.
Will they likely fail? Yes, but that's not the point.
Part of the thrill is seeing how things work out, whether it be for bad, or for worse. I wouldn't even bother with a relationship at all, not even short term ones, if I automatically assumed there was no way it would ever lead somewhere meaningful.
And that's another thing: just because something doesn't last forever, doesn't mean it wasn't meaningful or worth it.
isn't a marriage a just legally (and/or religiously) sanctioned long-term relationship? you presume relationships without the title will fail, and you also assume that everyone wants a "marriage."
Also, I feel the need to point out that a year of marriage is hardly a position in life in which you could be giving any kind of meaningful advice about marriage or long term relationships. Not trying to be rude, but 'going strong' after a year of marriage isn't any strong indicator of anything. Things can fall apart at the drop of a hat.
i think that with in a year of dating that you should move forward, become engaged and marry or commit to being with eachother. lone engagements over a year, just dont make since to me.
mmmm . . . not really . i don`t think you can decide if you wanna be with that person every waking moment for the rest of your life within less than half a year . . . 2-5 months , the relationship is still new & sparks are still there . . . . after 2 years or so , you can tell if it`s gonna work , like i said , every day for the rest of your life . . . soooo . . .
@An_iLL_Dispositi0n@xanga - Completely agree with that. They're probably still in some sort of honeymoon phase. The fun hasn't even begun yet :P
Not every one is going to cheat in college. And I'm sorry your logic sucks. My last realtionship lasted for about a year, to your standards this is long term. But we fell apart. If we had gotten married after being together for a few months then we would have had to deal with a divorce. Also most people dont know if they are in love after only a couple of months. For you this might work but in my world and the people around me it doesnt. As for the heart break. I have been hurt after dating a guy for a month and dating a guy for a year the hurt is still there and are on the same level.
i've been dating my boyfriend for 15 months..i would NEVER go into a marriage where our "courtship" didn't last at least a couple of years..like 2 or 3...hell maybe even 4 or 5..i dont think you can wait a few months..then "take a chance" and get married...
I suppose it's different for everyone..i'm just extremely picky with everything..that includes finding and claiming the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with..
Personally, I wouldn't date someone for six months and under and say, "Hey, let's get married." I'm not saying it's a bad idea for those who did. More power to them. I'm just saying I would like to date a person for xxx amount of time until we both are ready financially wise and all the other good stuff. Whose to say you'll know a person more in the amount of time you date them or don't? You really never know a person until you're living with them day to day and night to night. The relationship is what you make out of it. It don't matter how long or short you date that person. It's just naive the way you think of it.
I couldn't disagree with this post more.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - I couldn't have said it better myself. I don't see the logic in her argument at all
My two cents:
What's the difference between a marriage and a long term relationship if you can get a divorce at the end of the day when things don't work out?
If I decide not to have kids, I won't bother getting married either. I don't want my future partner to be with me because of a marriage certificate/out of obligation. I want to him to be with me because he wants to. If one day he chooses to leave, I'll let him go. Breaking up is a lot less complicated than getting a divorce.
If kids are involved, however, I'd get married, because then I'd need the commitment from my partner to have a family together.
I believe in long-term, as opposed to short-term, when the idea of marriage enters the scene. My ex-fiancée and I were together nearly three years before it fell apart, and a mere year before that nobody would have known there was anything wrong. (In other words, even though you may be married, you'd still have to make it another year and a half just to say it could outlast at least this one example where it failed. And believe me, I was nothing short of committed to her.)
In fact, I'd argue that you can't really get to know a person until they truly become comfortable around you, and that doesn't take place for at least 6-7 months, usually longer. If you can't really get to know them, by extension, you cannot know if you truly want to dedicate your entire life to them.
Marrying within a couple months, to me, is stupid. It might work for you, and if it does, more power to you...but I don't believe in it, at least not in general.
An_iLL_Dispositi0n@xanga - Very true, why go into a relationship if you feel there's a chance of failure. Who cares how long the relationship is, as long as it makes both people happy. Even if it does end, we learn from heartbreak. There's no way we can avoid it. From every relationship you learn a little bit more about what you're truly looking for in a person.
@modernjane@xanga - I second your opinion.
I'm sorry, but I think this post was incredibly ignorant.
"I believe everything you need to know about a person can be found out within the span of a couple months, meaning 2-5 months." - REALLY? 2-5 months?? You could be with someone for 5 months and think everythings great, then find out they've been screwing someone else behind your back. The length of time you've "known" someone has nothing to do with how well you know them. It's about how much you trust them and let them into your life. Plus, I don't believe you really know someone if you haven't lived with them, no matter how long you dated.
"Relationships shouldn't be much longer than that because then it seems like you lose interest, or you start to question things, or if your in college, then it becomes a long distance relationship, he's over 2,000 miles away and you want some instant gratification, so you might go and cheat, thinking he'll never know, or he might cheat on you." - Not everyone lacks the self control to stop themselves from cheating, and not everyone is a raging sex fiend who craves it from random people when their significant other is away. If you really "love" someone, you're not just going to lose interest because you don't get to see them everyday. Trust is important for a relationship to work, and this is the perfect way to test that trust. If you can't stop yourself from fucking everyone while you're away at college, that's not going to change the type of person you are just because you get married. If you're a cheater, you're a cheater and that's that.
"Or if you have kids together, what's going to happen to them if you break up? There's alot of things to think about with a long term relationship. " You can get pregnant the first time you have sex with someone, so this doesn't really have anythign to do with long term relationships, but aside from that fact, are you saying people just shouldn't have kids? Ever? People who get married and have kids can get divorced, too.
"My solution, either get married, or do something short term." - Yeah.. because getting married automatically guarantees that everything will stay great forever, and nobody ever cheats when they're married, and divorice doesn't usually bankrupt people and cause far larger problems than it would to people who simply dated for years.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - My thoughts exactly. I'm sure the people who have never married (or can't marry) and are in long term relationships that have beaten most marriages in terms of length would vehemently disagree with this post.
Wow, quite the pessimist aren't you? Long term relationships are possible, but you have to be a positive person for it to work.
Learn the difference between "your" and "you're" before ever attempting to write again. :)
@crystaldurden@xanga - And a big ditto.
If you are referring to couples who have been actual good friends for a long time and already know each other inside and out, good and bad, before they date, then yes I agree there isn't a need to date for a long time. Because they already know what they're getting themselves into and if they know it's what they want. However, I have to say that this is very often not the case.
I think you have to consider the other factors that come into long term relationships. Is the couple financially ready to get married? Are they at the same stages of life? Can the couple's individual circumstances work together after getting married? For example if the couple is not yet finished with school and they plan to become long distance for a while, they are not yet ready to get married.
And like someone stated, just because a long term relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean that it wasn't meaningful or that it wasn't worth it.
I would also like to point out that marriage is a long term relationship. In fact, it's for the rest of your life. Unless you cannot commit without marriage, I don't see why it matters how long someone dates before getting married, or whether they get married at all. People value marriage differently, but I won't go into that right now.
I'm sorry, but this post shows how ignorant you are. Long term relationships CAN work, if you put in the EFFORT, and TRUST each other.
ignorant. i'll just leave it at that. i can't even begin to explain why i disagree with you so strongly.