Friday, 01 January 2010
-
They're Probably Not Worth It, You Should Probably Move On.
I'm not trying to dismiss the complexity of human relationships.
But I cannot be the only person who knows that one couple... I feel like everyone has one. They've been dating for like 8 billion years, they fight constantly, they're not talking half the time, they "hate" each other, but they just keep coming back to one another. I mean maybe the sex is good or something, but is it worth it? I know a couple like this and every single time that they're pissed off at each other (which is roughly every to every other day) I think to myself...
Oh my god, grow up and move on. Seriously? If someone is treating you like dirt half the time, you deserve better. Couples argue, fight, and disagree. But couples also should handle their matters in a decent, civil, and loving way, and disagreements should not be any level of frequent. (Although, again, some people are into make-up sex.)
People are very complicated, and people stay in miserable relationships for so many reasons. It's what they're used to, they've become too dependent on one another, they're afraid to be alone, they're scared that no one else will want them.
But at the same time shouldn't your significant other make you happy? Life is too short to be upset over another person half of the time, when you do not by any means HAVE to keep yourself tied to them.
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: greenglow28@xanga
- About Me: I'm an 18 year old college student, but for god's sake, please judge me on what I have to say, and not my age or the rest of my generation.
-
True
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 19 Views: 0 62410 Comments: 0 1459 View all posts by greenglow28@xanga
Comments (45)
It is not the sex or differences that matters in relationships. It is what is common and the understanding of each other that matters. That's why couples who fight and don't talk a lot comes back to each other because in their differences and fights they knew each other more than anyone else that brings out the common things between them out to each other. Simple.... it is better to be with a person who disagrees with you but know you better than anyone than be with a person who agrees with you all the time knowing nothing about you.
The Signature Of A True Human Is The Smile He/She Brings On The Face Of Others.
LonelyPoet
AMEN. this is what i've been preaching for the longest time.
physical and mental relationship are equally important ~_~
@poetrybox@xanga - that's true, but at the same time it's not impossible to go out and meet someone who will get to know you and actually treat you well, treat you the way you deserve to be treated... rather than know you really well and treat you like crap.
wouldn't it be worth it to leave a miserable relationship no matter how close you are, to find someone who appreciates you, and gets to know you and be just as close?
i have to disagree with you TC. Is one bad example a reason to dismiss all real relationships? and why did you dismiss everything that happened thoughout all the years that lead up to that particular relationship souring, if that's even the case? they're adults, and that's life. shit happens. it's not always the case. stop being so pessimistic.
interesting topic though. im running late to work at my overnight job atm. but i feel this topic could turn into something interesting to discuss. send me a reply comment about more of your views and we can discuss this further. well, that is unless you're afraid of any sort of little friendly yet stimulating online banter lol. seriously, don't let that couple in your story give all forms of friendly arguing such a serious connotation. there could still be something real there to them that you don't see.
I agree with you on the dating front. But when we're talking about couples who are already married, I would urge them to seek counseling before they go ahead and divorce. And you know, now that I think about it, I think that is good advice for long-term dating couples as well. A lot of things basically break down to a lack of communication, and counseling can help improve our communication skills. Just a thought.
i have to disagree with you TC. Is one bad example a reason to dismiss all real relationships? and why did you dismiss everything that happened thoughout all the years that lead up to that particular relationship souring, if that's even the case? they're adults, and that's life. shit happens. it's not always the case. stop being so pessimistic.
interesting topic though. im running late to work at my overnight job atm. but i feel this topic could turn into something interesting to discuss. send me a reply comment about more of your views and we can discuss this further. well, that is unless you're afraid of any sort of little friendly yet stimulating online banter lol. seriously, don't let that couple in your story give all forms of friendly arguing such a serious connotation. there could still be something real there to them that you don't see.
When you're in love, it's hard to want to leave, even when you know you should. Maybe they remember when things were good, and don't want to give that up yet.
I've been in that kind of situation. I understand that fighting constantly isn't healthy, and outsiders looking in generally disapprove. But for me, I guess, my outlook is, it's better to get all the shit out, before it's too late. What if you don't fight much? Then suddenly, you do? And what if by that time, it's kind of too late to turn back? --> especially when marriage and kids are involved.
Bottom line: if you love each other enough, if you're both strong enough, you'll be able to find a way to fix your problems together. Not just one person making the effort. I can't stress enough that it has to be both, and neither can give up.
Love isn't something that you can just throw away, and it isn't something you should just give up on. Throughout the fighting or whatever... you have to see the beauty that shines through. If they always come back to each other, well... that's love. Not stupidity.
It isn't for everybody. And I like going with the saying, "If it's not meant to happen... it won't happen. No matter how much you exert your will" If you stay together... well, then I guess you were meant to be together.
@greenglow28@xanga - agreed but a relationship based on no understanding won't last long.
sounds like they have a love/hate relationship and they're the only ones who understands why they are still together. It's either that or they should seek couples counseling if you really love each other and want to make it work even though they can't understand why they argue and fight so much.
I'm in a relationship somewhat like that. For the people on the outside looking in, they don't understand it. But when you're on the inside, you totally get it. They're in love. Yea they may fight all the time and have tons of arguments but they know that at the end of the day none of those petty arguments really matter. They're probably the only people who really GET eachother and have a lot of similarities that others don't get or that are hard to find in another person maybe. Idk how to really explain for all couples like that but for my boyfriend and I, we can have disagreements or piss eachother off all week, but once we're actually together hanging out (we only see eachother 1-3 times a week due to school/work), things are great and none of it really matters. No one really gets us either lol
Yeah i think it looks totally different on the inside than it does the outside. I remember being so frustrated watching a friend keep staying with this guy who they'd always fight and things never seemed good. However I got into a relationship like that. I brought in a lot of things from past relationships where I'd want to show that I'd learned committment and communication and such so to get out of it I'd be showing that I hadn't learned any of that (or thats what i thought at least). Also you want to make things work and never give up on someone especially if you risk a lot for them or are just in love with them .Like someone else said you know them and they know you even if it is dysfunctional you still know them so well. Its hard to just end it. But then you have to think of what is best for you and many people have a hard time seeing that there could be anything else out there. It's a hard decision b/c there are always people who are going to fight in any relationship. Unless you've had something better than that you wont realize what you could have. Fortunately for me I've had an amazing relationship and looking back on it, that is what helped me get out of a possibly abusive/controlling relationship.
I know a couple like that, but I think they've finally split up after she totally blew up on him over receiving the "wrong" gift. I guess she was expecting diamonds or an engagement ring or something. The poor guy's not made of money.... (no pun intended)
I usually can't move on until I've found someone new to fight with
I am one-half of
that couple.Either they are attracted to drama, or this is what they believe a relationship looks like. They might not know it subconsciously, but perhaps from their childhood this is the type of relationship their parents had and so they seek to recreate it within their own thinking that thats how relationships work.
It's not a healthy relationship to be in at all. They've grown used to that. It's hard to separate when you're attached to something or someone for a long period of time. The absence of each other always draws them back to each other.
@jeezshoua@xanga - see that's how I felt about it... and then a bunch of people are like "yeah but it's a lot different inside the relationship, you're an outsider."
but I mean. fighting and being upset all the time isn't healthy... inside or outside the relationship... right?
@Morningstarrising@xanga - I was only referring to dating couples... mostly because I feel like if a couple is this way, they shouldn't have gotten married :(
and if a marriage develops into that kind of relationship, I think counseling would be a great way to a resolution. I hope they would have the strength to fix things.
@greenglow28@xanga - Agreed on all counts. I've known of marriages that have been very close to divorce that have benefited from counseling. And I do realize that this was posted on datingish, which is why I made the differentiation. :)
Edited to add: I also want to say that sometimes people can look at a marriage/dating relationship from the outside and think that there's major trouble, that people are unhappy. But that's not always the case. My husband and I are both VERY direct with each other, which other people see as arguing, fighting, etc. We're both pretty boisterous and dramatic, so a small discussion can appear to turn into a heated one very quickly, if you don't know that is the way that we work through any issues. I'm not talking about screaming matches, but sometimes we get quite loud and people could think that our marriage was in trouble, when really we're communicating in the way that gets us to a resolution quickly.
i m yet another..
one half of the couple. :(
& YES, i know its really unhealthy and all when we are both upset and always arguing.
i know this may sound really stupid but when you are away from the other, you know thats best for you but the heartache seems to kill every determination you have.maybe i m too used to having him around, but when he's there.. i m really happy. and with all the arguments and cooling down period, they just make me realize how much it hurts me when he's not there. and i think this is usually what that leads to couples finding their way back.
i would say you have raised an interesting topic tho.
Wish you a happy new year
==>#Get Airline ticket $1==>#Get Hotel room $1==>#Get Car rent $1
====just $1====
@*=====Hurry up=====*@
To start over in the dating scene could be more heartwrenching and depressing for these fighting couples. I stayed with someone who wasn't good for me until he made me cry too many times. That was the breaking point, so maybe they would have to cry one too many times before getting their act together.
@destinyshorizon - if this was facebook, I would "like" your whole comment, especially that last part.