Saturday, 02 January 2010
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Relationship Advice from a Bisexual
I have read any number of posts on Xanga and elsewhere complaining about the opposite sex. Recently it was men are mean. Many responded in kind with women are bitches. Some men can't stand getting turned down in a bar. Some don't call the next day. Some women are too clingy, they talk too much, or him not enough.
I would like to offer some straight forward advice to both parties:
I am bisexual and I have numerous gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and straight friends. What they have taught me over the years is this; they all complain about the same shit. Gender is just an excuse.
I guarantee you that if two lesbians live together one of them will, in defiance of known laws of biology, leave the toilet seat up. Anytime two people share a common space certain things are bound to follow. One will be a slob, the other a neat freak. One will be overly sensitive and one will be mean.
It goes well beyond gender. Say two accountants meet and fall in love. One accountant has a hundred thousand in an IRA for retirement. The other has ninety thousand. This first will complain that their spouse is “bad with money”.
Relationships are hard. What’s more, it’s the little things that are the hardest. Forget what you’ve been told about religion and politics. A Jew and a Christian can get married and be fine, a republican and a democrat, no problem. But if one partner squeezes the toothpaste from the end and the other in the middle, it will be trouble.
Sex, on the other hand, is easy. If you want to complain about how irritating your current boyfriend/girlfriend is, it’s a lot easier to just say, “He’s a man, he’s so…” then it is really explain what is upsetting you or why. Get over it. Your relationships will suffer from such generalizations. On the other hand learning to express what you want in a clear and specific way will help every relationship in your life.
Trust me on this one. I have been with men, and I have been with women. Quit complaining about the opposite sex, both are annoying. (and so am I) But both genders are full of wonderful, exciting, warm and caring people. It is worth the struggle and heart ache.
Thoughts?
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About the Author
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- From: RachelEliason@xanga
- Name: Rachel
- About Me: I am a thirty nine year old transgender woman living in Des Moines Iowa.
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Comments (29)
While I liked that you included yourself in the "bad" zone, I thought this entire post was bull. That coming from a lesbian, who has been with men, if that means anything to you.
Bisexuals are fun people. I always ask for their advice about relationships since they have had relationships with men and women and know what to expect.
"Bisexuals are fun people" - love the sweeping generalisations. There are one or two high-profile serial killers in US jails who swing both ways. Nah, I'm with Securus - class comment.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
i agree, it's always the small annoying shit that drives people crazy
And Rachel, thank you a ton for this post. Really.
I think that there are biological reasons that men and women are wired differently and have different reactions to things. So I don't think we can 100% discount that. But I also don't think we should make generalizations like "oh, he's a man, so...." I liked this post, though. Good job, and it's interesting to hear a different point of view than my own. :)
I do agree!
right on!
One time me and some guy I was seeing were hanging out with 2 gay guys and a lesbian [sounds like a tv show!] and one of the gay guys was like, "I bet lesbians have more drama because they're girls, because we all know guys have no drama - ha! I wish that was true."
I agree to the extent that I think gender and even sex are cultural and thus, people who are claimed "male" do not necessarily (even in a wide generalization) fit into a gendered stereotype of problems... though I would say that gender has been such a large cultural influence that many men and women succumb to and take on gender roles which is why it is usually possible to characterize certain men as X and certain women as Y.
I do realize however that this alone is not a reason to be dissuaded from or to one sex over the other, simply a way to approach knowingly the probable well, problems, you may encounter in a person of one sex over the person of a different sex who may have fallen into such gender roles... luckily it is certainly possible for people to break out of these gender roles and for our generalizations about the 'sexes' to not really apply (I have found such a person now).
Oh, but I was reading something in psychology about men and women and how some things appear to be more biological, perhaps driven by hormones like... men want to have sex more often than women and in how we judge people (again this is a statistically significant amount and they judged not only in male-female relationships, but male-male and female-female to determine if being with another who is more biologically similar would emphasis certain biological factors)... not sure how much I think cultural could attribute to ti, but seems interesting.
i agree with u, take care xx
Gender, science, hormones play a huge role when it comes to choosing a sexual partner sure I'll agree with that and it will put a spin on the relationship. But the point is when two people think they've got each other, they're going to have the stupid, human, relationship problems that everyone else has, regradless of sexuality, and therefore are not that much different and should be treated as so. I am happy to see this post :)
yes! within-groups differences are larger than between-groups differences, as they say. i also hate when people try to use this as an excuse- "i didn't know you were upset, i'm a guy!" well you're still a human being, so try to be a little sensitive!
Haha, I loved this post!
I completely agree.
I like this, it's interesting to read stuff that nobody else ever talks about. Thank you.
I liked this article. Mostly because I'm sick of gender-bashing. A quick poke here or there is ok, but I love it when a girl or guy honestly believes that it is the sex of their partner that defines what is wrong with them. It's just so obnoxious.
I feel a ranting lunatic coming your way...
Like a moth to the flame.
Good luck with that.
Do men act depressed and expect you to know the reason why even if they don't tell you anything? No?
Didn't think so.
Pffft, men and women BOTH suck.
- Kuniochi
Oh man that's good. People will use any excuse to complain.
I think some of it may have to do with cultural up bringing more than gender itself
in b4 the retard on the motorcycle.
Didn't some comedian do this bit?
I agree with you on these thoughts. It has nothing to do with gender because we end up complaining regardless of gender. AND I totally agree it is worth the struggle and heartache.
I agree with you! well said (: