Saturday, 02 January 2010
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It's Complicated
I just saw the movie "It's Complicated" starring Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin (definitely recommend this. It was hysterical). For those of you who don't know the plot basically two divorcees begin having an affair that leads them to question where their relationship stands.
The complications that arose in the movie made me question my own current love life complications. My New Year's Resolution is that I've sworn off shitty romantic choices (I make them often as you can tell). After the past few days, here is why.
Recently I've been spending time with this guy who I had a thing with in high school (I can't really call him an ex). Things ended weirdly and we stopped talking. After seeing him again about 2 months ago we started hanging out. The first time we hung out he lit a fire, turned down the lights, and we listened to music and drank beer as we reminisced and caught up. Towards the end of the night he started rubbing the back of my neck telling me he missed me. My reaction? I spit beer halfway across the room and said I had to go. Last night, I went to his New Year's Eve party. He continually told me how we needed to hang out and that I was beautiful but... that's just him. That's the way he is - a big flirt. Anyway, I had to leave to go to another party so I went to get my coat and bag out of his room (that's where the jackets were being kept). He came in with me and kissed me on the cheek and hugged me and said he'd miss me. Then after we hugged he went to kiss me again... on the lips. Just a peck but enough to make me run like the wind! I don't want to start this up again! I just thought we could be friends. I mean... I don't even know. He's good looking and a real charmer (unfortunately, just my type) and he has a way of making me feel like I am the only girl in the room.... but I can't do this again.
Then I wake up this morning to multiple texts saying Happy New Year and such and then... Oh my god... Bachelorette Boy... Text message at 11:54 AM reading: "Happy Birthday"..... um. It's not my birthday. My birthday isn't even in January. Or winter for that matter. I thought at first perhaps there had been some mistake or perhaps he meant to send it to someone else. Then I thought about what I know of BB. He is arrogant and thinks he is clever and witty. He wanted me to respond! He wanted some way of making me talk to him. Saying Happy Birthday on New Year's Eve? He was hoping I'd text back to say it's not my birthday. WELL. My New Year's Resolution is no more bad romantic choices. So even though there are some feelings still there and I sometimes wonder how things could have turned out between us if it had been different... I deleted the text. And his number.
Now there is Shy Guy. We met on Christmas Eve at a party. Good looking, smart, funny, and my mother would love him (no joke) but SO shy! We only talked because another girl saw him checking me out and butted in to try and set us up (seriously. did not know this girl but thanks whoever you were!). He was a little slow to warm up and really just generally shy about everything. It took him half the night to take my hand and another half to ask me to dance. I suppose it's possible he just wasn't that interested... but he contacted me!... Via... text message. To ask me out. And he waited 3 days. And another 3 to respond. I think we're going out next week and I understand the desire to take things slow but if you are interested in me then show it! This isn't really so much complication as it is nerves on my part. I barely have time for a social life or a relationship. If this is ever going to go anywhere then I don't have the time to play games and wait 3 days for a text.
Anyway my point is: How do you keep complication away from you when it seems to hunt you down so desperately? Anyone else feel like they have this problem?
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- From: JanetDart@xanga
- About Me: I've always loved Sex and the City and with recent ridiculous developments in the lives of me and my dear, darling friends I decided it was most definitely time to start blogging. I hope you enjoy laughing at our lives as much as my friends and I do.
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Comments (23)
I wasn't really a huge fan of this movie. I think it had a good plot and a great cast, but it was too drawn out. If they could re-do the movie, i'd recommend for things to happen when you actually think they're going to. Also, the ending made me wanna go try to get a refund. Seriously, just wait for the dvd to come out if you wanna see it.
If I were to pick one of the three, I would say go for the shy guy. I don't think he's necessarily playing games, but maybe he's been hurt before and that's why he's taking things slow. I have slight social anxiety and I literally get so nervous I want to puke when I have to make a phone call. Not to my family or very close friends, but to acquaintances and businesses and such.... yes, I get VERY nervous. So maybe he is like that? I'm not saying that he can't just lack self confidence, but maybe he does suffer from something like that. Just a thought.
my ex would text me saying stuff like "its crowded in _____ " because he just passed us on the road and expected me to respond. i would respond back with something like oh thats nice. making him know i dont care. it's hard sometimes. especially since it's all so complicated and confusing and you're not sure what they expect or want you to do. it is hard, but you can do it (:
@iloveyoubabydoll_728@xanga - it would have been better to not respond at all.
one way I avoid complications is that I avoid hooking up with him unless I feel there is a real connection, otherwise I become kind of attatched and sometimes make bad decisions.
@thebeautyofwinter@xanga - i know, but he hates when people give him the cold shoulder like that lol
That is too cute! You can pry the shy guy open eventually so he won't have to be all un-natural.
shy guy sounds like he's trying to play the game. that's gay.
but, i admire your dedication to your resolution. i would've so caved and either took up the first guy's offer to hangout more often and text back to bb.
I'm cheering for the shy guy, but that's probably just because i can relate.
@lewk@xanga - haha my ex/current boyfriend (whoa confusing title) was very very shy at first, and it was one of the things that drove me crazy about him! he's also a huge dork and even if he didn't open up a lot at first, his actions said so much!
Example: We went to borders where I introduced him to the Post secret books. I told him I loved them so much but couldn't afford $30 for one. Two days later, it's 7am and I wake up too late to go take my SATs. I was sooo bummed and feeling like my whole future was down the drain because I missed the test. Ryan went to Borders, waited two hours in the parking lot for them to open, bought me the Post Secret book I was dying for, wrapped it in big red ribbon and left it on my windshield. Needless to say, when I walked to my car to leave for work later, it made my day absolutely perfect :]
So I think the writer of this post should definitely give shy guy a chance. Courting doesn't have to be an overnight affair. Drawing it out can be fun :]
I have not seen this movie but I feel what you are saying, its like should we go for the guy that is flirting with you and seems really into you, or the shy guy that might start slow but might be worth it in the long run? I would go with the shy guy because a flirt is not someone you go to if you want to be in a serious relationship.
Havent seen the movie
but i have had serious complications where relationships were concerned...its all cleared up because i decided what i want in my life and what not. So im hoping it doesnt hunt me down so soon again because i will kill it
Ha I totally relate...I found it kinda funny cause' i could totally blank in my own guys from my life.
I would go with the shyer guy...normally I wouldn't but you never know...once he gets more comfortable and opens up there could be something there. And he did contact you...so he's not completely shy. And I want to see the movie...maybe I will tomorrow.mm, I think if I had to choose between those guys, it'd be the shy guy. But I mean, you already know that you don't want the charmer (and I totally commend your level of self-control!!), but if you think you like Shy Guy enough, you need to teach him not to play that game where you wait three days to text back. I'm the type of person who loses interest very quickly in a guy who plays games like that. The question is whether or not you're willing to take the risk (or if he's worth the risk), and then clear up any complications. The most important thing is communication--as long as you have there, there shouldn't be many complications to affect your daily life or relationships. :)
i hate complication and drama. they are just dumb.
honestly, i wish a guy would just tell me what they wanted. be a hook up? sure. i love hooking up! i think it's fun and it's a good way to get experience. be a relationship? not looking right now, but thanks for being honest. just be friends, nothing more? totally fine. never want to see my face or hear from me ever again? sure. i don't care. as long as you're honest with me. i really don't mind. i'd rather someone be honest with me and say they don't like me romantically and just want to be physical than someone who is charming and says all the bullshit just to get with me.
i wish more people were honest :/
it's always complicated with me. my problem is that there's just too many to choose from so i don't know what i want but i want a little piece of everything and sometimes i get a little ahead of myself. i don't think it's supposed to be this way, but i'm not finding a way to break that cycle.
haha i got the same resolution.
Ugh - Alec Baldwin is so fat
Movie looks good I want to check it out. As I read your post about Shy guy and Flirt boy it reminded me of a situation I was in too. I too tend to make poor romantic choices in life! I told myself this would be the year that mister right would cross my path and I'd be sure to recognize him! Dating really does take its toll on a girls psyche. Everytime you think ok this could go somewhere something ridiculous happens to put you back in place and question or sense of reasoning!
Personally if you are looking for something more substantial go with shy guy but make sure you get to know him well before diving in head first. If you just want some fun and a fling for a short season then maybe the flirt is the way to go. But only you know what your heart's desire is!
At the moment I am trying to figure out if I want to stay in the relationship I am in or move on to something else. Deciding to be single and alone is never easy because the question of "will I find someone else after this ends?" always comes up in my mind.
I wish you all the best in love and life this new year Janet.
@Ladyj3@xanga - Thank you! Good luck to you too! Also, I love that you've nicknamed my high school fling Flirt Boy. It's brilliant. Made me laugh out loud because that's perfect for him. I hope you find your mister right and recognize him!
@phuck_may@xanga - Exactly. I hate the games. Let's just speak our minds. That's why I hate this wait 3 days to respond thing. It's driving me batty but I will probably hear from him today if that's the game we're playing.
@rAzOrKisS09@xanga - That is absolutely adorable. I am trying to give shy guy a chance but the fact that I've heard from him twice since we met about a week and a half ago is a little disconcerting. I'm starting to think he's just not interested.
everyone has an awk ex type person. For you, I don't think it's a good idea to try and just be friends with your ex type charmer guy. This kind of guy likes to surround himself with lots of ladies who all adore him and he wants to think that he can get with them at any point in time.
shy guys are the best. they will treat you so well in life and in bed. if he's nervy at first, can you blame him??? hang in there with that one.