Friday, 08 January 2010
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The Name Game
Okay I don't know if this is weird for anyone else but it feels strange for me. Tomorrow night I have a date with a cute writer... named Nick. For those of you who are not aware my ex boyfriend's name is Nick. I realize that Nick is a common name and the two are in no way related at all but... it feels weird.
Nick and I dated for a year and a half. He verbally and emotionally abused me. Thanks to his drug and alcohol problem he was physically violent with me more than once. Every now and then I still think I can feel the spot where I had a bruise from being slammed into a door and hitting the handle. Every now and then I still remember what his hand feels like slamming into my face.
That's not all I remember though. I remember the feeling of his name on my tongue. The way it felt to say "I love you Nick". My mouth remembers calling out his name in bed. I remember how it felt to yell at him and to make up and say sweet things and all with his name.
Now tomorrow night I'm going out with another Nick. I will feel myself saying that name again in a different context. I cannot help but feel strange about it.
Has anyone else felt this or experienced this? How would you feel if you were dating someone with your ex's name?
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- From: JanetDart@xanga
- About Me: I've always loved Sex and the City and with recent ridiculous developments in the lives of me and my dear, darling friends I decided it was most definitely time to start blogging. I hope you enjoy laughing at our lives as much as my friends and I do.
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Comments (22)
haha at least it'll be easier to remember, you won't ever get in trouble for calling him your ex's name.Â
this has never happenend to me but i can imagine it must feel strange at first, but i dont think u shud rule this guy out because of ur past as this nick might b everythin the old nick wasnt and in the end ul hav good memories accosiated to the name nick from now on, hope this helps a little, hav a good time on ur date xx
i dated three guys with "J" names and married the fourth. Yeah, it does suck, but you just have to focus on the person you are with, trying not to bring your own connotations to the table.
I can see how this might b a hard for you right now.... Forgive n Forget the Past and Keep on Moving Forward!
I would never want to date someone with my ex's name. I know how incredibly lame that is, but me and R had good times and it kind of ruins the memory if you have to be like, "I went here with Nick #7 ... or was it Nick #3?"
luckily R has a unique name so it doesn't happen frequently.
First, props to you for getting out of that abusive relationship!!!
Second, I can definitely see where you're coming from and how it's going to be a little weird to date another guy with the same name. Maybe you could nickname him? Either way, after a while this Nick will replace most of your memories of the other Nick, and when you say or think the name, happy memories will be there instead of remembrances of the negative things that happened in your past.
i've never gone through this ever. it would totally irritate the crap out of me.
I went out with a guy for a year and then went on a few dates with a guy who had the same name as my ex. I found it really weird. In my phone I had him saved as 'guy' rather than put his real name because I didn't want to see 'one new message from Neil', or 'Neil calling'. On those few dates I avoided saying his name. I never thought a name would bother me that much, but I think for me the problem was that I hadn't moved on from my ex and because he was an arsehole I condemned everyone with the same name. I never saw that guy again and he could have been the most wonderful guy in the world, but I let his name bother me.
It may be difficult and slightly weird at first, but in the end it's who he is that matters and not what his name is. Don't do what I did and let a name get in the way of meeting someone new.
Good luck on your date :).
I have dated a few guys with the same name and am drawn to a certain name. It is very weird at first, but you will get used to it, and if you don't, come up with a cute nickname for him to use instead.
The closest I've come to this situation is dating a Nat for 14 months, then having a short romance with a Nate 8 months later! People would always call the first guy Nate and I would say "No, it's NAT short for NAThaniel and NATE short for NATHAN. Totally different A sound! :P
even just talking to people with the same name and no nick name...
or someone saying my name and meaning someone else... :/
lets just say i don't use 'edward' anymore for that last reason.
umm... I totally wouldn't be able to deal with dating a guy with the same name as my ex.... *shudders* Try thinking of nicknames (: that helps sometimes... Good luck!
Ah, I sorta have that problem too. My boyfriend's name is James, and I have two guy friends with the same name xD.
Good luck with your date~! O:
Yes, and it faded over time.
lol... around october 2008, I was dating this guy... who was a total jerk. who I now hate, for a good reason. And actually around october of 2009, i began [and am still currently] dating someone with the same name... very interesting. but hoenstly, i don't even realize it like that. the first guy never meant jack shit to me.... I guess maybe thats why
I had a crush on a guy last year who was a really big jerk and played me and now I currently have a crush on a guy with the same name. This present crush seems to be playing games as well but the same kind (the dating game). It made it so hard to discuss my guy situations with my girls because they wouldn't know which guy I was talking about! (One thing that helped are the nicknames I gave to them haha.) What's even weirder is that they know each other!
@TheLuckiestWomanEver@xanga - Thanks. It was rough and definitely a journey but I feel like it made me a stronger person. Also, my best friend said come up with a nickname too hahaha
A friend of mine has dated 5 Matts. The one she's with now is the one for her. She gave him the nickname of Five b/c he's the 5th Matt.
That sucks you had to go through all that abuse :( I hope this Nick treats you well like you deserve.
You know, I have a friend named Christina and my girlfriend's name is Cristina, and when I'm talking about either one of them, the other doesn't get mixed up. I can't fucking stand violence, it's the only thing that makes me feel violent. Anyway, I can understand that it brings up bad memories and could feel a little awkward at first, but he's not the same guy. You know? The feeling will pass if you let it.
@DarcKleer@xanga - Haha that's crazy! I know Matt is a common name but wow. Good for her. I would go insane if I dated 5 different Nicks.
@My_Imperfect_Words@xanga - Honestly I have to say that the emotional abuse (for me) was worse. There were only a few physical incidents but the verbal was almost daily. Also, I got past cringing when someone shoved me by accident. The psychological toll that relationship took was a lot harder to move on from.
One of my best friends dated a guy named Chris. Â He cheated on her and she dumped him. Â After a couple boyfriends, she finally met her current boyfriend - named Chris. Â When I asked her if that was weird, she said it was at first, but that it was not a problem really quick. Â It's a different person and she doesn't even think of the first Chris. Â Don't be scared to give a guy a chance, just because his parents gave him the same name as another set of parents.