Yesterday, I was going through some of the things from my childhood and it brought back numerous memories I had forgot. It started off normal, putting away old children's books I had once loved (the ones that taught me everything), glitter and markers, board games and stuffed animals. These items actually brought back very nice memories of playing in the basement with friends and being a carefree child. It's always fun to look back at the happy times in your life, especially through the rose-colored glasses of your favorite toys. I ended up making a "kid's" shelf downstairs for any other children that may come through the house (aka, any children me or my brother may have in the future), it was fun to pick out the classic books and games that I thought they may end up loving just as much as I did.
Then, I came across the hardest boxes of all, the old boyfriend boxes.
We all know we have them, a box you fill (for me it's generally after the break-up) with all the things they gave you. The one from my old boyfriend Eric was only hard to go through because it reminded me of how stupid I used to be, I can't believe I thought that some of the things he gave me were cute. I guess we are all a little stupid when we are 15. The hardest box to go through was the stuff from Sean, the one that I hurt. He was great to me and I walked all over him without even realizing it. Not to say that the relationship shouldn't have ended, but I did it the wrong way. Going through all the letters he wrote me and the things he gave me just brought up old feeling of guilt.
We all have these memories, the ones that hurt because you don't like the kind of person you were at the time. Well, I got through the box, and it made me think a lot. If everything happens for a reason, why did I hurt him? I know he's happy now, and I hope he can have another good relationship soon. He deserves all the happiness in the world. I know that we all hurt people in our lives and I wonder, how do YOU deal with it?
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I deal with hurting the one I loved by trying and failing for one and a half years to get over her. I will live with that one single regret forever, unless she sees the light later on down the road and we get together again...but that won't happen.
I don't have boxes of stuff anyone's given me but I do have my memories. That's what hurts the most.
I've never made a boyfriend box. I always just throw the crap away. Why have a shrine to a dead relationship hidden in my home?
rationalize it until i forget... for me? by pretending i did it on purpose.
others say 'i'm sorry' and move on... surround themselves with irrelevance and eventually become so overburdened with the present they forget the past. metaphorically, they hide their past in that little box.
@Gorrific@xanga - Agreed. It felt so good to pitch that garbage.
I have ex boyfriend boxes as well. I actually like the idea of having the boxes. I'm really big on keeping things with sentimental value and I usually enjoy going through things unless they relate to a person I had a big falling out with or something like that. But I never really throw anything away.
I think the only time I ever got rid of something a guy had given me was about a month ago. I ripped up a shirt he made for me...and now I use the rags for my rat's cage. It's kinda funny and at the time it made me feel a lot better cause I kinda was holding a little grudge since he had hurt me, but now I feel a little guilty for doing that and I'll probably end up keeping one of the rags since I've slowly gotten over that entire incident.
All in all, I like to keep things from my past. I think I may spend too much time thinking about the past, but that's a quality of mine I'm trying to let go of and I'm slowly but surely successful with that. I love looking back at old stuff; sometimes it makes me cry, most of the time it makes me laugh or smile, but overall I don't think it's an unhealthy thing to do as long as you keep going with your own life and don't get STUCK in the past. :)
I have only had one relationship in my life and im currently in it so i have never rly hurt anyone or made boyfriend boxes, but if I had exes when I felt ready I would burn the stuff. Bad memories are best left in the past. There is only one guy in which i rly thought i was in love with but turned out it was an extremely strong infatuation. Hes the one that sort of broke my heart but not on purpose. I just deleted all emails and stuff afterwards. We are still friends, but not the same.
I wouldn't have a specific box but I like keeping stuff - always regretted letting my second GF persude me to through all the stuff from my first GF away. Never again.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
I had a box full of letters, they're in my brother's room, as I don't really talk to him and I don't want to. (cheated on me) and the other one, i have a bracelet up somewhere, and all pictures are stowed away. I'd rather not go back to those days, they made me who I am today, but they don't shape what I do now.
My box is not just for ex-boyfriends, but is filled with all kinds of things from my past. This week I ventured into that box. There is one boy that fills a lot of that box and a lot of my heart. He has hurt me and we aren't even friends anymore, so I knew opening that box would be difficult. I didn't know if I would laugh or cry. If I would be angered by my memories or happy I still had certain keepsakes. I was glad to find parts of my past that made me happy and some how I found the strength to throw that boy out of my box and into my garbage bag.
I had an ex-bf box but it went missing and I have no idea where it is now. I think my parents found it and threw the stuff away for me... it doesn't bother me though, I could care less.
I had a boyfriend box for awhile... then I burned it.
I have a box where i put some old photos i had of my ex, and some other random stuff i couldnt throw away sigh
@cheyennexcrystal@xanga - sounds like an awesome idea...
the way to deal with it? just to live with it. you know there's nothing else you can do now. I was in that position before, he was so nice to me, that i took advantage of it at times. I didn't know it then, but now I did. and well I take whatever lesson I can learn from there, and whether i like it or not... I had to just keep going. I still have some of the stuff he gave me. and it hurts to look through it, but i definitely do not want to throw it away or burn it. it's memories and I don't like to part with it. Plus it's a reminder for me, for the next time around.
I think I've gone back and apologized to a lot of the people I hurt, and that's how I've dealt with it. I'm not who I once was, and I'm not nearly as stupid or selfish. I find we often hurt the ones we care about most. In my case, I think it's a way to push them away.
Also, I let my husband get rid of the box for me, except he refused to do anything with the pictures. Stupid and silly, but I burned them. I know I'll never have them back, and I think that helped wrap up my closure.
Maybe you should talk to him and apologize for everything you think you did wrong. But if it's been a while, he might've forgotten all about it.
You have to forgive yourself first, though. Now that you've opened that box, putting the pain back inside will only hurt you.
I gave my ex his box. I didn't want any of his stuff, and I wanted all of mine back. Too bad I came off insane because he kept my stuff. Like my house keys. So I had to track him down to get them. /bitter
I don't have boxes, but I used to print out emails, fold them up and keep them in little drawstring pouches (back in seventh grade...hahaha good times).
I have a lot of saved emails, chat logs, handwritten notes, birthday cards, and some gifts. And my old journals. I keep all the paper stuff in books full of clear pockets and I just slip them in there, I've filled up two.
I don't have boxes. I had one bad relationship, after which I was so mad, I burned everything that reminded me of him (: lmao. A bit harsh, but his reason for dumping me was cause I wouldn't sleep with him... so yeah... DOUCHEBAG.
A few months after my now-husband and I got engaged, my family had to abruptly move and I was forced to clean out my room and pack up. I ran across the box containing stuff my past two boyfriends had given me- hundreds of dried rose petals from a few bouquets they gave me, a heart-shaped rock or two, a few notes. Whoa! I was planning a wedding to a man who truly loved me and this stuff could officially go bye-bye now. I threw away the notes and then scattered the rose remnants and rocks in the woods because I knew I would never need or want them again. I knew that I was leaving the acreage around the house behind for good and so I let the physical remnants of the past return to the earth there.
I have one box, because I've only been in one other relationship besides the one I am in now. We were together for a year and a half. We've been broken up for 10 months. I looked in the box about 6 months after the breakup. When I go through it, it makes me sad because I have letters from him that I now realize are filled with nothing but lies. There is a two page letter that just says, "I love you," over and over and over. In another one he promised to take me to Disney World. Even after the breakup I have a note from him about begging me back that came with some flowers. The box also contains: A birthday card, in it he wrote 69 different ways to say my name (i.e. beautiful, enticing, sexy, artistic, hilarious, etc.). Stuffed animals that he won me from the quarter machine. A flower he picked for me while we were at the park once. A reflex hammer that he stole from his workplace (he's a physical therapy technician). Pictures, jewelry, and countless letters. It makes me miss him and hate him at the same time. I don't know why I keep this shit around.
I throw stupid stuff like his notes & pictures away, & keep the stuff I can't bear to part with. Like the bracelets (one is a string of pearls from Mexico) & a little dog carved out of onyx (also from Mexico).
We hurt each other equally so I feel no guilt, perhaps a little regret. But I wasn't being the person I really am back then & I can't say it's my fault, we all go through it.
What started out as a fantastic relationship went all wrong & we are both at fault, I just have to accept it & move on.
I know that I hurt my ex but I like to believe it made him stronger and will lead him to a girl who will treat him better than I did. Hopefully he learned something and hopefully your ex did as well.
a piece of me is still in love with every single one of those boys to this day. I have four boyfriend boxes. The most recent box is a relationship I'm still in but I know I shouldn't because we are horrible for each other. But so good for each other at the same time. I just wish I could let go of him, I'm just afraid of what he may do to me or himself if I try to leave him.
for me it is the old journals.
The pages that make me blush with shame for my arrogance.
The ones that make me cry for my naivete and innocence. How could have I believed him?
And the ones that make me want to run back in time and be with him one more time. And the sadness that comes from having lost such a love.