Earlier today I saw a comment that said "Personally I would consider it an explicit insult if someone called me a manly man." While that would be understandable if the poster was female, this was an 18 year old guy. So it got me wondering, what would be so "explicitly insulting" about being called a manly man? Would he rather be a girly man?
Why is it so taboo in our society for men to act like men?
A lot of magazines and news articles that I have read say that "traditional gender roles are becoming blurred." There are more stay at home dad's than ever, and men are no longer the traditional bread winners of the family. Most men don't want to protect women anymore, it isn't necessary in modern society. More and more women are paying for dates, ( also being forced to kill their own bugs now more than ever! lol ) and it is a common belief now that "men can't fall in love with a woman until they have had sex with her." Most men aren't men anymore, they're guys.
The typical story of a damsel in distress who is rescued by the knight in shining armor is looked down upon nowadays. Women are supposed to rescue themselves, or in some cases rescue the man. Most movies these days reflect this attitude. Take for instance, the movie The Last Legion. I went and saw this in theaters a few months ago, and while I enjoyed it, I found it to be a little unrealistic. There is a female character from India named Mira, who was trained in combat from birth, and I swear there was a scene where she fought off what must have been 10 soldiers
by herself, then she went on to rescue the Roman Commander Aurelius from more soldiers. While I enjoy it as much as the next girl when a woman kicks butt, I didn't find this particular scene to be very feasible. ( Or romantic for that matter! haha But that is just my personal opinion, and has nothing to do with this blog. )
It seems like people are expected to act against nature, biology, and basic human instinct to to fit in with what is considered politcally correct. The empowered strong career woman, and the sensitive, stay-at-home dad. The question I am asking though is, why is it admirable for a woman to rescue a man, but sexist for a man to rescue a woman?
Lately people are even saying that women are as big of perpetrators of physical abuse as men are. This is not the same thing. Everybody knows it too. Men are physically stronger than women are. It is a much different and worse thing for a man to hit a woman.
I think, inadvertently, radical feminists may have caused more harm than good. They have ensured that women have the right to vote, the right to have whatever job they want, and the right to equal pay. All good things there. Also, however, with the advent of feminism, homemakers and stay-at-home moms are looked down upon. Instead women are expected to have careers, take care of the children, do all or most of the housework, and in some cases pay their own car bills or even for the groceries. Even acts of common courtesy, such as a man opening the door for the woman, can be misinterpreted now. Men used to treat women like they were special, and they wanted to protect them and take care of them. Now men say that they want a smart, independent woman, who is successful in her career. There are even examples of this in popular culture, take for instance, the song "Why Don't You Get A Job" by the Offspring. Men feel free, and do call women things like "bitch", and "whore", on a regular basis now. Most men would not have done this a hundred years ago, fifty years ago, or even forty years ago. Women were something to be cherished and were considered special, and yes, maybe even delicate. Now, the former sentence is considered highly politically incorrect.
You can't even mention Cinderella half the time without someone complaining that it is "misogynistic." ( Really, if you think about it though the Prince didn't do anything except meet her at the ball. He never slayed a dragon or rescued her. WHICH-WOULDN'T-BE-A-BAD-THING. But I digress here though. ) Girls are taught from birth that they should be independent strong women, and that they can protect themselves. Which is by all means true, do not get me wrong. But why is it considered so bad if a guy protects them? Even just in a movie or a story?
What is so wrong with being chivalrous now?
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Comments (89)
I always try to make a point of opening doors, holding bags etc if I am with a woman. On the other hand, if she tells me not to bother then I wont. It all really depends on the person
It is alive when the dude's trying to woo you. It's dead when you two get married...
I get this post, and I partially agree. But I assure you: chivalry ISN'T dead -- it's just in hiding.
There are still men who feel comfortable opening car doors, offering their coats, paying for dates, etc... Not in an effort to show control or sexism, but because they cherish their lady. I'm lucky to have found one of those men.
Best of luck with finding a Prince Charming of your own. :)
My boyfriend refuses to let me open my car door. He locks it all the time and doesn't use the auto, so that if I try to open it myself he has to unlock it first!! haha :)
Also, he keeps insisting that I move in with him and quit working or work part time so that if I want to I can go to school, which isn't completely "be my wife and cook and clean". It's just taking time for myself.. He feels like he's doing something with his life by providing for me, and after failure after failure myself I can dig that.
He knows I hate dishes, so if I start to do them he'll playfully repremand me and do them.
He'd never call me by any foul name, and actually hasn't even used a pet name at all. He uses MY name. He rarely uses foul language around me, and it's always "ladies first" or "ladies choice" when it comes to anything.
He defends me and supports me in absolutely anything that I do.
But not many men are like that... do I have the only one? I'll fight you off!! :P
??? That guy who didn't want to be called manly must have been a little deviant somehow. 90% of the guys I know most definitely act like they want to be called things like masculine and manly.
I have more of a problem with women not knowing what chivalry is. More often then not, I'll almost get run over by female drivers who don't want to wait, and it's ALWAYS the male drivers who let me walk before they go.
Women are so irritating to me...thank god I'm not into them.
Whatever 18 year old might be offended being called a manly man is obviously in no danger of being called a manly man. Manly men are not such sensitive asshats.
Role reversals are common nowadays. But it does not have to be.
Why is it so taboo for men to act like men? Are you serious? Since when do men or women have to fit an assigned role in order to be considered who they identify as? You're criticizing people for not allowing men to fit into their stereotyped role and yet you lash out and denounce all other actions as abnormal or deviant. Projection much? Who are you to say whether or not someone is a true man just because they act the way they do? Oh and biology. LOL. Biology doesn't determine whether you can open a damn door for example. I'm sure that my vagina doesn't hinder my efforts just as a penis doesn't aide in said efforts. I'm not denying the fact that there are biological differences, but claiming those differences means I have to be treated as subhuman simply for bearing a uterus is bullshit. I'm not standing for that. If a man chooses to open a door for me, he damn well better open a door for another man because I can open a door dammit. Chivalry is just pseudo-respect.
Also, you know nothing about feminism (especially radical feminism) so you shouldn't be talking about it. Men aren't just now treating women like shit. Women have alwaysbeen treated like shit. The delicate little flower ideal perpetuated by chivalry is meant to enforce the stereotype that women can't do anything right. How is that considered cherishing someone?
i don't see your point D; you keep having wierd tangents.
People should act their feelings I guess. They should be free to peruse their own role in life
I have to admit also though, there is a line that's difficult to decipher. I like being treated like I'm delicate and sweet at home... but it is very difficult when I'm at work. Customers want to deal with the men because their attitude is "stronger".. because they "run things" and because "they'll know more about the technology".
From experience it's mostly the older generation, and with obvious reasons.
I had an old man walk in the other day, and when I asked what I could help him with he bent forward and asked for a kiss on the cheek.
MOTHERf*#!ER i WILL CUT YOU!!
TEEHEE >:[
You mean we have to explain it again? Manly men are mostly considered tools or are often complained about.
@JaydenWolf@xanga - Just about choked and my lemonade reading that last replay. Lol!
Chivalry is NOT dead. I let a woman open the door for me just this morning...
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
@adamcieslicki@xanga - Thats nice to know that its still around!! I am one of the people that I enjoy having a man hold the door open for me...
@salvatruca_stalking_havok13@xanga - You are WRONG, in EVERY aspect....and the vile attitude, and lies, that you've spat out there, are a stunning example of just what is WRONG with this society, and how far the rot has set in.
I feel that there are a number of reason why this seems to be happening.
Boys have been conditioned to be the protectors, providers, etc. from a very young age. Look at the toys designed for boys as opposed to ones designed for girls. As with every generation, there is usually a breaking apart from social norms. In our generation, the social norm is the idea of what is considered to be "right and proper" for a man.
Another reason is the gung-ho attitude of feminists. You said, "I think, inadvertently, radical feminists may have caused more harm than good," and I couldn't agree more. Usually anyone that is referred to as "radical" don't get things right. While I'm all for the pushing of female rights, to go as far as becoming angered with men that would like to help us with a shopping bag or holding a door is ridiculous. Women have to be able to do EVERYTHING a man can do for the sake of politically correctness, as you said, and go against the limits and abilities provided by nature.
People need to understand that sexism is HUMAN-made but a differentiation between male and female are NATURE-made. If nature intended for males and females to perform the exact same tasks, we would have been equipped as such. And while there are individuals that fit that description, the whole of human-kind does not. A male is NATURALLY built to be stronger so give him the damn bag and stop being so self-righteous.
Chivalry isn't dead, just taking a leave of absence to change into something more...suiting?
Chivalry is not dead. There have been, and are, many attempts being made to kill it, to murder it, but as long as there are good men, with soul, valour, conscience and integrity, there will still be chivalry!
@InTheThin@xanga - And, by God, nor should you be!
That young man is, sadly, an example of so many today, and so many under the age of, say, 25.
Beaten down by this sickly, weakened, vapid new "society"... insulted, derided, mocked, despised, dismissed, emasculated, to the point of hating themselves.
A disaster.
That needs to be set right!
@salvatruca_stalking_havok13@xanga - I disagree with chivalry being fake. To say that would insinuate any for of respect towards another person is fake in every aspect. It can be, but to assume it always is isn't the case.
While I will agree that male society does tend to treat the female less than themselves, the fact that chivalry even existed would IN A WAY (not completely)combat the argument. If men completely and utterly cared nothing for women, why bother to hold a door for her or care for her in any way? It is through not caring that they would slam a door in your face instead of holding it open for you, and I don't know about you, but I would prefer the latter.
Also understanding that not all men think, "Oh, that woman couldn't possibly do that on her own, she MUST need my help." Soemtimes, it is out of genuine kindness that they would want to do that for women or for anyone for that matter. I see the anti-chivalry argument being simlar to an anti-aid to poverty argument.
Ideally in a democratic society, everyone has the right and ability to make a living for themselves. Why help those people who are poor, they can do it their damned selves. People do it because they care, and not to belittle those that have nothing. Some men hold doors because they care, not because you can't do it yourself.
Eh Im an independent woman. I pay my own bills I own all my own belongings such as cars, computers ect. I buy my own clothes I have a job I go to college... I'm pretty self suficient... and no I don't need a man to make me happy. HOWEVER.
I do not like to be alone... and sometimes friends just do not cut it! I appreciate small gestures from anyone... opening doors in public places even a warm smile.... god forbid though! That shit does not happen with women... women hardly open the door for each other.... or smile or whatever.... women's attitudes towards each other needs to change! They act like they are all enemies! Are you looking at my bf? Did you just wear the same shirt I own? Oh my god she is beautiful... I hate her... Look at her makeup its hideous! I wonder if so and so likes her more then me... after all she has better "blank" then me... good god make it stop!
Anyways although I do not need a man... I have one... and have had one for five years.... and he does sweet things all the time! WOOT!
Who cares. This topic should die.
chivalry isn't dead, but this topic pretty much is.
Haha--we had a huge discussion on this topic during AP Biology when we had a sub..
My friend was going at it with this guy, telling him that she expects guys to open doors for her, yadda, yadda.. while the guy was just like, "I think chivalry is dead, and while I try to be chivalrous to my girlfriend, oftentimes it ends up that the girlfriend gets sick of it and is like 'dude, let me get the door. I know how.'"
I don't really see the point of small gestures...it is excessive if a guy holds the door open EVERY SINGLE TIME. like yeah, it's sweet, but eventually I'm just like, "please, stop."
chivalry is dying. i agree.
i do know several guys that are slightly chivalrous.just the other day i went to a movie with a couple friends and the guy i was sitting next to [who is just a friend] tried to help me with my coat as i was struggling to get the left arm off while sitting down. unfortunately he was sitting on my right so he wasn't really much help :P