Q. I had sex with my boyfriend of 5 months for the first time on his birthday. I was a virgin (I'm 18.) I've known him since I was in elementary school otherwise I would not have done it. Ever since then we haven't really talked. I feel like he should have come to my house and talked to me, I mean we live right across the street from each other. We've talked online but it wasn't long and then he logged out on me! We're both on yahoo messenger right now and are still not talking.
I don't understand why he is not talking to me. Every few weeks friends who live out of state come into town and he is hanging with them, most likely getting bloody drunk! It's like he has time to hang out with everyone else be me. I can't help how I feel, I know I wont be able to hold my tongue when we do talk. It will be the worst if he breaks up with me. I don't want to regret having sex for the first time but I am starting to. I don't know what to do?A. This is a truly awful situation and I hate to say this but it seems like your boyfriend is trying to break up with you without actually doing it. In other words, he's being a coward about it. I'm not sure what your relationship was like beforehand, but it appears like your boyfriend is trying to avoid you (a little difficult when you live across the street from each other). I'm not sure what the reason is because only he knows it, so you will have to speak to him to find out. If that means you won't be able to hold your tongue, then so be it. You have every right to feel angry. And you deserve an explanation. Don't let him get away with this. And if he breaks up with you? Can it be worse than how he's treating you now?
As far as regretting your first sexual experience, try to look at it as a learning experience. Yes, it's unfortunate that he's not treating you well now, but at least you know better for next time. Anytime I've been hurt in the past, it's helped me someway in the future. I'm sorry that he ruined your first sexual experience, but don't let it ruin sex for you in the future. Talk to him about what's going on, and then move on because you don't deserve to be treated this way.
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Comments (36)
i hope you didn't have sex with him to save the relationship... IDK if you two were having problems before hand or he is just acting weird now. if i was you, i would talk to him and see what his problem is. go over to his house.
xo
Oh, wow. This guy is acting like a grade A asshole. Talk to him first, but if worse comes to worse, I would say you break up with him if it's obvious he doesn't want to be with you anymore. Don't give him the satisfaction of coming out victorious with his cowardly asshattery.
hmmm...
How about YOU cross the street, and YOU go talk to him. Maybe he's afraid that he did the wrong things or something. Maybe he is embarrassed. GO TALK TO HIM YOURSELF.
Wow, this kid knows nothing about positive reinforcement.
Good grief.
The guy's in it for the booty. Tell him thanks for the screw, and kick rocks. Hopefully, he falls in love with a person who breaks his heart an his dick.
Why would you want to hold your tongue? If he's being a jerk and not talking to you after you've given him your virginity, take the initiative to talk to him and find out why he's acting the way he is. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he's gotten away with this. Move on and don't dwell on people that aren't considerate of you.
What a douche. Seriously. Kinda makes me want to punch him, and I'm not a violent person.
My advice is to try to talk to him one last time, and if he doesn't, then bow away graciously and continue being the wonderful person you are. You definitely don't need an ass dragging you down.
agreed with the advice.
leave before you are left and learn a lesson from it.
Communication = FTWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
It's a two way street. Yes, he could initiate the conversation but you're no mute either. Just walk across the street! If you break up chalk it up to a lesson learned and start to move on.
ugh. boys suck. it's going to be a new year. forget him. take care of yourself and let him become a distant memory.
..so go talk to him.
Awkward. I guess sex changed your friendship or something. Maybe it crushed his image of you, or he didn't have a good time or perhaps he feels ashamed of taking his friend like that, like he had taken advantage of you. What was the experience like? if you don't mind me asking? Maybe you don't match up chemically or something. My ex and I were like that, and I wouldn't have sex with him. I liked making out with him just fine, and we were going to get married, but I was afraid that he'd get me pregnant and I started having nightmares about it. I guess it's good he cheated on me and married someone else. I screwed around with him long enough to become loyal to him, so he got to go through the crazy bitch breakup. Maybe if he would have listened to me in the beginning and not threatened to kill himself if I didn't date him, none of that would have happened.
Hi, this is bad. It seems like your boyfriend just want to take advantage of you by having sex with you. This certainly show that he was not love you at all. He just want to have sex with you and after that abandon you since he had already gain the upper hand.
It was unforgivable however, you may choose to ask or chat with him and ask what had been happening?
4 all U virgins out there ,Some people want the thrill of being your 1st. & that's all they want! Hold your head up high NEVER MENTION IT TO HIM! EVEN WHEN HE"S READY TO TALK! He can't B trusted. Love can really hurt
! But he is not worth anymore of your time or thoughts!
hit it and quit it
OMG he lives across the street and u mean to tell me u have not went over and knocked on that jerks door or ranged his doorbell NOW u must not be that hurt by this being that u havent made an effort to try and see him because if u did make a effort u would have been at his house....a person that lives across the street can only do so much avoiding seems to me u are letting the avoiding happen.....its funny how u say that u are dying to talk to him and see whats going thru his head but u are sitting there looking at his screen name but not writing him but u want to so bad figure out this issue, Do u realize that u are the one thats scratching your head and confused, he isnt going to read ur mind and decided to hit u up and tell u what is going on and why he did what he did dont forget he is avoiding u and u are the one who wants answer....for someone who needs answers sure aint moving fast enough for me.
About sex, this is what I've learned, I'm middle aged so I have a little experience with this...don't have sex with someone unless you want to have sex, and are sure afterwards that you will have wanted to have sex with them. I mean, that you want the experience of sharing sex with them in your life NO MATTER WHAT. Period.
If you are only having sex with them based on the idea or hope that you will be with them forever or at least for a very long time...then you'd better have first gotten some significant sign of commitment on their part for that same thing. Like you've truly discussed it. If you are too shy or embarrassed or scared to discuss that with them...chances are you and the other person don't have the sort of relationship that is founded in commitment, and if that's an issue, don't go there.
Sex holds different significance to different people. Make sure that you and your partner are on the same page...if that sort of thing matters to you. You may be thinking friends with benefits or a one night stand, while they are thinking...happily ever after. Don't make assumptions about another person's motives in matters that are deeply important to you.
I agree with the advice given.
Although, I have to say that if you live across the street from each other, just go over there and make him talk to you. Its ridiculous to whimper that he won't talk to you when you live across the street from him. Go confront him. Its the only way you're going to get to the bottom of this. :/
damn i dont know HOW you're holding your tongue, i would have already stormed across the street and made that asshole talk to me and own up to what he's doing. and i agree with what someone said that you should just break up with him if he was not talking to you because he wants to break up with you. be strong. YOU deserve better :)
Welcome to the reality of relationships.
- Kunoichi
Have you tried talking to him? Just go round there and talk to him.
GO TALK TO HIM!............. NOW!! and this advice is just one of the possibilities >.> aka complete guess.
Another complete guess is that, he feels ashamed or that he might have wronged you in a way. Even though you don't show it, your first time is expected to be special. He might think you hate him or something. Men or humans in general are like that, we blame ourselves for things that we may or may not have done base on subtle or no evidence.
you're at fault here too you know >.>'' you live across from his house and in the time he hasn't talked to you IRL, you haven't talked to him either. Why are YOU avoiding him?
Call him out on it!!! Its odd though that if he wasn't really interested, he waited for 5 months. Makes me wonder if maybe it was started to go down hill before the sex. But really all you can do here is just move forward with or without him. I had something similar happen with a first bf and he completely shut me out out of no where turns out he started dating someone else. Not saying that this is the reason for him. Maybe he feels like he has done something wrong with the whole experience. You never know... but right now the biggest thing is to confront him and figure out what happened. Good luck!! Worst comes to worst an awkward experience is behind you!