So, recently I just had a breakup with a girl I thought I was in love with. But with talking with another friend of mine, I came up with an interesting idea... the 7 Things Rule!
The theory behind it is that I asked my friend, who recently got engaged, to name 7 things that he doesn't like about his fiancée. He had trouble with even one thing. I was easily able to list 7 things and could have done more.
And when I say this rule, I don't mean things that bugged you after the breakup or something like that. If your girlfriend or boyfriend cheated on you, then you can't count that. These have to be things you thought of while you were dating and possibly even when you thought you were happy with them.
And they can't be simple things that everyone has.. like if you like Law and Order, but your girlfriend likes CSI, that doesn't count. It's more major things, like liking Nickelback! Okay, that one was a joke... kind of... but it should be major things like wanting to live in different places and feeling strongly about it, that could count.
Anyway, what do you think of this idea? Is it a good measure?
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Comments (60)
What exactly does this Rule prove/what's it for?
@Bell - I suppose it is all about settling the differences they each have before marrying. This way, they can figure if it is a good idea to mary each other.
Long time! Have a blessed New Year! God bless, ~ Pete
hmmm?
This is similar to a marriage question list that asks major questions like "would you move with your spouse if they got a new job?" & "what religion would the children be?". You should always discuss things good & bad in all relationships in order to settle differences & meet halfway. If you see your SO acting petty over minute things, you can really decide if it's worth it.
my boyfriend can only name troll things about this
no.
@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - That's what my husband and I did in premarital counseling...went over ALL kinds of questions like that. Sometimes the answers change as people change, though, so you just never know.
But I think that this a reasonably good tool.
@Morningstarrising@xanga - That's true too. I dont know which one you used, but the one I read had 200+ questions....& not once did they ask about colors. LOL J/K! Happy New Year!
No, liking Nickelback totally counts.
It's a neat idea. Doesn't necessarily have to be seven, but I get it. Obviously, you'd want to do this after the infatuation phase of the relationship when all you can think about is how wonderful each other are. Bringing logic and critical analysis to the table can be kind of challenging since love is an emotion so I say be careful. However, a little self reflection never hurt anyone.
@wired_cynic@xanga - It actually counts double and in some states is justified grounds for break-up.
liking nickelback so does not count.
although I'd probably like them more if the radio station here didn't play them every third song..
Try this. If you desire marriage or a serious partnership.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTZi6yzcdE8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fy098SgEKpQ&feature=related
My psychology teacher once said something that stuck with me: If you have to make a list of all the bad/good things of a person in order to decide whether or not you should stay with them, then you probably shouldn't stay with them.
Everybody has good and bad things about them. Everybody at some point is annoying to another person. That's just life. Everybody fights, everybody has conflicts, because nobody agrees with anybody else on all of the same things.
However, if it gets to the point where you feel you need to make a list to decide if you should stay with someone...then maybe that relationship isn't exactly all that.
Of course, that's just my opinion.
@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - My favorite book of all time is something that I bought weeks after we were first married. It's called "The Book of Us":
http://www.amazon.com/Book-Us-Journal-Story-Questions/dp/078686477X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262332181&sr=8-1
I couldn't fill it out for awhile, because it's meant to last through the decades. But I filled it out and gave it to my husband on our engagement anniversary (5 years; our 5th wedding anniversary was 6 months later). There's still more to write, but it was amazing. :)
@GwendolynDrake@xanga - Excellent points! And I tend to agree. I guarantee you that I wouldn't have said that there was ANY negative with my relationship with my husband (then-boyfriend/fiance) before we were married, but I've learned. ;) And people do change. For instance, I know at one point we both wanted 4+ kids. Then we had two, and now at 29 and 27, we're done with kids (course we have a special needs child in there, so that requires a lot more work and attention, which has definitely played into our decision). And at the beginning of the relationship, I thought that I would always be happy staying at home. I worked for the first 3 years of our marriage, and then I decided to stay home with our kids. I don't regret the decision, but goodness, I can't wait until they get into kindergarten, because being that stay at home mom forever just isn't me! :) I see why a person would do it while their children are young (under 5), but I can't see myself doing it when the kids are in school. I will probably go back to teaching full-time while they're in school so that I can have similar hours/days off as they will.
Sorry for the tangent. Just examples to point out that people do change their minds. :)
Ahaha...Nickelback makes me want to hang myself.
I think it's a good idea. It allows you to see one another realistically rather than idealistically.
Interesting idea. Seven is probably too high of a number for serious misgivings.
I'd say if you could name just one thing for that list, you'd have a problem.
Sometimes I wonder if it's NOT the little things that are more important warning signs, because the big things are often obvious. I mean, the big stuff is liable to drive you crazy in the first place, but when the little shit starts seeming like it's BIG shit...that's when I know things are in trouble.
when things that I didn't pay any attention to last month or last week suddenly make me want to strangle him...
But yeah, if it's a new relationship and I can already find 7 things that really bug me...time to move on.
I'm a little confused--what happens after you make the list? What is the result? If you can name 7 things, then you should break up?
Anyway, I think that personally I would just say if your con list is longer than your pro list, you definitely have a problem and you might want to re-think the relationship. And as you get to know someone the list can change. And the other thing is, the rule of thumb is cool, but not all pros and cons will necessarily be weighted the same. If there is only one con, but it's a dealbreaker, then what?
i like the idea. :)
... am i the only one who thought of the miley cyrus song? -__-
and the seventh thing i hate the most that you doo
you make me love you.
haha. :P