Wednesday, 06 January 2010

  • Wanton Sex Goddess... or Not


    I'm sure you won't be surprised to know that when it comes to dating, I always think honesty is the best policy.  So imagine my horror when my girlfriend, Kim, confessed that she had been keeping a secret from her new boyfriend.  She has been dating Todd for 3 months and has yet to bang him.  Now, for the record, I think it's perfectly acceptable to make sure you wait for that one special guy.  But isn't "hey my vagina has never done battle with the beef bayonet" kind of need to know information?

    Not only has she skipped this most minute of details, she has told him that she is a wanton sex goddess.  Yet, she confessed that they are already house hunting and thinking about condemning committing their lives to each other.  I ask Kim, why, if she's thinking about marrying this dude, she can't tell him the truth.  She tells me that she doesn't want it to be awkward the first time they bone, and wants to avoid the good ol "I'm trying to pretend like I care about you, but really I just want to pork you" song and dance (read: "Are you okay? Does this hurt? Does it hurt now? Are you still okay?"). 

    Perhaps I am just confused because I spent the better part of my younger years trying to convince my dates I was a virgin with all the success of Brook Hogans singing career. Apparently, "Be gentle.  I'm a virgin!" isn't the most convincing line when you're bent over a futon in a frat house.  Who knew?  But, I digress.  I can't help but think Kim's little white lie is going to make things even more awkward when they finally do the nasty.  What if it's glaringly obvious that something isn't quite right?  Won't it be more embarrassing to admit her fib after the fact, or god forbid, during?  Because nothing deflates a boner quicker than, "Stop! Can we talk?!"

Related Posts

Comments (47)

  • MistressAislin@xanga

    Um... blood is a little bit obvious?! not to mention wouldn't he rather realize she's never done it than be told she's experienced and have her, well, not know what she's doing?  If that's as good as she'll get...


    She needs to be honest, if it's not obvious, and it should be, what if it's painful?  If he loves her and is planning his life with her it won't make her less appealing.  If anything only more so.
  • wachamakulit@xanga

    Well maybe you should tell her how special he'd feel when he finds out she actually a virgin
  • AphoticxIllusion@xanga

    Honesty is the best policy. 
  • mz_d0rkabl3@xanga

    I think he might've been more impressed that she's a virgin rather than a nympho xD
  • P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga

    sexless marriages are possible. she can say that she has been celibate for a while so that is why it hurts.
  • lewk@xanga

    Idk why she wouldn't be open about this, but whatever. It's not the sort of surprise that would really upset me or anything.
  • TheHiddenRose86@xanga

    That's the kind of thing you've got to tell somebody. 
  • TheHiddenRose86@xanga

    Btw...this dude actually stuck around for 3 months without sex? Damn. I've never met a guy that could do that. At least, I've never dated one. Most guys want sex as soon as possible lol. 
  • Pisces_Girl@xanga

    What's wrong with admitting that she's a virgin? Does her bf have something against virgins? There is nothing shameful about being one!
  • LauraG0929@xanga

    @MistressAislin@xanga - Not every girl bleeds when their cherry is popped.

    I think that him knowing he is her first would make everything a lot better, especially if they're talking about getting married.

    Also, "beef bayonet"? Who says that? Lol...
  • NadoAngel@xanga

    well that relationship defiantly isnt off to a good start... 

    i dont think its that important that she tells him that shes a virgin (right away).. that can wait until they get more serious and actually do think about taking that step. but to tell him that she's a sex goddess... umm... why?? major fail. he may or may not be able to tell that shes a virgin when they have their first time together and that part really doesnt matter. its about the moral aspect of it. you dont lie about your sexual experience. great sex is all about open communication and honesty, not lies and false beliefs. 
    if this girl really likes this guy she needs to be straight up and honest about EVERYTHING. if she thinks she needs to throw out a fake persona to get this guy to like her then this guy probably isnt right for her... that or she needs to gain a lot more confidence and respect for herself before she enters a relationship. 
    i dont think this is something that will end a relationship, but its something that defiantly needs to be resolved asap. 
  • MissPixieGlitter@xanga

    we need more of beckncallgrl's anecdotes on datingish.
  • Nope_Ive_Never@xanga

    Yeah, I pretty sure he's gonna figure out she's not a virgin the first time they have sex. She should really tell him the truth before they go any further.
  • Coffee_Kaioken@xanga

    @MissPixieGlitter@xanga - Yes, yes we do. 



    And there are things that deflate boners faster than that. *still shuddering upon memory of the day he looked up "penile fracture" on wikipedia*
  • wideopenskies@xanga

    Yeah, that won't last, especially not if she can't be honest about something as simple as that. If she's planning on marrying the dude, why can't she be open about sex with him? Is she 12?
  • Maniacraving@xanga

    Your right, it will most likely be during. That sucks.
  • Maniacraving@xanga

    And BOO! to her for the false advertising
  • TheCaffeinatedKnitter@xanga

    Maybe she's just scared that he won't wanna be with her if she tells the truth? I think that she should tell him, though.  It's kinda weird - unless he has something against virgins, I don't see why she's kept the secret for that long, especially since she actually LIED about it.  
  • blufrogz37@xanga

    Your friend should just confess that she's a virgin, and that she didn't want their 1st time to be awkward, even though by lying, she's pretty much made it that way already...just be honest...it really is the way to go...
  • Salivarysatisfaction

    ""Be gentle.  I'm a virgin!" isn't the most convincing line when you're bent over a futon in a frat house."


    lol. I'm convinced.
  • xSerendipity713x@xanga

    I don't see the problem with telling him the truth. I guess everyone is different (and I'm probably a bit old fashioned) but only dating for 3 months doesn't mean someone has to go into their sexual history with the person they're dating. To me, three months isn't really that long at all. If they're talking about having sex though, then yeah - she should definitely tell him the truth.
  • Utoppia

    yeah she should definitely tell him because they're both in for a surprise when he expects some sex goddess to appear and she lays there like a dead fish...after he sticks it to her and she's passed out from pain.
  • former_damsel_in_distress@xanga

    I would agree with everyone that she should tell him but speaking from experience... he could just get turned off and run for it, unless he wants to be a teacher ... you would think a guy would actually like that???


    @xSerendipity713x@xanga - I agree three months is a bit to soon to share you history, but considering their getting married... maybe not?


    @Utoppia - LOL -- laying there like a dead fish


    @MissPixieGlitter@xanga - agreed!
  • eighteenandmarried@xanga

    @P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Sure they're possible.. but, um, why? Are there people who do this -- spend their lives together in marriage without consummating it? Weird.
  • ami_kashi@xanga

    That is most definitely something that needs to be discussed before the fact... If they're ready to get more serious, that's gonna be a bitch to explain during or after!!!
    Trust is very important, if you're trusting someone with your body, you need to trust them with the truth about your body!!

    ~Kashi

    PS If looking for relationship advice, leave a comment on my latest entry. Or, if you want something much steamier, just read some of my posts... ;)

  • Choose Identity

  • Give eProps (?)