Little white lies are unavoidable and harmless, but when you turn it into an outright lie that's hurtful and harmful, you have to think about the repercussions.
A friend of mine counsels kids as a side job. She recently told me how this one girl who is currently 16 lied about her age, got a fake I.D. and went to a club. She met a guy (25 yr) there and they ended up hooking up. They continued to date for a few months until he found out how old she was and he broke it off. She was really upset and torn by it, going towards a downward spiral. She's obsessed with him and admitted to my friend that she's been stalking him to no prevail. He's avoiding her like she has H1N1. She then tells my friend that she's planning on going to the cops and telling them that he raped her and that sex was not consensual because that would get his attention. Since he hurt her first, she's going to hurt him right back.
My friend is trying to talk her out of all this madness over one guy. It's not that my friend doesn't sympathize but she wants her to realize it's not a little white lie anymore. Lying about your age is one thing to get into a club, but lying about being raped and filing a report is something else. I told my friend she should call her out on the lie because it's not confidential but she doesn't want to lose the trust with these kids.
So what do you say or do to help someone so hell bent on revenge?
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Comments (58)
sunglasses
i really don't know what to say, except tell her to be a little rational. make sure theres a follow up. i want to know what the girl decides. xD
if she lied about her age, and met him at a club. then he has rights. it was NOT statutory rape. if you meet someone at a club thus you have probable cause to believe theyre not jailbait. her claim wouldnt make it very far.
slap some sense into them. literally.
There is nothing wrong with saying, "Who's fault was it in the first place?"
I would slap them right across the face. Since words won't knock them back into reality, a hand will.
Seriously, that girl needs to have a reality check. And if that girl does go through with the rape lie, you should have your friend come straight out and testify against the girl. It's not about the trust factor anymore after that.
Yikes! I would cut them out of my life in a heartbeat, that's not the type of person I want in my life either. I know that's horrible, but true.
This girl is rotten, lying about that ruins peoples lives, REALLY ruins them, no future jobs, on the record forever, no future wives or kids, prison time... That's a huge deal, she NEEDS to come clean, confidentiality should NOT be at the expense of someone else's life or freedom, and his avoiding her doesn't mean he didn't care, but that she was dishonest with him from the beginning and chances are he's afraid of exactly what she's doing. Meaning he was smart enough to realize that she was capable of it, and he didn't want that type of person either.
And I don't consider lying about your age and going to a club *those rules and laws are there for reasons* a "Harmless white lie" was she drinking? What if someone really had taken her and raped her?
That sort of thing is traumatizing and it doesn't go away, ever. That ruins peoples lives too, and to lie and say that it's happened is awful and I feel like it mocks the real pain and fear and trauma that thousands of women are enduring. Right now.
It's girls like this that make it so guys don't care, since whether they do the right thing or not they'll get the bullet.
@softaswater@xanga - Actually that depends, I know at least here in Utah it doesn't matter. Ignorance is no excuse from the law. Here he'd STILL get charged, knowing her age or not, fake ID or not.
It's one of the worst things to accuse anyone of. This girl really needs to see sense by anyone who can knock it into her.
Well, if this issue goes to court, both can suffer charges. Perhaps she should really think about it. Move on and forget? Just my opinion (:
Poor guy.
@xkthily@xanga - This sounds like a good idea.
i hate girls like that who use rape as a tool to get to guys; it discredits actual rape victims.
what an idiot.
tell the guy he needs to dispose over her... discretely. Before she ruins his life.
@MistressAislin@xanga - eh, that sucks. the television has lied to me.
back up the guy who was falsely accused. there isn't really anything to say to someone stubborn and bitter like her.
I had a friend who lied about being raped and got the guy in some deep shit. Apparently, he never went to jail, he just got kicked out of school and got sent to the other side of town.
She tried doing the same to one of my best guy friends only because she didn't want to be his friend anymore. He almost got the boot until she finally confessed and told the truth.
somehow get her mind off of it-- a distraction. currently her emotions are controlling her actions and thoughts. maybe when some time has passed she will realize what she's about to do is not worth it & she will only be making a fool of herself.
your friend should not care so much about losing the trust of someone so crazy ... that girl is SERIOUSLY in the wrong, and she needs to be put in her place. and, your friend should very clearly not be supportive of this behavior.
I don't think there's any way you can nicely talk any sense into someone who wants to report a false story to the police. You'd have to be direct, and a little harsh, in order to help someone out like that--anything else, even a sense of comfort, probably wouldn't penetrate their mentality at that point.
stop her, before she ruins this guys life.
she's going to fuck him over. even if it is her fault that she lied about her age, he's going to get dragged in a ton of shit that he really doesn't deserve.
Girls who make false rape allegations just make it more difficult for real victims to come forward.
The girl sounds like a whiny immature brat who needs to get smacked upside the head for being a selfish, egotistical bitch.
It is 100 percent her fault that the guy broke up with her.
She lied, and starting a relationship built on a lie, is doomed to failure.
And, losing trust with the kids, ISN'T as important as pure JUSTICE.
This guy doesn't deserve to suffer so much as a MILD inconvenience over this; he has done nothing wrong.
Get a recording of her plan then turn it into the cops. They can break her lie down with a series of questions if they know the truth and why she's lying. You don't even need a recording, just go tell them. She should be intoxicated with her ego.
@Cosmar@xanga - agreed
She sounds like a brat.