It seems like hardly a day goes by without reading about one of my friends entering into a relationship, a friend breaking up, or hearing about a friend's relationship problems. Relationships just seem to cause nothing but unnecessary drama in the lives of those involved in said relationship, and those friends and family of the two partners in a relationship.
Who needs drama? Well, even so, who wants drama? I sure don't. That's why I've been single for almost 23 years now (note: I'll be 23 years old in March). That's right, I've never really had a serious relationship, unless you count a girl that thought we were going to get married, but I knew nothing was going to come of it, and I didn't even consider her my girlfriend really (Alexandria, if you're out there reading this, I hope you know that) and I just played along with it because she was taking bagpipe lessons from me. Is it that I just can't get one? Absolutely not. I remain single by choice. I make it very clear right up front when first meeting someone that I'm not looking for a relationship.
There are many great benefits I find to being single. As I wouldn't have time to list them all here, I'll list my favorite 6 things that I think are the best things about being single:
Freedom. Freedom to do what I want, how I want, when I want, without the naggy significant other moaning and groaning that I don't spend enough time with her. I can go out and play golf, go out drinking with my guy friends, or do any of that without having to let someone know where I'm at all the time. I can pursue my unusual interests to the depth I like to pursue them at. I can do whatever I want at home without someone complaining they don't like what I'm doing. I can stay out as late as I want, and I don't have to waste hours out of everyday talking on the phone with someone.
Better finances. You know how significant others are always asking for things from you, right? How many times have you heard "I wish you'd buy this for me" or "If you love me you'll get this for me?" Well, if you're single, no worries about buying anyone anything! Keep more of your money to yourself to use on things you need to live. Furthermore, living expenses are less if you're single, as you're only feeding one person, only the light on in one room at a time, one auto loan to pay off, among other things. Relationships are a great way to go bankrupt in a hurry.
More focus on my career. Relationships take up too much of your time, and can be detrimental to your focus on your career. My chosen profession requires me to do a lot of work at home in addition to the workplace, and I need a nice, quiet space to do this work in. Never will I have to listen to someone complain that I spend too much time working and not enough time giving her affection or not enough attention. I can work as long and hard as I want without answering to anyone.
More interesting sex life. Yes, I see this as an advantage of a single lifestyle. Just so long as you're smart and take the necessary precautions, you can enjoy sex with more variety and interest, since everyone plays the sex game a little differently. Hell, even hit up a threesome (or more) if you want. You aren't committed to anyone anyway, so just get after it (just be sure you use plenty of protection).
Never having to go through heartbreak. Heartbreak sucks. That's all there is to it. Whether we break up or divorce on amicable terms, or on bad terms, the sting of heartbreak is the most painful thing ever, and you feel it no matter which side of the coin you're on. If I'm never in a relationship, I never risk feeling this pain. Why even set yourself up for pain? Let's not forget that almost two-thirds of marriages today end in divorce. Not good odds of having a successful marriage, at all.
The ability to just be myself. I don't have to change for anyone. I can be the person I feel I am through-and-through. I can let the true me show forth, not giving a damn what a significant other thinks about a certain aspect of me. I can practice what religion I want, talk and act how I want, and I don't have to mask my House-like attitude. I can wear what I want without a significant other "being embarrassed to be seen with me wearing that in public." Yes, I admit, I don't change for anyone, and if someone doesn't like me at my face value, I have no time for them.
Of course, that favorite 6 list is not including the fact that I, given the fact I'm an Aspie, only have an 11% chance at ever having a successful marriage to being with. Looking at it from that light, I really probably have no business in a relationship. Do I ever get lonely? Sometimes. When I do, however, I go out and mingle with others. I've also entertained the thought of having a "part-time" roommate to combat some loneliness, but said roommate would preferably be someone who works an opposite shift of me (I work days, roommate works nights for example), and don't have the same days off, so we never occupy the house at the same time, or our overlap is very small.
So, the single lifestyle, in my opinion, is the ideal choice for me. The more I think about the concept of a relationship, the less it appeals to me, to the point of me not desiring one altogether. The fact that I'd more time and money to myself, and more flexibility in expressing myself makes the decision to remains single a very easy one for me.
Do you prefer being single or in a relationship? What are the reasons for your choice?
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Comments (112)
The author is cool, dat's all I have to say!
hekc yes about the not having to go through heartbreak. right onnnnn. and great post. :D
My reasons for staying single:
I hate having to do what other people want to do. I love doing things on m time whenever I wat to.
I never seem to connect with anyone in that way no matter how much I've tried in the past. No one seems that special to me
I am more worried about my own future, my own goals, my own future and don't want to have to worry abot someone elses.
I can not have children
I havea good number of flaws that would probably cost a lot of money and a lot of problems for my partner if i had one such as my vision and my many dental problems. I'm better off taking care of myself and not havig to worry about anyone else thinking of mea s a burden.
I'm just plain happier. I've only bee in 4 relationships, I was desperate bac then, trying to force it becuse I was afraid to be alone but only caused myslef unhappiness. The simple fact is that I'm just happier being single.
Those are just a few.
all of those things you listed can't compare to that feeling of "can't live without you" love or passion where just thinking about that person can make you smile. Of course, that's just my personal opinion.
I use to think the way you did before I realize how satisfying it can be to find someone who won't...
1) suffocate you. (you still have your freedom)
2) shares the same value of finance as you (no scrubs or gold diggers)
3) see #1; younger relationships takes up more time because you don't realize all the money responsibilities you now have to shoulder. Mommy and Daddy are no longer paying for your tuition, room and board or your cell phone bill. Whoops, maybe that's why electricity and heat is out.
4) Sex is how you make it; use what you have or get creative
5) break up does suck so no rebuttal from me there
6) You can still be yourself in the right relationship. If you feel you can't, then you haven't found the one who is right for you yet. Get yourself wet and dive back in the dating pool my friend...
Whatever makes you happy. Hopefully hurting no other in the process.
some of these things are true but I want more than detached fun sex, I want to cuddle with a man that I have a strong emotional connection with and without that, it is heartbreak in itself
being single can be great and not so great.
I also like the "cool guy" theme that comes with being single. You cant be cool in a relationship outside of it you can be the MACK! =D
Have a blessed New Year! God bless, Pete
"I said to a man who stood at the gate of the new year; 'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.' And he replied, ' Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than a light and safer than a known way.' " Minnie L. Haskins
If you have a significant other like I got, I didn't really have to change anything that didn't already need changing. If you want to stay single its your choice, I'm just glad I got married :)
I think this is a little dramatic. I see your point, but whoa. Bankrupt? Hopefully, if you're living with a woman, she is contributing to the fiances and not just taking away. Think of how much cheaper rent is with a roommate. Particularly one that sleeps with you regularly and hangs out. &The sex can be as interesting as you make it.
I think that the ability to just be yourself come with being in a relationship too. I mean, if you already have a girlfriend, who cares what you wear? You know she'll like you regardless if she's with you. Also- and i'm just putting this out there- marriage can equal some sweet tax benefits.
I'm not even trying to say "you have to be in a relationship blahblah it's so much fun blahhh" because ultimately, do what makes you happy, man.
Personally, I prefer to be single because I am a crazy bitch. Maybe not all of the time, but enough to where I don't want to drag any unfortunate male into my shit. (:
Being single is awesome. I feel that being aromatic makes it easier though. :P
I'll be kicking ass and taking names without the nuisance of a female or male ball and chain. :D
Psh, I love my relationship with my boyfriend. I love your reasons though ;)
I'm totally cool with this post. The reasons posted are good and he supports them alright, but here's where it gets tripped up.
How can you judge something you've never tried? I just got done being a bachelor for 2 years at a college known for its attractive co-eds (proof tested positive). I don't really hold one relationship status above the other. I have fun when I'm single and if I'm with a great girl, I have fun then too.
I think you would at least have to try being in a dedicated relationship to be able to decide what is best for you. Plus, it sounds like the relationships you have observed aren't all that great if you think that having a girlfriend is going to bankrupt you, change who you are, and essentially change everything about your life. The only reason I have a girlfriend now is because nothing changed from the time I was single besides the sex. I'm actually getting more than I got before and on a steady basis. I still do well in school, she doesn't suck money from me, I play just as much video games and watch all the same movies. How can this be so? It's called finding someone with similar interests.
Have fun being single, I know I do.
Anyone who has no problem "getting after" casual sex and not worrying or caring about being committed clearly doesn't have any idea how to be in a real relationship anyway.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - The only reason I have a girlfriend now is because nothing changed from the time I was single besides the sex. I'm actually getting more than I got before and on a steady basis.
Well if that's not true love, I don't know what is!
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - Lovely. Bible-thumping Sarah takes another cheap-shot at LG. I should have expected nothing more from you. If you don't like what I write, don't read it. Jesus Fucking Christ.
Hey, dude, if that works for you, cool beans. I may be in a relationship, but it is because I made of list of behavior I would not accept from myself or my significant other, and I found someone that agreed with me. You gotta set up scenarios for life that work for you, you know?
Being single is bitchin'!
I can't imagine myself tied down to anyone. Hell, I can't even maintain FRIENDSHIPS for too long. People hold me back.
Like my mom said, "The only person you can trust in your life, is yourself."
When you think about it, it's impossible for anyone to know a person COMPLETELY. You'll never know what they're really thinking about.
I love being single. I love being lazy. I love not having to do anything for anyone.
It's AWESOME.
I rec this.
- Kunoichi
@mathematicalbagpiper@xanga - I wasn't thumping any bible. There are plenty of atheists who could relate to what I said, or at least agree to disagree without having to be rude about it. In case you've forgotten, this is a public forum. I'm not even on your personal blog.
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - I did not appreciate the condescending tone of your comment. That's what I was saying.
I don't have my life together yet really referring to my career path and financial independence. I'm dating but not looking for a serious relationship for the above reasons and beause I haven't met someone that I care about enough yet.
it's so much easier. freedom!
@mathematicalbagpiper@xanga - Well the thing about the internet is that comments can be read with implied tones that the author didn't intend to have. I wasn't going for sarcasm, more for constructive criticism (which people should be prepared to face if they choose to post their opinions to the public). I don't appreciate accusations that have no place in this situation, like your remark about my bible thumping. I didn't say "having casual sex is wrong because God said so."
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - yep.
i def agree. i would be single for most of those reasons too, except for my bf is just...i just love him! lol... of course we were friends for 5 or 6 years first. and i havent found any of those things to be a problem so far..