Tuesday, 05 January 2010
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Stud Before Buds
I remember you as a human, but over the past few months, you morphed.
When I first met you, you were the freckled kid with an awkward tan and mousy brown hair. You had hazel eyes that were eaten up by your smile. It's startling to remember how human you were from photographs. You had your own hands, legs, and your own set of eyes.
We got along pretty easily. It was a weird routine of watching ghost shows at your house when we got bored of playing rented video games. On occasion, we'd surf the internet together, and if it was nice out, we'd walk in the park, or go swimming. Our ears were crowded with words of music, boys, movies, television shows, radio, and whatever random subjects that two exuberant preteen kids could originate. We were never bored. We were never constrained by the limits of conversations that two strangers or distant family members or acquaintances made; we talked about everything.
We found comfort in our odd routines. It was something to do, and it was something we did well. We excelled at being dorks and making those pointless Youtube videos that a lot of teenagers make in an effort to be hilarious. We cramped journal pages together with my obnoxious, large print and your elegant, formal cursive. Stories that'd begin serious with two characters arguing about philosophy and life and then drastically change into those two characters being eaten by turtles when we were bored with them. We never liked being serious too long. Let's save that for the adults and other drama hungry kids. We survived midnight boredom by inventing foods that'd stuff the house with funny smells that'd wake your family.
You were my best friend. This lasted until about our junior year of high school. I saw you eyeing a new guy. I'll admit that I had a crush on him while I was younger, and he wasn't bad looking now, but weird things began to happen. In that week, I noticed your legs fell off. It seems you got weak in the knees.
This did not do good. How would you walk to places? Well, it wasn't an issue, your boyfriend could drive you everywhere. I didn't mind this because many times did I go to your house and was saved walking home because your boyfriend would give us a ride. It's just car rides replaced walks to the park. It wasn't a big deal.
A few months down the road more transformations ensued. I think your ears stopped working. It's just when I or anybody else tried talking to you, you didn't hear much. You censored certain words, but were favorable of others. Your boyfriend's words you could guess without him saying so much as hello. Our words were undecipherable Chinese. I guess this wasn't an issue because you were only half deaf.
It was a big deal! Your hands stopped working, too. They could no longer support themselves independently. They always had to hold his. I don't know how you carried your frame prior to meeting him. You always had to lean on him, as if you were born crooked.
I saw you hanging out with him everyday of the week. Every hour. Eventually, I warned you that might be spending too much time with him. You admitted that some girl time would be nice, so we decided to hang out.
I soon saw your mouth going dry with originality as time went on. Instead of talking about whatever suited our moods previously, all I heard was him. Whenever we hung out, it was all just...him. Him. Him. I'm sorry to say I cared little about what he ate for breakfast, what his hair looked like in the midday sun, why his breath smells better after eating baloney instead of ham, or why his dog was named Beef. I really, really tried to listen and to find him as interesting as you without being in love, but I found myself rudely staring at the wall or filling the voids in my mind with other observations as you droned on and on.
Well, the worse part of the transformation is how your eyesight changed. His became yours. The music we liked before you guys got together was uncool. Midnight boredom wasn't solved by inventing recipes. Making out and flirting beat midnight recipes, anyday. Journal pages remained blank. Adam Sandler wasn't funny anymore. Making and editing videos just didn't hold the same spark. Ghost stories weren't interesting, either. I watched them by myself and was haunted by the ghost of what was you. The only video games that were interesting were the one's that met the Boyfriend Approval Seal.
I was hanging out with some Best Friend and Boyfriend hybrid that I hardly knew.
It wasn't just me that noticed this.
Somewhere between becoming conjoined twins with your boyfriend, you forgot to return phone calls. You stopped asking your friends if they'd want to see movies. You didn't sit with us at lunch. You sat with his friends. You started wearing his clothes more than you did your own. Your old friends dropped like flies as his friends filled your schedule.
I stopped hanging out with you because you weren't you. You let yourself go the day you met the boy. You weren't you, you still aren't you, and I don't really think "you" know what "you" even means anymore. It's because you're not you. You don't belong to you.
You're his.
Thoughts?
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Comments (32)
I would send this to her.. if you want to try and save the friendship. But it might just piss her off.. if she's mature enough to handle hearing it, then it's a good idea. Sorry this happened.. some people get like this. The man in their life becomes their life. But love is not an excuse to forget friends. Time is compromised, but that's just it. Friendship deserves time and caring and energy..something that love does too. I hope she learns.
wow, this was really deep.
i cried when i read this because it relates to my best girl friend.i agree how one of our best girl friends finds a boyfriend, they forget about us.it used to be "sisters before misters", until they meet HIM.its a really sad way to lose a best girl friend.
young love.. obsessive, passionate, and sometimes I guess a little destructive
A girl once told my friend 'You're not the boy that you used to be, he had a spark and you don't'. It ruined him for months. Not sure why I brought that up, it just came to mind. Really enjoyed thi post.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
This happened to me when my friends got married.
People grow up and grow apart. Not all friendships last through High School and beyond. Don't become as obsessed with losing her friendship as you think she is with keeping her other relationship. Move on with your other friendships and continue being a friend to them. Just my opinion... : )
oh damn I'm a horrible friend :/ I need to make some phone calls...
Wow... that was really good. You should show it to her ASAP, especially if you don't want to lose her as a friend.
As much as people like that suck, I used to be one of them, so I think your friend would appreciate the wake-up call.
well written!! it's always hard to balance between the best friend and the boyfriend, but it seems like she is really going too far..
FUCK I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN
every girl WILL eventually lose her best girl for the not-so-good guy. This just happened to me. It's part of life; no you shouldnt send this to her; no you shouldnt try to change her relationship with HIM.... NO, because you wont be able to do it. All you can do is love her and call her and set up dates with her in advance.... and all that of course ONLY if you love her as much as you say you do!
This is practically the story of my life. I made that mistake myself a long time ago, though it wasn't as extreme. But I noticed that I became quite distant with my best friends, and all that. After I realized what I had done, I quickly made amends and made sure it never happened again, and it didn't. Not even in future relationships. Though obviously when you're in a relationship you can't spend all your time with your friends, I always made sure I spent quality time with friends.
It's also happened to me before, albeit with male friends. They just stop hanging out after they get a gf :( spend all their time with her. Oh well, they'll realize one day.
yep happens all the time
betrayal is the worst enemy ever
I've become somewhat like her in the past, though not to that extreme, and I didn't even notice. You should let her know.
That was beautifully written.
You should definitely submit that to the Chicken Soup For The Soul people or something. =]
As for losing a friend to their boyfriend, well, I was always the one getting lost in my boyfriend, and then we'd have problems, or breakup, and I'd run back to my friends, and then him and I would end up back together...
It was a cycle that my friends got tired of rather quickly, and then one night, they all showed up at my place, and told me what was happening, and that they were tired of it all.
They were brutally honest, and I ended up bawling my eyes out, but it was okay, because my friends were there. I made plans with them, that I kept, which made my boyfriend mad, but it just got to the point where, if he didn't want me having any friends at all, I didn't want him.
I moved on and so did he.
I ended up moving out of the area and lost contact with everyone I went to high school with, but it was more of a relief than anything.
I think you should show this to your friend. It might hurt her, but I think that she'll come around. =]
It sure hurts to see your friends change and find you worthless because of someone else. ):
This happens to a lot of people, the girl has gotta come out of it on her own.
Happens to us guys too, when he becomes someone different over the girl he's seeing.
Eventually he changes into a guy who has flaws that weren't there before, and more often than not, the friendship ends.
yeap, best friend of seven years. she's been dating him 5-6 ... it was a slooow process, but happened nonetheless. what are you gonna do if you get married? have NO other friends? how can people survive like that?
story of my life... =(
very well written<3
Well-written... you took the words out of my heart..
Everyone understands your point-of-view. Including myself.
I can say that I have done this myself at a time and am experiencing it now with a friend of mine.
Being on both sides of the fence, I wouldn't agree with sending this to her.
She will get upset, but it may not be the upset you're hoping for.
She may not get upset with herself, but become upset with you because you are saying she is not allowed to change.
She has changed.
And whether he is in or out of the picture, at this point, she will never be the same.
You can't undo what has already been done.
You can't beg her for time she doesn't see she has.
She is happy... and probably happy in a way she has never been before.
She is not balancing her relationships well, but this happens when you're absorbed in someone and you're young.
She knows she's not around, but she won't really be able to change anything until she is out of this experience..
which is unfortunately, likely to happen one day.
And guess who will be picking up the pieces of her shattered self when that day does come???
The test of a true friend.. a true best friend..
is the friend who can be pissed the entire time of being treated this way...
but can let it go when you see your friend is broken.
It's one thing to be mad at your friend (which you have a right to be) for being different..
It's another thing to be mad when she's broken and leave her that way.
She's not just your friend.. she's your best friend.. and though she has not been playing the part now,
if you intend on having a friendship in the future, this is your challenge to be the bigger person.
She's happy now.. and unfortunately that is bad for you.. because she's treating you like you don't exist..
But I don't know what I would be if my friends deserted me when I needed them..
I deserted them, but they never did me.. And that's why they are incredible friends.
People are blind to their ways..
and sometimes can't change their ways until they step out of it..
The friend I am experiencing with this now..
is alive and breathing, but just doesn't seem to bother with her friends anymore.
And I am really upset, and sometimes I want to throw in the towel and disown her...
but I wont... not only because I've been there..
but because I know she's happy...
and no one has ever made her happy really.. besides us, her friends.
And I've always thought she deserved to be happy...
And I think she very well is now...
so much so, that she can't help herself but to try and smother herself with it all the time..
But I'm here... waiting...
Sooner or later, she will come up for air.
Of course this advice is all assuming you want to be there when she comes to the surface.
No one likes losing a friend, but sometimes you have to accept it. You need to find the line between jealousy and real concern. Do you just hate that she loves him and is better friends with him than she is you?
Someday, and I know you won't believe this now, but you will find a guy that becomes your life. Sure, you will feel as if you are independent and being yourself, but you will change. Because hopefully, he will be one of your best friends and that is what best friends do, they influence everything from your sense of humor to your taste in music. The same way you two shared all of this common ground--a lot of that is because you were best friends and your feelings rubbed off on each other. That will happen to you too someday with someone else--the guy.
I understand the pain that comes with losing a friend to life. But it happens, people grow up and change and meet new people and learn new interests. So instead of resenting your friend for not staying in your life pattern understand that your life pattern will change too. This is why life is a heartbreaking adventure and it is why when you really love someone, you have to love them no matter what.