Thursday, 07 January 2010
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How Close is Too Close?
Recently, me and my girlfriend had a discussion about how close we should be to each others' friends. I told her that there should be a fine line and that I would feel uncomfortable if they became really great friends. I just think it's weird for my significant other to become really buddy-buddy with my friends.
I'm all for them to like each other, because they're the most important people to me, but, if they start to hang out more often than I do with them, then that's where I draw the line.
Is this that uncalled for? Am I really all that wrong for thinking this?
I understand that you would want your significant other and your friends to be on good terms but, isn't there a limit? How close is too close and am I really all that wrong?
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Comments (30)
You are right there is a line..that is a big line cause in a way that's your thing to hang with you girl. And then there is a thing about being jealous...boo them! If it happends more than once...we start to record daily observations...
IDK... what do other people say?
With me and my wife, our friends are the same. So when things aren't going well between me and my wife, they present an awkward situation for our friends.
I think unless there was something they had greatly in common, a shared interest or hobby that I wasn't interested in, and they hung out without me for that reason (ie: sports games, museum visits, concerts...), that'd be fine. My boyfriend's best friend was helping me with a computer issue, and he came over to my apartment a few times when my boyfriend wasn't around, I don't see any harm in that, and neither did he, but I think if he just started hanging out with my girlfriends for no real reason other then to hang out, I'd start to worry.
that does present an awkward situation if things are ever rough between you two. Obviously, you'll want your friends to take your side, but if they become too close to your gf, then they might take hers.
It really sucks when you and your SO end things and your friends have become close friends of hers as well. It makes them split who they want to hang out with and the "group" won't feel complete.
Most definitely. You are not wrong at all. It's nice to have everyone get along especially when you guys all make plans to do something together but of course there's always that limit and it should NEVER be crossed. But once you start getting that feeling that your SO is spending too much time around your friends or crossing that friendship line, it would be a means for concern. If she really likes you, she'd respect your feelings and wouldn't dare to think to do something like that. I mean, that's just common sense.
i agree. i mean i want them to be cool with each other. but if they became so close that they still talk after me and the SO breaks up, it weirds me out alittle and i do NOT like it
I didn't mind my ex being great friends with my friends back when I was dating him, but after some emotional abuse, literally about 70 lies, blaming me for our failing relationship, and some not-so-consensual sex, it pisses the fuck out of me sometimes the fact that one of my best friends in high school hangs out with him everyday.
I think your girlfriend needs to respect that you feel uncomfortable with that. If she cares about you, she should be ok with it. Now, the question is, how did you tell her about your concern? If you were overbearing and/or controlling, then she has a right to be upset. But, if you were sincere and tactful, she has to honor that.
I agree with you.
Well, most of my friends are/have actually dated each other and we're all fine and in one piece. I don't see the problem really. :\
yea there are lines and they shouldnt be crossed, and i dont feel like your being a baby, becasue once you end the relationship it wouldnt be a such a surprise if the next guy your ex was after was one of your friends, and that kinda drama can tear up an alreday solid relationship
if my boyfriend is ditching me for my friends (most of them are guys) i'll draw the line. i definitely wouldn't want him hanging out with my girl friends, not without me there anyway.
i don't care if he likes my friends or not, and he doesn't care if i like his. but there's a mutual expectation to tolerate them.
I agree with you, there should be a line.
i really don't have an opinion on this. it's just whatever happens to me.
I agree with you. Unless though, a friend was friends with both of you before you got together...
@thegirlwiththecamera@xanga - Yup, I agree.
My friend seems to think she needs to be bestfriends with my boyfriend, I, however do not see that need. But really it depends on your personality..
I like to be close with an S/O's friends.... but no closer than they are. I wouldn't hang out with one of my guy's guy friends alone without him. It would feel awkward. I have hung out with his friends that are girls without him though. We've gone shopping together, etc. I didn't think it was a big deal, and neither did he.
I used to want him to be close to my friends... but they got a little too close. Now I know who my real friends are, and don't bring girls around anymore.
Although I don't think it really matter all that much as a rule...It really depends on your friends and your SO. Most times my friends and my SO's kinda know where to draw the line. I do agree I would be uncomfortable if my SO became closer to my friends than I am.
It would feel as if they were here friends and I was tagging along...but in the end not something I would worry about.
My husband and I share a lot of friends, though we definitely have our own "groups" that the other doesn't know as well or hang out with as often. I have never even considered that he and I being close with the same friends could be an issue though, and it hasn't.
I can understand though how, if you're dating and the relationship isn't permanent, it could be awkward if there were to be a breakup and the various friends "choose sides" or lapse into other uncomfortable moments.
if the relationships get too close, eventually there'll be jealousy. my guy friend's gf(now ex-gf) started to get very close with his friends and it seemed like his friends liked her more than they liked him, so he was jealous. it is like intrudiing and threatening the bond that he had with his friends even if it was suppose to be a harmless introduction to his friends.
i don't really care if my so got close to my friends but not too buddy-buddy...that's just too close.
Close enough to be able to hang out with each other without feeling awkward. Not so close that they'd rather hang out with them than be with you.
yes friendship distance should be kept to a point because if you broke up it would be bad for the friends to have to choose between each other thus ruining good friendships