I've had countless guys tell me that I don't have the right qualities to be their girlfriend, and that relationships with me 'just won't work'.
I'm the girl that doesn't like letting the guy pay for my movie, dinner, whatever. I'd rather pay for myself. I might let them pay every once in awhile, but otherwise, let me pay for myself. I also really don't care what we do, as long as we get a chance to talk and hang out, even if it's just sitting on the couch watching TV. I hate going to movie theaters on a first date. There's no way to get to know someone if you're sitting in a dark theater constantly being shushed by people. If we're going to go out, pick somewhere like bowling where we can actually have fun. Going out to a movie is fine if you've been with the person for awhile; That way it's not just awkward space between one another.
When in a relationship, I give it my all.
I put him before myself, if he's happy, than I'm happy. I'm the caring/nurturing type, I have to have someone to care about, otherwise I feel useless. I commit to just that one guy, I don't even hang out with my guy friends. If I'm going out with friends, I let my guy know so he's not wondering what I'm doing if I don't text him back. I do my best to get along with his parents, family and friends. I realize he needs time to 'be a guy' and I don't mind if he hangs out with his friends. I do expect to be able to see him at least a couple times a week, but I don't expect to spend every waking moment with him. I do have my own things to do, and I expect him to trust me enough to realize that I won't hurt him. I have never cheated, and never will. I do have guy friends that text me occasionally, usually just to say hi & see how I'm doing.
I've also been told that I'm a stuck-up bitch. I don't try to be, I just don't take people's crap, and I say what's on my mind. I don't think I'm God's greatest gift to men, I don't think I'm hot. I think I'm average looking. I don't carry designer purses, or shop at the most expensive store I can find. It may sound bad to some, but I do shop off sale's racks, but not always. I don't see the point in paying a bunch of money for something you can find cheaper somewhere else. This doesn't mean I'm cheap, it just means I don't have daddy's credit card paying for whatever I want.
What qualities should a potential girlfriend have? What makes someone a 'good' girlfriend? What the hell am I doing wrong?
Comments (88)
if your actually doing everything your saying you do then there should be no problem..but i feel like there's more to the story.
You are seriously my twin. I'mthe same exact way as you.
Wow, so you're not good girlfriend material because you're down-to-earth, independent, and nurturing? Hell, date me!
There is nothing wrong with you. There is someone for everyone.
Good god you guys make it complicated, all man look for is truth, life, and love. If your being truthful and loving then the problem lies with him bottom line.
a "good girlfriend" has the characteristics that complement her equally "good boyfriend" (or girlfriend).
I think you would be an awesome g/f actually. I am a nice guy and hate girls who play games, who dont call or who break dates or who like you but wont let you now so they can have power-control you. ug, I have been friends with girls and later if I liked them and told them they never talked to me again, maybe not all at once but within a year we are no longer friends and I am always confused by this. I hate the whole dating situation because it makes it like an interview. And I have been guilty of taking a girl out to the movies on a first date but girls need to cut some guys some slack, especially in the beggining - it is hard and difficult just to get a number or ask a girl out on a date, especially if the guy has faced a repeted pattern of rejection.
"I put him before myself, if he's happy, than I'm happy."
I think that's a problem.
@suggestivetongue@xanga - There we go someone that nailed it.
You know, in the first month, before you can say that you actually like that someone, most guys like to work for it. I'm not saying you should be a downright bitch, but guys don't like being the "ones in power" but rather the "winners" after a debacle about who should be in power, if that makes sense.
I'm sure you're a lovely person, but from reading that I could only think "she may be a bit clingy." You said that you don't hang out with guy friends anymore, put himself above your needs etc etc. It's all nice on paper, but on a rainy day it's a bit too much attention.
While I'm not saying jealousy is the healthy option, a bit of competition / rivalry is needed.
it might be the "stuck up bitch" logo you carry with you. Because I hate when guys pay for me, and sometimes I'll even be sneaky and pay for them, but most the time I do whatever I can to pay for myself.
I dont try to make guys like me, I am just myself, and Im the same way, okay go out with your friends have fun do your guy thing, but at the end of the day, I need to know he's thinking about me when he's going to bed, hang out like at least twice a week, I like random cute text messages saying good morning and sweet dreams. I like affection, but I dont NEED it, especially when there are other people around.
The problem I have, I can not have a guy friend, everyone of them ends up liking me, and its not even like I've flirty, I say it straight up what I want and what I don't.
I personally think your qualities are great. Those guys are just pussies.
I'm literally the exact same way as you, and I've found someone I really, truly love :) and he truly loves me too.
as far as the bitch label, I've gotten that- I'm just shy, but very opinionated... so people feel that since I'm opinionated but not speaking, that I'm silently judging them. however just because I'm opinionated, doesn't mean I'm judgmental? I've also been told I'm very intimidating because I'm very good at outsmarting people and proving them wrong. meh? I'm not considered dating material because I'm not willing to agree with everything a guy says, wear skanky clothes, or do anything just to impress him. I'm not looking to impress anyone... I want to be appreciated for being myself, and in the long run, that makes you so much stronger of a person than any girl who's dated like 10 guys who didn't really appreciate who she was.
you will find the person who deserves you and understands you. that's the key; my boyfriend and I understand each other's personalities so well that we know how to get along and not conflict. some great guy deserves your love, you'll find him.
Well, from personal experience, I'd say there's no advice for this.
Each person's different in what they consider a "good girlfriend" (or
boyfriend) to be. It looks like you've got the universals down pat
(i.e. you're caring, flexible, independent, etc), so the rest is
probably a matter of personal differences/preferences clashing in
previous relationships. Seems like you just haven't yet found that
person who has the same values and preferences as you do.
heeey first and the biggest mistake that you should let him pay ! you can't pay for your self when you are around your man i think this offensive to him... when you are around you girl friends you can pay for yourself but around your man i dont think that's a good idea !
second I think you are giving too much of you, Dont ! and dont care too much because that makes a guy feel sick !
and also try to be more girly around guys so they can see the difference between you and their dudes !
@suggestivetongue@xanga - totally agree.
" otherwise I feel useless", really? you should feel important as an individual.
like love yourself, so you can love others. thats it.
bullshit about letting him pay, i always pay for myself when we go out because my boyfriend and i are poor 18 year olds. ya know? the thing suggestivetongue and i said is the real problem.
@greenglow28@xanga - thats not really what guys want? they dont want skanks who agree,
they want real women who have opinons. You just gotta find the right fit. a boyfriend is like a nice pair of jeans.
What you listed is generally what I want in a girl.
Are you prude or something? That can be a pretty big factor sometimes.
@ConfusionwithaK11@xanga - when they're real men, yeah. dating as a teenager or young adult though? that's not always what guys are interested in.
plus, I'm not sure how old the author is :-\
@suggestivetongue@xanga - i second that
if i were a lesbian, you'd definitely be my type!
Dude, listen. Most guys are buttholes who just want to get some, even if they don't seem like the type to be like that. Try not ot forget that. So when they say stuff like, "You don't have the right qualties..." just remember that it's probably an excuse. Not always. I know there are some good guys out there. But most guys are pigs, dude. You're not doing anything wrong. You sound like you'd make a pretty good girlfriend, actually. You just haven't met the right type of guy yet. Sometimes stuff like that just takes a while. Don't change who you are for some guy. To be in a relationship, sacrifices are going to have to be made and things will change about both of you if you do it right, but that's alright. Just don't change who you really are just for some guy.
I feel like there's more to this story. Putting a guy before yourself shows you don't love yourself very much. I don't see how you can be described as independent but at the same time you don't put yourself first?
You sound awesome. And they type of girl that I reckon MY boyfriend would like to date! maybe cos I think I'm kinda like that too:P altho i do let him pay more often than not..mainly cos i dont have much money, and i pay when i can:)
Maybe the only thing your 'doing wrong' is hanging out with dumb guys who dont know what they have in front of them:P
@ThisGirlCouldUseALittleSting@xanga - Oh and I agree with this comment too:)