In mid-December, I was broken up with for the first time. There was a span of two weeks between the last time I saw him and the day that he sent a text that said, "I really don't see us getting out of this without a break or something." I, in turn, was shocked. Sure, we had been having a few little arguments over text message for the past week, but it was also finals time in college for both of us, which added extra stress to the still somewhat new relationship. We had been dating for two and a half months at the time, and I wasn't ready for an ending. Especially not one over a text message.
I'm the type of person who likes to talk things out in person. I analyze, I rationalize, and I hope. Until about a week ago, I still had my heart set on getting him to speak to me in person and realize that a few text message fights could be worked through, and we could come out better from it.
Then I found out from his ex-girlfriend that he had been asking her for relationship advice about his OTHER ex-girlfriend! Apparently, they had hooked up a whole ten days after he ended things with me. From this source, I also found out that he lied to me about his amount of previous sex partners, among other things. As I said before, I'm nearing twenty and he was the first guy I liked enough to date. In turn, he meant a lot to me.
A large number of my friends have been telling me to, "Move on and get over it." And I would if I could. However, my dreams have a different plan. Nearly every single time that I shut my eyes, he appears and we're happy. And every single time that I dream about him, I wake up feeling horrible. Although I know that he's absolutely the wrong guy for me, and that he really doesn't even care that hurt my feelings, my dreams still make me want to be with him.
Is this normal? Have you ever felt haunted by dreams about a former SO?
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Comments (74)
Yes, and I still am. I think it's normal, and it fades over time. Eventually maybe it will go away for both of us, but don't give in to your dreams in the meantime, it sounds like he wasn't right for you.
It sucks, but it does get easier with time. I promise.
They never were never a former so, they were a first love interest that didn't feel the same back. And like you, as much as I got hurt by them, I had dreams of happiness and would wake up feeling horrible because I knew in reality that it wouldn't come true no matter what I tried to do. But I believe you will find someone one ten times better! :)
It's totally normal. You're probably thinking about him so much that it's leaking into your subconcious. However, it does get easier to handle with time and eventually you won't dream about him so much. He might pop in every now and then, but by then you'll be over him.
Yes and yes.
It is normal, but be careful not to talk about it all the time to your friends. They will get annoyed and make you feel like you are taking too long to get over it. My ex, who I dated for two years, was in my dreams for 1.5 months. But it helped to keep him out of my conversations so he was off my mind a tiny bit less. Maybe you should think about why you want to be with him. Do you miss his kiss, his arms around you and the excitement you got from his phone calls? Keep in mind these are aspects of relationships in general, so you could be wanting a relationship again. Breaking up sucks. But you will learn from it, and grow as a person. Just be patient.
It's normal. Not always fun, though ( but sometimes it is
).
yeah. It's normal, I'd say, and you are fine. don't sweat it, although I know those dreams can be so hard and troubling. after my first boyfriend and I broke up I dreamed about him a lot. And then for a couple of months I had lots of crazy horny dreams because I had nobody to kiss and I guess I was going through withdrawals.
yes, but once you date someone else, you will be surprised at how easily you get over whatshisface.
Honestly, the best advice I can give you is "move on, get over it, and date someone else."
no guy that breaks up with you is worth this much effort.
@DistantStarlight@xanga - lol @ your honesty
Considering this is your first time, it sounds normal to me. You don't have closure & you're an optimist. Your mind isn't quite ready to let go, despite what you may think. [Forget about the heart.. that's a different issue altogether.] But these dreams are from your subconscious & no matter where you think you are in terms of getting over this situation, you aren't at that point yet.. especially since it's still lingering on your mind. You have rationalized it & you clearly know what you deserve. So don't lose hope. Just give it time & it'll get easier. These dreams will pass.
As for dreams of former boyfriends, yes I get them. They're never pleasant & I only wake up realizing how lucky I was to leave & how blessed I am to have my current boyfriend. Then again, my only other boyfriend was a total crazy. So these dreams are actually nightmares. lol.
Good luck! :)
My first serious relationship and my first love spanned only over 3 months, and then things ended in almost the exact same way as you. (I became friends with his ex-we had a lot in common lol :P) Turns out his ex had become his ex a whole MONTH into him and I dating! I was devastated and dreamed about him for months. He never even apologized! during the 3 months afterwards I couldn't help but dream about him a lot. It's been almost 6 months and I still catch myself thinking about him.
Like you, this is the only relationship I have had so it's all I can compare anything to. I'm still not interested in starting a new one but I'm definitely over him :) You'll get over this asshole but don't expect to not think about him a lot, especially when it comes to your future relationships. Just learn from it, don't let it control you :)
@thebeautyofwinter@xanga - haha the old "get over him and get under someone else"
surprisingly effective! :P
Just a dream.
I still do, but again my ex was special to me in that he was the first guy that I loved. Firsts, especially, will always have a special place in your heart. It does not necessarily mean that you should be together again, it could be your subconscious just recalling pleasant memories that that person happened to be in. That's what it is for me. However they do lessen in time, and they do no harm so I say enjoy them for what they are but try to move on. In the end you will be happier for it.
I know this isn't going to make you feel any better & I'm seriously sorry for that, but it can go on for years after a break up. I say that from personal experience.
its perfectly normal.
i still dream bout my ex even though we've stopped talking and have completely cut all connections.
we can't control what we dream,
and even if you move on, you might still randomly dream about him sometime.
so it's no big deal.
but moving on is a must!
it helps if you don't think about him as much throughout the day if you don't wanna dream bout him . lol
yes, and former friends too
Yeah, after my most recent ex broke up with me, I had these weird dreams for a few nights straight about him. I think I remember one of them was when we were both like, 6 years old and he proposed to me with a cardboard box... (dreams are weird lol) but in the end, they're just dreams and it doesn't really mean anything.
It'll be hard, but move on!
@thebeautyofwinter@xanga - LOL, I know, right?
And... yeah, I'd say this is completely normal.
I agree with the others, this is normal. I got over my ex completely after 3 months but then in Nov - Dec '09 I randomly started to think about him and dream about him. Thankfully that's all over now :)
the thing about dreams is that they tend to center on things you keep repressed. for example, a study was done in which the patients were asked to supress thoughts of a white elephant prior to sleep. almost all the patients dreamed of a white elephant. so i wouldn't worry about it... it happens. dreams are, for the most part, just dreams.
I was with my ex for 4 years, he was a terrible person a very abusive boyfriend. It has been two years since I've seen him and I still have weird lovey dovey dreams about him. I end up feel soo crappy in the morning because my dreams are polar opposite from my actual feelings for him. And I feel guilty because I am very much in love with my current boyfriend of a 1 1/2 years.
I'm still trying to figure out how I can make these dreams go away
all the time. the worst part is waking up. letting go. but it gets better (as much as a cliche that is). hoping on a guy you've only known for 2 1/2 months isn't that great though. especially with all your friends telling you their opinion. listening to them helps a lot. they have the ability to observe the relationship from the outside during the puppy love stage.
and i too love to dream. rationalize. talk things through. although these are great qualities to have, sometimes the people we're with don't desire the same things as us anymore. and it leaves us a little bit broken inside. but in time, the pieces will be glued back together.
I'm constantly hounded by dreams of my ex-girlfriend, who broke up with me my senior year of high school (I'm now a sophomore in college). In every dream she's angry with me, even if we start out happy. I think it's because I regret so much from that relationship. It killed our close friendship. I thought I had feelings for her, but I guess I didn't. I just miss being friends.