Wednesday, 06 January 2010
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Who Else Has Trust Issues?
Trust issues has come to me as a major problem in my life. I have pathological liars to thank for that.
I have been talking to my ex excessively these past few weeks and he's gotten to the point of telling me his long lingering feelings for me. Although I've dated other guys, and have had my number of relationships after him. Its been 3 years. He was my very first love, so he has always been that one section in the back of my mind I came back to thinking about daily even when in other relationships. He's in the marines right now, we pretty much broke up because a long distance relationship wasn't really the right thing for me while in high school. He is coming home for good possibly Christmas of this year or February of 2011.
He tells me he still loves me, and that if there is a possibility that we could start back where we left off in 06. It's pretty much that "lets see what happens" kind of thing. Well at least that's how it is for me. I don't know, my thought process has gotten pretty serious about this whole thing. He was always the man I could see myself settling down with.
A part of a song from my favorite band, Taking Back Sunday, had me thinking the other day. "You're all I want, because you're everything I'm not." He has that fun loving so laid back type of personality and that's how I want to be sometimes, I think I'm getting out of hand with this over thinking about our future at my age.
I think I've kind of strayed from the topic too, anyways point of this post is I have major trust issues with men. He's not really the sentimental type to tell me exactly what how he's feeling, if he's ever unsure. He jokes around a lot about things I find serious and it kind of hurts my feelings. As much as he might tell me he loves me, I can't come to believe him. He's not really showing me, at all. I can't seem to pry it into my head, is this a sign of maybe I don't like him as much as I'm making myself believe. So that's why I'm not as easily convinced?
I want to know if any of you have trust issues, I want to know your stories.
I want to relate to someone.
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About the Author
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- From: Princess_Lynda@xanga
- Name: Lynda
- About Me: I am who I am, I'm not going to change anything about myself. Unless its in the hopes of someone I love. My mind speaks for its own, my thoughts are mine and mine alone. You can agree or disagree, those are your perspectives not mine. I wear my heart on my sleeve, so don't take my sweetness to heart. I love, and love all. I'm hard to come by, I'm not someone you'd want to lose.
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Comments (56)
my boyfriend and me went thru this bout where we hadnt put everything out on the table. we talked about it and i get mad every so often and jealous when i see her writing long things to him and shit. thing is though i cant cut him off off her and i dont want to cause who's to say me and him are forever. he and her could be better in the long run than me and him are (i doubt it we get pretty awesome) but yes. whenever i see her writing to him bout checking his inbox on facebook or wtv and he doesnt talk to me when he's online i immediately assume its cause he's talking to her and still doing what he does. but that thought crosses for a quick 3 minutes only cause then i'l talk to him and know that there's no way. but there's stil that lingering thought at the back of my mind.
thats my trust issue. .
I've always had issues when it came to the idea of trust. For me, its because I've been taken advantage of by a good number of people that I considered close to me, and so now as a result when I find myself getting really close to someone, i find reasons to push them away or I completely have panic attacks. My SO and my current friends know what I've gone through so they understand and try to help me, but I can relate with the old ex thing.
my bf has showed me countless times that he really and truly loves me. but i too, still find it really hard to believe. when i was hospitalized during my accident, he visited me there every single day even though he had work an hour away in the afternoons. we live an hour apart, and i still can't drive because of said accident, but he still visits me every week, or gives me random presents. like, i'll believe it in the moment, then when he is away, all the monsters start whispering in my ear, "he could leave you tomorrow and there'd be nothing you could do about it. you're boring, you're nagging, blah blah blah ... " and i have to remind myself of all the great things to keep going through.
i think living with my mom who doesnt really like him much though .... makes things ... harder.
I think we all have a trust issue to a more or lesser degree but don't let it stop you from experiencing life & finding happiness.On the plus side experiences in the past that have created a trust issue of some sort do help us define what we want & do not want in our lives
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I have major trust issues. I don't trust anyone, only myself. I think that is why I don't have any close friends, or anyone that loves me.
I have serious trust issues.
Daniel and I have been together for four years, and I STILL have a hard time telling him my problems and such.
Aside from a select few, every man I have ever known has fucked me over in some way...
i hate that my trust issues control me...i hate it!! when you happen to deal with alot of people who love to lie and can not understand the meaning of trust, it kind of kills the thought of being able to trust anyone but yourself..it can be very hard to trust, your not alone beautiful..
I have severe trust issues. With men, with friends, and with myself. I don't trust myself. Therefore I can't trust myself to give my heart to anyone again. There was a guy in my life, from when I was about 11 - 18, and he always had a girlfriend, albeit a different one, during this time. Yet he would flirt with me and say he loved me. There was a time when he was single that I was tempted, but then he got together with a girl two days later. So I cut him out of my life. Sad but true. I couldn't trust him and it hurt too much.
My ex-boyfriend and I were on and off for the last 6 months of our relationship. Even though I technically ended it, and he didn't cheat, he hurt me by his actions. He didn't trust me with male friends of mine, and it makes me hard to judge other guys.
It's a tough road, and it's so difficult to work out if someone is genuine. I'd love to believe the best in people, but I don't know. All I would say is don't get your hopes up, just incase you get hurt. But also, look at the history of when you were together and try and see if he ever gave you any reason to doubt him back then.
Wow, I can completely relate. My ex and I knew each other and dated off and on for around 8 years. We had always remained good friends in between dating. He's so laid back, I felt like he was everything I needed in my life because I was basically the opposite. However, his lax attitude turned into him taking me for granted in the end, confiding in his friends over me and not giving me the attention I deserve. So I ended the relationship (for the LAST time) about a week ago. I couldn't trust him anymore. Everytime he'd tell me he'd changed he would be great for a week or so then go back to being his old self. I got tired of putting up with it. After numerous failed relationships over these past few years, I don't really have a trusting attitude towards any man. I'm trying to focus more on taking care of myself and loving myself before getting involved in another relationship.
@clickdotcom@xanga - do you know exactly how big it is of you to be able to do that? I know my friends and in no way or matter would they let something like that even go on. It wouldn't happen. He should feel lucky to have someone that can accept that he still wants to talk to her. I think it is a very selfless thing for you to do. I have major respect.
I have trust issues with not only my boyfriend, but with everyone else. After one event that happened to me, it just kinda happened.
@MasterCheerios@xanga - Oh my gosh, I can relate so much to what you have said. Like when you say you get taken advantage of by the people you trust, I've had like my best guy friends. Someone who is suppose to be like my best friend, you know the guy who looks out for you I had someone just straight up take advantage of me. I'm the exact same way with pushing people away, I don't know if that is something we can fully overcome...I wish the best of luck to both of us.
@Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga - You know, I have quite the same issues. I think its like a major psychological issue for me because I'll just take something so little and make it so so huge. Like him not calling me when he's suppose to. I'll take it so far that I'll start thinking that he's talking to someone he even claims to have no romantic feelings for! I think the reason why we get these negative thoughts, is that we don't believe in ourselves. We're so insecure about ourselves that we believe that he could just leave us for someone better in a split second.
I'm beginning to feal that he isnt the right one for me anymore and that breaks my heart more than anything in the world, because he is who I planned to spend the rest of my life with.
I'm sorry to hear about your accident, what was it if you dont mind me asking?
@American_woman_USA@xanga - thanks thats very empowering and very helpful :)
@wishtoremainunknown@xanga - Trust is a very hard thing to overcome, its like giving that little bit of yourself. Depending on the person, it can make you feel warm, safe, and very protected or it can hurt you...so much. I don't know what advice I could give to your trust issues, because I can't really help myself with this issue. I can just hope that in a later time you can overcome just an ounce of it, and give yourself up to a friend because it can be an experience you would want to remember for the rest of your life. I have some of the best friends in the world, and I wouldn't give them up for anything..
@LadyPhoenix74@xanga - doesn't our trust issues always result in our past? I mean I have tried...SO hard to do that whole "not every man is the same" type of deal. I always try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. but it always ends up burning on my end. I wish you luck with Daniel maybe in some part of your relationship he will do something to really jumpstart your trust and you'll lay everything out. No bones in the closet, is how i would say it.
@triplesea@xanga - thanks, i can relate a lot because my past relationships were nothing but love and lies.
@angelsandemotions@xanga - Thanks, your post has helped me think. He hasn't really given me a reason to not trust him...and its not the fact of him leaving me for someone else. Thats not it at all, fact of it is I don't know if he's being real. I don't know if he's just saying this to say it, or if he really means it. Pretty much because he's not the sentimental type to express his feelings maybe thats it.
@kellouise@xanga - I'm sorry to hear about your relationship. And I too can relate to you, I had just gotten out of a relationship where a the guy pretty much told me he lied about everything about himself to me just so I could like him. Its not the same guy in this blog though, as of right now I'm just enjoying the single life. Its so easy and stress free. Starting off a new year feeling like this gives me hope in being happy this whole year. Nothing too hard, I'm sorry you had to go through something like that. Especially with such a prolong relationship. I hope you enjoy every bit of spending sometime with yourself and embrace it. Maybe you'll learn something about yourself as well.
@mywordsx@xanga - I'm sorry to hear that, I think there is a time in everyones life where something takes us by a hurricane and our trust issues are just scattered throughout the universe. I think after reading all of these comments that we can only fix these problems by begginning at understanding ourselves.
@Princess_Lynda@xanga - you're so welcome & thanks for being a friend
@American_woman_USA@xanga - hehe no problem, thats how i do :) yay for friends!
i've been called a liar when i was speaking from the heart and i'm only 'believed to have the feelings' when i don't remotely express them. or better yet when i really don't...
so the trust issues are shared... though it bears saying, i'm not easy going. and i'm only laid back when i don't emotionally care. when i am emotionally engaged i'm clingy; my hugs get tighter and for a while i'm scared. by emotionally engaged i don't mean afraid due to partner's action but like happy or something based on it.but i digress... i find it funny that the most 'real' you can be is a lie.
Do you think it might be because you haven't spent time with him? He's telling you he loves you from a major distance away, after you haven't seen him in a while. It's understandable that you don't believe him.
I have trust issues, but I can't relate to you, and reading this post made me angry.
He's "the man" for you and the one you've always wanted, but you left him, a marine, because you couldn't do long distance... That's messed up. It doesn't sound like you loved him at all. *Side note, I realize I don't have any idea how you feel and everyone interprets and behaves differently, so I guess my post is kind of pointless too...*
And he's told you his feelings and you haven't been able to tell him "I want to have a serious conversation with you"?
Are you sure you two are compatible? Are you sure you "love" him?