Saturday, 02 January 2010
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Is This Right?
Q. I was in a huge relationship with this guy named John. It was a good relationship at first, but then he got on pills really bad, and he started beating me really bad. He did that for a good year. His friend, Jimmy, is the only one I could talk to. I started really falling for Jimmy. And now we are dating and I don't know if I am doing the right thing or not. See, I can talk to Jimmy about anything and everything, and he listens to me.
He is a real nice guy and treats me really well. Well, now Jimmy and John aren't friends anymore, and that is why I am asking if this is right? I'm not trying to ruin a friendship but I really do like Jimmy, and he likes me a lot...I need some answers!
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Comments (24)
The guy was beating you. Who cares if his friendship is falling apart? The only one who should be questioning whether what they did is right or wrong is him.
Jimmy treats you well. John doesn't. John needs therapy. You and Jimmy need to ignore John. He's not a good person. Unless you want to help John. Then that gets complicated.
or maybe you should take a step back from relationships, period. obviously you've had a really bad experience, and it's not great to jump from one relationship to another.
John is an abusive tool. These people don't get proper dating rights or whatever. In fact, you're allowed to hook up with their mom/dad out of spite for them, if you want, and people still can't say you're in the wrong.
Jimmy sounds alright, but he has some shady friends!
Men shouldn't beat women [and vice versa]. It doesn't matter if they are on drugs or going through a rough patch - only assholes beat up other people.
Do not talk to John. If Jimmy is treating you well, be with him.
Johnny is the past, Jimmy is the future and all the better if he knows the situation.
John needs help bad. Pills can fuck you up for the rest of your life, depending on what they are.
Get him into rehab, and then worry about your own moral dilemma's.
This new relationship sounds far better than your previous one. Even if you weren't involved, I would hope that Jimmy would cut off his friendship with John anyway (if the guy is getting pill fucked all the time.)
It could be possible that you find yourself wanting to be with Jimmy because he gave you an outlet from John.
I would leave relationships alone and work on moving past everything that has happened to you.
frankly, i wouldn't be worrying about john's feelings or friendships right about now.
While John is currently fucking over his life, don't let him mess up yours any more than he already has. You don't need his permission to be happy. In my opinion, coming between their friendship was a favor to Jimmy. John sounds sketchy as hell.
@salvatruca_stalking_havok13@xanga - Agreed.
You need to grow up, get your head out of your ass and report him to the cops!
Who cares about John! He didn't seem to care about you?
First of all, whether or not John was horrible to you is not relevant to whether or not it's okay to date his friend. To be honest, I ALWAYS think it's okay to date your ex's friend. It's their issue to work out- if you wanted to be with your ex, you would, so it's not like your boyfriend is stealing you. You're doing nothing wrong. Besides, why do you care if it's okay if John was so horrible to you? Is it for Jimmy's sake? If John is such a bad person, Jimmy is better off without him.
Secondly, if John was beating you you ought to call the police.
Finally, like someone else said, you may just like Jimmy because he was an outlet in such a difficult time. Or maybe the reason he was an outlet was because he was exactly the type of person you tend to like and feel comfortable with. Either way, maybe you should step back a bit and see what happens.
If he treats you right and you're happy together, go for it. Pay attention to the type of person your new boyfriend is.
If any problems arise... walk away.
You've seen what staying in an abusive relationship can do to you, right?
@heartintheclouds_quotes@xanga - I dont' think the author talked about how long it had been between relationships.
To the OP, I think you don't need to be worrying about your ex at all. He was an abusive douchebag, clearly. I do have to wonder why your new bf was friends with him, though . That seems kind of odd. Anyhow, good luck!
@tastytimmm@xanga - i agree
whatever, go for jmmy! john should grow up.
What's wrong is that John was beating you and you stayed for a year. But, its not always as easy as others might think to leave a relationship like that.
Either way, I don't think there's anything wrong with you going out with Jimmy, just so long as he isn't hooked on the pills and doesn't start up with it. Then it might spell trouble for later, even if it isn't bad now.
Also, chances are that if John changed that much after getting hooked on pills like that, then even if the friendship with Jimmy wasn't strained until you began to talk to him more and began dating him, it would have been. So, don't worry so much about doing the right or wrong thing with dating Jimmy. John has made his own bed and either way, if he hadn't started on those pills, this wouldn't be an issue from the sounds of it.
You owe nothing to John after what he did to you, and if you ask me Jimmy is a lot better off without a friend like that. Its unfortunate for John that he is losing friends, but nobody needs a friend like John right now. :/ I hope that he eventually gets the help that he needs, but you and Jimmy really don't owe him anything. Especially after the way he acted.
You deserve your happiness and so does Jimmy. If the two of you make each other happy and you treat each other well, there is no reason to stop seeing each other. :)
Date Jimmy,tell John to fuck off.
@lewk@xanga - LOLOL. agreed!
Take a break from relationships. Not good to jump from one relationship to another and it would be good to get some perspective of if the new guy is really worth it.
yeah who cares about john in your situation. he probably was a lousy friend to jimmy anyways, thats why jimmy didn't care about stealing his girl.